Dimensions of the pentagram
invoke my resurrection
A few thousand years have died
since the pearly gates felt morbid sorrow
Forever winter nights
spread plagues to lands beyond
My touch of blasphemy, of immortality
the Unholy he, unseen
The sun rises for one final time
only now nocturnal sins
Left to make them suffer
till paragon draws in

Thy blood red unblessed Luna
birthed the lycanthropy in man
Ornaments were blistered
their pain stretched to lands beyond
They took away the children
ate away at the wisest
Lest they be caught
...decapitation and fire
As the moon desintegrates
and as they knell before their god
Mankind fell into abyss
like a vague blow of dust by winds

The religions faded too
even the lycanthropy myths
The cult's had fallen and failed
But had I prevailed?
For the immortal in me
hadn't died out
I was left, the world at my hands
but no blood in the end, only tears to shed
No, I hadn't prevailed

The last day's seemed like minutes
the plains died, the sun had too
Desecration that devestated
haunted me most of all
As the darkness caved in
as my vision turned pale
the cussing season was over
but there were still the shadows...
Moving shadows of those who are
those who never die
Lilith flew high with the night
and Tiamat's hiss was heard.

I'm glad I've got AD&D kids so I found out who and what things were I wasn't sure of. This made a lot more sense then. I'm listening to the haunting sounds of "Weakness" too so that added to the mood. Even with the violence spoken of it seemed like this was after the fact and was retrospect. Pretty cool. I did have reservations because of 2 words in it, but you did okay and didn't swell on those. The use of 'pentagram' at the very beginning sent up a red flag--beware of teen forced evily sounding piece and then the other was the mention of Lilith. That's not your fault. Using that the way you did was fine, but Lilith Fair just seems to enter my mind and to me that's just a "we're as good if not better than the guys " event. It may be a great time, but I just get bad vibes from that. That's just a personal thing though.

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Idiot.

You're calling me an idiot!? Why ? Because I voiced my opinion? Hey, I don't like Nirvana and think they are highly overrated with incredibly stupid lyrics. At least I did say your piece wasn't bad. Sorry you didn't appreciate a little honest criticism. I'm no teeny-bopper but a mature woman more the age of prospective people in the music business but if you just want comments from those less than 20 I've got no problem with it. You want something marketable or just something to post for the sake of posting. I treat each piece with intelligence and respect.

Okay, I'll give you a girlie comment...not something you can dance to so I don't like it. It sounds too much like something from English class --BORRRINGGGG!!!

There. Is that better?












butthead

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No shit?



*kick*


As you obviously have misintepreted why I was calling an idiot for, I have nothing left to say as you've done nothing but proof yourself more of an idiot by contradicting yourself and bringing comparing these words (the song, you dolk) to Nirvanas.



I'm certainly not one who would abuse the privaledge of music to make money off. I take it you are?

no, no, no....i don't believe that's what she means...what she means is that if you want something that other people will listen to... and actually LIKE! you'd better do some editing like the rest of us do around here.
SHOW SOME RESPECT! You have the audacity to call someone who has opened themself up to you by giving you their honest opinion, and you shoot them down. WHO THE HECK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE??? Are you better than us? or are you just some trashmouth who thinks they can come in here and act like they're the supreme overlord above us??? don't you DARE talk to anyone on here like that again. you have been duly forewarned...

before i absolutely lose myself and actually waste time and get mad over this...why did you call her an idiot??? do you have ANYTHING on which to base your argument???

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"...idiots...no one understands me..." (from your quote...)
DUDE ! I don't know why you did that ? That's all ! I've been called an idiot by better than you and worse than I so I really don't understand your reason for it.
And I was just using Nirvana for a comparison of something I do not like which I did not say about your piece! What dying_oath said was the approach I was taking. I don't mean to write mainstream poppy stuff because it will sell. I'm not about that at all. I do think that people who appreciate music and lyric and think of them as art want their pieces to be unique, inspiring, and remembered. I said what I thought of your piece and also made a few remarks on the side about other thoughts. If it had reminded me of Poe, as many of Powers' pieces do, I'd have said that. If it reminded me of Ozzy I would have said that, too. If I thought it was hare-brained bullcrap I'd have said that, too.

And what the hell is a dolk!!???

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You're a dick, Blashyrkh, and please be respectful to elders. This mother was giving you a crit, and there was no reason for you to badmouth her. Fucking kid. You're a fucking baby boy and you're calling someone 30 years older than you names. Don't post in this forum unless you want a crit, because that's what's this forum is for you deformed little swine. And if you didn't want a crit, then you came to the wrong place. By the way, your lyric was fucking retarded. It had bad grammer problems, and in places it didn't make any sense.

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Where the fuck have you been?



Who are you to say such things?

War's over folks! Trust me. We had a misunderstanding. And thanks guys for being so chivalrous, but you're gonna ruin your metalhead reputations !
Powers' ya had ta rub in the elder part , didn't ya?

Okay, I did reread this and one part did seem a little sketchy.
The sun rises for one final time
only now nocturnal sins
Left (to) make them suffer
till paragon draws in

I think I'd leave out the word 'to' actually. I'm not sure about grammar because I didn't see anything wrong, but there's people here better at those things than I am.

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One who is older and smarter than you.

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ohhhhhhhhh....the beat down!

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