Another positive thought about one of those certain things in life...

Verse I:
Devouring away all the endless days
Nothing held together, grasp of forever
All bled that bleed, the faith of disease
Memory, misery, all the lies of history
Awaiting the relapse, breathless collapse
Set stages of fire, epitaphs from desire
Rotting away in fading twilight grey
All is dismembered, betrayal remembered

Chorus:
As Above/So Below
Embrace the Reckoning,
Decaying leaves of humanity
As Above/So Below
Victory from the Start,
Rip You Down, Tear You Apart

Verse II:
Trembling of the same moth to flames
Seeking the lives, insects born to die
Drunk on the light of the enslaved life
Contorted confusion, devotion of illusion
Fed by wings acquired by entering fire
The flicker of wick, ends burning quick
Hiding by creating a paradise awaiting
Fearing the feast of worms and beasts

Chorus

Bridge:
Call to me but I will not hear
All the cries in torment’s grip
Reach for me but I am not there
Leaving all in their fall to slip
Look for me but I will be gone
Save your own worthless lives
Pray for help to the empty dawn
Yet no gods can end this strife
That which is built can fall asunder
As all held sacred can turn profane
Everything horded becomes plunder
Any savior rising only ends up slain
Crimson glory broken mud soaked skulls
The cannon of entropy ends all life
Rivers of gore sink the mortal hull
Only way out is the edge of a knife

Chorus

Verse One Repeats

The only part I wasn't crazy about was the chorus. Not that it needed to be as wordy as the rest, but I see 'decaying' so much it put me off a little. Not bad though with the imagery you had going. Definitely had the demise/destruction feel to it.

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nice, i'd need to look over it more thoroughly, but i think you got somethin' good there.

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Yeah, I'm not crazy about my chorus either... I like growlin' "rip you down, tear you apart", but the rest is filler. I kinda suck at chorus writing, I find verses much easier.

I'm constantly reworking everything I write, I never seem to be pleased enough to leave things alone. I appreciate the feedback, as it makes me feel like I don't suck that bad...

Dave

As Above/So Below
Feel the pain,
burnt bones of humanity
As Above/So Below
Burning from the heart
Rip You Down, Tear You Apart

how's that. i think it fits and you still have that part you like. i'm not sure what it sounds like so i can't get into the rhythm of it all, but that's cool dude. try the chorus again, spend more time with it, and when you're not getting anywhere, lay it down for a day or two. then come back, you'll be surprised at how things pop out at you.

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