You went into labour
your son about to be born
contractions began
but the membrane was torn

it didnt move
it didnt come out
it lay dead in there
docters fill with doubt

still born
in the womb
forlorn
a human tomb

emergency c section to stop you from dying
in your guts the baby dead lying
on that night when he saw you crying
he kicked your stomach to stop you mouth whining

you stomach hacked open and stench spewed forth
a rotting baby reduced to a corpse
a hardened fetus bloated with fluid
the skin broke and you caught desease of all sorts

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I all of a sudden feel hungry

Yeah, title that one "ER" What are you trying to do with that? and why the heck would you write about stillbirth, you noob!

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please dont insult me again i might cry. it took me about 1 minute to do that [longer to type], i was trying to show how easy all this gore stuff is. ive been reading thru some of these threads [because, yes i am a noob TO THIS SITE] and ppl thought that goregrind stuff was great, so there you go.
what was your problem anyway? oh well no grudge

whoa whoa whoa no need to cry. To tell you the truth I actually liked it. It flowed well, put a gruesome picture in my mind, and had a nice rhyming scheme. I don't know why everybody is so mad about the topic and its gruesomness. I thought death metal was all about it and brutality?

no, no, no, it's not that gore is bad. i love gore, it's that this is a topic that doesn't really fit with the whole deathmetal idea. i guess with the right music it could be really cool. it's good that you're writing though. you had good stuff going, i did like
"still born
in the womb
forlorn
a human tomb"
it was cool. i don't know why i'm objecting to it, i just don't think i like it that much. but that's okay! it's your stuff and i'm not going to change it, i'm just going to give you my honest comments and criticism. i think if you put something in there about the creature in the womb being something like a world saviour or something, it might get more acceptance, whatever yoiu want to do man. it's nothing personal either, i just thought i might give you a little difficulty because you're new. (it's okay) I do like your signature though, that's the stuff i like. happy writing about GORE AND BLOOD AND DEATH----------------

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thanx for the reassurance. well its more grind then anything, gore grind. it only took about five minutes to do - i have to write songs for my band. ill put something meaningful up l8r sometime. glad everone is freinds again.
or something more disgusting.

also ill take this time to state that for a noob i think im going ok! i mean ive been here 2-3 days and ive tabed 5 songs [8 if you count that fucking song which i had to redo 3 time :| ] But yeah there you go. i hope to be one of the members contributing and using the resources on this site, not all take take take.

whatever, it's all cool. i thought since no one else was giving you a rough time, then i would.

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Well, being a member of the social services workforce, it sounded very similar to some of our case studies. I think if you did use part of the concept and got away from the goriness (actually just the last verse) and concentrated on it from the abuse factor then you'd have something with a broader audience range. And if you offered a reasonable solution (not cutting off his nads ,although that wouldn't be a bad idea in my book, but maybe having him arrested for manslaughter ) it might make a difference in someone's life to get out of a potentually abusive situation. I was in a verbally abusive one for about 5 years and was offered advice by a cop I know to get out of it before his drunken rages got taken out on me or my kids. His messed up childhood messed up his adult life big time. I hope he's gotten some help because sober and in control of himself he was a pretty nice guy. Booze and drugs turned him Jekyll and Hyde.

I may relook at this when I have a little more time. I just got back from vacation and I'm pretty whooped.

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Yeah, WELCOME BACK L'B'! missed you Gram.

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check these out-
Ripping out the vocal chords
they whip you to death
unholy laceration
rip out your organs, tear out your head

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the last line doesn't fit. try this for the whole thing

"Rip out vocal chords,
Whip you to death
unholy laceration (very nice wording by the way)
Rips through your flesh,
tears off your head."

that might be more of what you had in mind. it makes it a little more vague which leaves more to the listener's imagination. i find that it is best to leave most of the work to the listener and let them come up with their own impressions and images because then you don't get everyone seeing the same thing, it's a very cool effect really, vagueness that is.

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yeah man, lol i improvised those though. i do listen to some gore grind shit but i don't write much about it hehe.

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yeah, i can see. You need action in there, and you need something that's doing the action, or else just talking about gore and junk gets boring. go check out the thread "Family Killer" or something like that.

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