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2004-05-21, 04:01
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Lo, they do call to me...
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: virginia beach, VA
Posts: 2,209
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rose petals
Gazing into the mirror
i saw myself
a shell
empty eyed and broken hearted
i turned my head
scars dont disappear
nor does a wounded soul
deliverance from this damnation
come
take my hand
like shards of glass
memories cut in
spilling my blood on the ground
decending into a blackened abyss
the cries of my spirit
a deafening sound
the everpresent sound of raindrops above
a decietful comfort like a lovers touch
all more meaningful then the sound of my own heart
failing
as my tortured mind slowly slips away
like the petals of a rose.
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Too grim to function
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2004-05-21, 20:18
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Senior Metalhead
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Jax FL, previously lived in Naples Italy
Posts: 253
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ahhh. that was great. we're actually getting back to writing now, not just screwing around (pun intended). that was nice. good feel. "the cries of my spirit
a deafening sound" this is sweet, it gets the silence and the screams in there at the same time."like shards of glass memories cut in " that's awesome too. it's like the memories hurt, and like glass, you'll never be able to get them out. it's also the smallest shards that hurt the most."i turned my head scars dont disappear " that's cool, i don't know why, it just is.
overall? very nice, you've got something there.
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Crying from the womb, I知 hating you
Burning from the pain, I chase after you,
Seething from the fake, I知 catching you,
Chasing after ghosts, I知 killing you.
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2004-05-21, 23:40
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dsnt trust ne1 < 30
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Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Home is where the <3 is
Posts: 8,881
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Very moody and ominous sounding. I liked it. I'm partial to rose pieces anyways. I've written a few. One thing that I did notice about this and I think it was cool was what you didn't have that's usually expected in a rose piece and that's there was cutting but not a thorn in sight.
I could picture someone looking into an old oval shaped mirror on the wall in a dark room looking desperate yet sadly and feeling dead inside.
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My eldest son's bipolar website: www.bipolarmanifesto.com
-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!
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2004-05-22, 00:09
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Lo, they do call to me...
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: virginia beach, VA
Posts: 2,209
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thank you for the comments, and i didnt have the rose part until the end, which i added after the initial writting of the poem, and i felt it to be a good title. this was meant to have an opeth like tinge to it, kinda depressing, but not emo-depressing, ya know what i mean.
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Too grim to function
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2004-05-22, 09:15
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dsnt trust ne1 < 30
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Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Home is where the <3 is
Posts: 8,881
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I LOVE Opeth. Gotcha! That would be perfect.
__________________
My eldest son's bipolar website: www.bipolarmanifesto.com
-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!
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2004-05-24, 17:33
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I am a tax on the world..
Forum Leader
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Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: pizza with a shit on it!
Posts: 7,994
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ehhHhhhHhh, that WAS cool. 
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Man, I get real sweaty after I wack my dong. Yeah, cause I headbang while I do, and I can't really "Jump" (haha ) like VanHalen in a dorm room, so I just walk back and forth....haha a couple days ago I was jumping up and down on my bed, with my pants down and my roommate came in when I wasn't looking, hahaha.
 
This is my band's page
http://www.myspace.com/ferocitydentontx
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2004-05-24, 19:21
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Senior Metalhead
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Jax FL, previously lived in Naples Italy
Posts: 253
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"a decietful comfort like a lovers touch" oooo. just noticed this. i like.
__________________
Crying from the womb, I知 hating you
Burning from the pain, I chase after you,
Seething from the fake, I知 catching you,
Chasing after ghosts, I知 killing you.
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2004-07-31, 01:21
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New Blood
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Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 18
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hey yeah that was damn good.  at first i wasn't sure i liked it but as i kept reading i liked it more. very good. |
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2004-08-11, 21:39
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Supreme Metalhead
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Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 655
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That was really good man. I like that style of writing dude. I got a question, this might be stupid to you guy's but I never really understood the meaning of Opeth? Sorry if it's dumb but you won't learn unless questions are asked.
__________________
walk through nature's dwelling
hide from obscure trees listening
winter brings gloom, brings remnants of our shadows
twilight casts spells on those who espouse their fate
ice pricks necks like knives, leaving shards of cadaverous skin
tears spout from eyes, shunned from mankind's den
(Prayer For Cleansing/ "A Dead Soal Born")
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2004-08-12, 15:51
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Lo, they do call to me...
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: virginia beach, VA
Posts: 2,209
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by MeTalManiac555
That was really good man. I like that style of writing dude. I got a question, this might be stupid to you guy's but I never really understood the meaning of Opeth? Sorry if it's dumb but you won't learn unless questions are asked.
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opeth got their name from some book, i cant remember off hand what exactly it is, but its on their site.
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Too grim to function
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2004-08-12, 20:09
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Supreme Metalhead
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Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 655
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Nah I know they are a band but I mean, what's that mean? Like what does thier name mean?
__________________
walk through nature's dwelling
hide from obscure trees listening
winter brings gloom, brings remnants of our shadows
twilight casts spells on those who espouse their fate
ice pricks necks like knives, leaving shards of cadaverous skin
tears spout from eyes, shunned from mankind's den
(Prayer For Cleansing/ "A Dead Soal Born")
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2004-08-12, 22:13
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Lo, they do call to me...
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: virginia beach, VA
Posts: 2,209
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by MeTalManiac555
Nah I know they are a band but I mean, what's that mean? Like what does thier name mean?
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"The name was taken from a book by author Wilbur Smith, and was originally spelled Opet without the "h" at the end. The meaning was unknown for me until I quite recently found the book myself, and got the knowledge that Opeth is the city of the moon." - mikael akerfeldt, from www.opeth.com
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Too grim to function
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2004-08-13, 02:30
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Supreme Metalhead
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Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 655
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Sweet... I never knew that man. Is there any sites with names and all and the definitions to use for lyrics because I know a guy that has a book with bunch of words for writing and they have the definitions and all on them?
__________________
walk through nature's dwelling
hide from obscure trees listening
winter brings gloom, brings remnants of our shadows
twilight casts spells on those who espouse their fate
ice pricks necks like knives, leaving shards of cadaverous skin
tears spout from eyes, shunned from mankind's den
(Prayer For Cleansing/ "A Dead Soal Born")
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