this is a song i wrote not long ago... i still need music for it, but that's comin' along too.

My Tears Fall Empty

Crying from the wounds, I run to you,
Burning from the pain, I come to you,
Seething from the fake, I fall from you,
Chasing after ghosts, I ran to you.

I recognize my mistake,
I realize the vows you break.
I see in you the lives you take,
I feel in you, the great heart…break

Coming from me, gushing from me.
Flowing from me, it’s healing in me.
Bleeding from me, planting in me,
Dying for me, plotting hate for me.

Crying from the wounds, I run to you,
Burning from the pain, I come to you,
Seething from the fake, I fall from you,
Chasing after ghosts, I ran to you.

Chasing for death to consume my soul,
Open your maw, and inter me whole.
Fill it on in, the grave and my soul.
Create a great mound, build up a knoll.

Fearing for life, I run to me,
Chasing for life, I fly to me,
Knowing you now, I hide in me,
Hating you more, I found myself in me.

Crying from the womb, I’m hating you
Burning from the pain, I chase after you,
Seething from the fake, I’m catching you,
Chasing after ghosts, I’m killing you.

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It seems rather abstract as far as the happenings going on.
In the first verse, I'm thinking of reversing the last 2 lines because
you're -- run to you,come to you,fall FROM you, and then back to - ran TO you.
If it read-
Crying from the wounds, I run to you,
Burning from the pain, I come to you,
Chasing after ghosts, I ran to you,
Seething from the fake, I fall from you.
--See what I mean?
Next verse is a-ok. Liked that. Got a little metal emo going there.

Coming from me, gushing from me.
Flowing from me, it’s healing in me.
Bleeding from me, planting in me,
Dying for me, plotting hate for me. --that last line I'm not sure about. I think I'd leave out the "Dying for me" because from the rest of the song so far it doesn't sound like they're doing anything but causing problems for you. Or am I misinterpretting? "Plotting hate for me" can be stretched out and I think would sound cool growled if that's what you're doing with it.
The last comment I have as far as alteration is -Chasing for death to consume my soul. That just doesn't sound right to me. If you said, with a pause after chasing, --
Chasing, wanting death to consume...--or Chasing, wishing for death to consume...hear the difference?

The "crying from the womb" gave such a helpless, overpowered feeling to bumping them off in the end.
I liked the events leading to the end. Those were a build up of empowerment to defeat the source of discord. Cool stuff.

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You got that right. I dont mean to critisize(seeing as how i cant spell that word right) but this seems like a mudvayne song.

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thanks for all the comments, that emo/metal part is actually supposed to start off with me growling the first couple lines (guitar (rest) growl) then just out and out screaming...then rising into the break there.
i know it's confusing, that's something like the first draft though, i've made a couple changes and it flows better now, but now that i've seen what y'all said, i'm gonna change it somemore.

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I do have to say that any time someone is satisfied with what they have don't just change it to fit the needs of someone else . It's your song, but whatever I offer is up for grabs to take or leave. I'm sure you and most everyone here knows that , but some are quicker than others to just change the whole scope of things sometimes.

And there ain't a darn thing wrong with a little metalhead emo, either. It 's a passion like metal music is supposed to be.

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hah. thanks.

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