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2004-06-27, 05:57
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Supreme Metalhead
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Join Date: May 2004
Location: Glen Burnie, Maryland
Posts: 958
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Count The Minutes
I am sad i've never visited this section! Here's my poem, it's about waiting for a loved one. I'm sure you'll all hate it but give it a chance.
I told you I need you
hope you understand
no want to strees you
you're the knife in my hand
I bring it to my throat
you control my fate
this all I wrote
no I'm not being fake
I'll count the minutes
'till we meet again
rebuild or destroy me
I look forward to then
do you think i'm too nice?
or are you even lying?
do you know what I like?
I don't think you're buying?
why do I trust you
we hardly ever speak
there were others too
though I never really think
I'll count the minutes
'till we meet again
rebuild or destroy me
I look forward to then
you left me here hanging
with me and myself
I know your not trying
to hurt me or yourself
so slit my throat
i'll walk amongst the dead
always to follow you
I count these minutes I do dread
__________________
 R.I.P. SAINT DIME
Quote:
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Originally Posted by Infinity
Everything is funny you just gotta look at it the right way.
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Quote:
You know I believe in a ruling class, particuarly since I rule.
-Randal, Clerks
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scientology
MySpace
scientology |
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2004-06-28, 00:27
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Supreme Metalhead
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Join Date: May 2004
Location: Glen Burnie, Maryland
Posts: 958
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__________________
R.I.P. SAINT DIME
Quote:
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Originally Posted by Infinity
Everything is funny you just gotta look at it the right way.
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Quote:
You know I believe in a ruling class, particuarly since I rule.
-Randal, Clerks
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scientology
MySpace
scientology
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2004-06-28, 13:27
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Senior Metalhead
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Jax FL, previously lived in Naples Italy
Posts: 253
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I think you had some good stuff going there. Course, i don't wait for people much anymore...i've basically given up on relationships with people i "love". they always suck bad. i liked the imagery conveyed in"you're the knife i hold" it was nice. one thing you could do, is instead of doing something like "you're the thing i'm feeling" say "you're the thing i feel" it gives it more of that harsh sound that you're after. nice work though. but not nice enough [for the niceness].
__________________
Crying from the womb, I’m hating you
Burning from the pain, I chase after you,
Seething from the fake, I’m catching you,
Chasing after ghosts, I’m killing you.
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2004-06-28, 14:37
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dsnt trust ne1 < 30
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Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Home is where the <3 is
Posts: 8,881
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Lyrically it had a good flow of words and idea, but I couldn't get past the paper melody of Blink 182. I dont' think some of there stuff is that bad, but they just don't have the formality that a lot of more mature bands. It could fit other types of music but that was what I heard on first reading.
__________________
My eldest son's bipolar website: www.bipolarmanifesto.com
-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!
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