I am sad i've never visited this section! Here's my poem, it's about waiting for a loved one. I'm sure you'll all hate it but give it a chance.

I told you I need you
hope you understand
no want to strees you
you're the knife in my hand
I bring it to my throat
you control my fate
this all I wrote
no I'm not being fake

I'll count the minutes
'till we meet again
rebuild or destroy me
I look forward to then

do you think i'm too nice?
or are you even lying?
do you know what I like?
I don't think you're buying?
why do I trust you
we hardly ever speak
there were others too
though I never really think

I'll count the minutes
'till we meet again
rebuild or destroy me
I look forward to then

you left me here hanging
with me and myself
I know your not trying
to hurt me or yourself
so slit my throat
i'll walk amongst the dead
always to follow you
I count these minutes I do dread

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COME ON! YOU'VE SEEN IT! CRITICIZE IT!

If you tell me what you think then it might help me write better.

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I think you had some good stuff going there. Course, i don't wait for people much anymore...i've basically given up on relationships with people i "love". they always suck bad. i liked the imagery conveyed in"you're the knife i hold" it was nice. one thing you could do, is instead of doing something like "you're the thing i'm feeling" say "you're the thing i feel" it gives it more of that harsh sound that you're after. nice work though. but not nice enough [for the niceness].

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Lyrically it had a good flow of words and idea, but I couldn't get past the paper melody of Blink 182. I dont' think some of there stuff is that bad, but they just don't have the formality that a lot of more mature bands. It could fit other types of music but that was what I heard on first reading.

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