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2004-07-24, 05:31
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Senior Metalhead
Banned
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Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 137
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An actual poem with a real rhyming scheme
oh boy!!!! sounds borring, but please read it. Who knows, you may like it!
The shadows contain what none can see
Darkened paths walked obliviously
Lost worlds not but a mile away
Outcasts of the universe happily at play
Dare ye tread the trail of the lost?
Marching endlessly in search of identity
Daring to venture but at what cost
The soul an object of tangibility
A goal to wake you from your sleep
That beautiful light forever long gone
Oh so close as your faith begins to seep
A death to the dream over which you fawn
Lost within the shadows of your mind
Never to return from what none can find
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2004-07-24, 08:07
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Gangster Rapper
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Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: The Jason Becker Monastery
Posts: 961
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I like it, it stirred some feeling deep in me. I know that sounds like a load of shit, but it did. *thumbs up* It rhymes well, check the syllable (still cant spell that word) count.
__________________
We live thinking we will never die.
We die thinking we had never lived.
Cut it out.
- Jason Becker
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2004-07-24, 08:24
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STUFFED ANIMAL ORGY
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Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Chicago
Posts: 8,705
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a poem dosent have to ryhme, you read to much dr suess and listen to to much rap.
__________________
"Believe the word
I will unlock my door
And pass the cemetery gates"
"Dimebag" Darrell Lance Abbott
08/20/66 - 12/08/04
R.I.P. |
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2004-07-24, 08:32
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Gangster Rapper
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Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: The Jason Becker Monastery
Posts: 961
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It must be that deep Dr.Seuss influence in me then. But i like rhyming poems.
__________________
We live thinking we will never die.
We die thinking we had never lived.
Cut it out.
- Jason Becker
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2004-07-24, 19:05
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Senior Metalhead
Banned
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Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 137
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all hail bls, master critic...i have yet to see you show any talent. If you had read anything else i do you'd see i don't always rhyme. Im free to rhyme if i want, and if rhyming instantly conjures up thoughts of rap to you, than you're an iliterate fool. why must you insult me with no purpose in mind?
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2004-07-24, 19:07
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Post-whore
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Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: United States
Posts: 1,043
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by BLS
a poem dosent have to ryhme, you read to much dr suess and listen to to much rap.
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yeah that's true about poems rhyming. Poetry is really just a way to express thoughts or feelings without having to worry about any sort of grammatical governing. yeah... |
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2004-07-24, 19:12
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Senior Metalhead
Banned
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Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 137
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I know, i just commented on that...why don't you read before you post.
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2004-07-24, 20:05
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Post-whore
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Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: pretty damn close to Cephalic Carnage.
Posts: 3,648
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That poem reminded me of when I was in school and I was learning cat bat rat and book look took.
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2004-07-24, 21:52
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Post-whore
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Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: United States
Posts: 1,043
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how about i did read your post and I was just also commenting on it. Have you never been in a conversation with people before and multiple people agreeing with what one person might say? Think about it...
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2004-07-24, 22:55
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Legio Draconorum Orkian
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Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: upon raging waves
Posts: 4,499
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i liked it, and i like when poems ryhme. not every poem should do it though. But once in a while really is a good thing.
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2004-07-24, 23:28
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Senior Metalhead
Banned
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Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 137
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ah bugger, every thing i say here brings such controversy, i wasn't trying to anger you rapeandruin. It just didn't seem to me that you took my side into consideration, i was clearly wrong, sorry about that. By the way, it's clearly more in the style of a shakespearian sonet than a dr. suess poem. With heroic couplets finishing it off. It's not quite the same, but it's defintley not the style of dr. suess.
Last edited by bloodredthrone : 2004-07-24 at 23:32.
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2004-07-24, 23:38
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Post-whore
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Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: pretty damn close to Cephalic Carnage.
Posts: 3,648
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I liked the idea of the story to be honest, but having 2 lines rhyming is my least favorite style
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