Yes time to give everyone their presents again! And seeing guitar demon isn't around to often these days I thought I'd make the thread instead.

AndrewC - Tickets to adelaide.

Tullie - You get a ticket to Australia to join my band and guess what the also told me you can get a transfer to one of the ice cream parlours here so your not out of a job either.

Sam [not transient] - I give you a job working for major labels as a graphix and website designer, including band logos and album art, plus a state of the art computer with like Adobe Photoshop Xthousand.

Marino - I bought you tickets to a private show from Cannibal Corpse, backstage pass and 20 tag along passes for your friends.

Timothina - I make you a Magical pendant to ressurect Gorguts for one final show in Melbourne.

Johnmansley - I give you a calculator. Yeah... An enchanted one. Signed by Dillinger Escape Plan and Anata. And it has special buttons for the sole purpose of typing Nile on the screen when you hold it upside down.

Slabbefusk - You get a new photo of suddam hessein in a santa claus hat.

Cunty Shunt, you get an audition for Hellnation, dont blow it, my credability is on the line here.

YOURGODISDEAD, you get like, private marathon lessons so you can beat someone haha

TMfreak and Grafcore, you guys get a packet of condoms and some peanut butter.

k13m - Roadie position for Hate Eternals next tour.

Lbxxx - Sundial.

And probably last but not least, Siggi, you get a kick in the arse from shady uncle steve!

Theres prolly more that deserve presents from me, but thats too bad!

Can we all give presents to people, or just you? [/sillyn00bquestion]

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Everyone gives to everyone!!

I give you all tons of bitches and pounds of kush!!!

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Oh, just forget me then.

Anyway, I shall proceed with my list of gifts for you lot of unmentionables:

Dissection - some balls

SkelatorOfSteel - a He-man sword and thong box set

Rik - a mention in the gifts thread

Infinity - a Marty McFly hoverboard

FBS - The motherfucking Ashes, although England are doing a good enough job gifting them already

PST - A dictionary and thesaurus set; I think his diction could do with enlarging!

Me - a break from you cunts

BassBehemoth - breast augmentation

FearFrost - CS gas to keep Nick away from his flowing locks

Powers - the Everley Brothers box set

Chris R - the Ultimate Warrior in a gimp suit

Def - Um, beer!

Doc - Lemmy's warts

Darko - that's between me and Dylan

Nihilist - see Darko

All the Norwegians - plaster cast of John Arne Riise's six pack

BassistOfLight - darkness

Bia - David Lee Roth's soiled spandex pants

Broken Crimson - a very dark and grim forest

L,B'XXX - a personal performance from Joni Mitchell

SARS - an internet connection

Black Star - the Official History of Liverpool Football Club DVD

Tim - a lock of Luc Lemay's hair

Requiem - a comfort blanket

Soulinsane - a rubber nuclear weapon to disperse the crowds of female admirers

Ten Ton Alien - Cristiano Ronaldo's balance, or lack thereof!

Dahmer's Fridge - a TV for his cave!

Fat Danny - a chemistry set!

Autumn Curve - Aaron Turner's plectrum

I can't think of anybody else, but if I do I'll post later. Enjoy the gifts, fuckos!

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So far I`ve gotten a kick in the arse from uncle Steve and a plaster cast of John Arne Rise's six pack

I will repay your kindness later, time to go shopping.

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I knew I could count on you Mansley.

anyways, you guys aren't getting anything! too many of you here!

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Nice. I've never actually had one of those.

I give you pi to 1.3 x 10^12 decimal places

A sundial? Wth? lol

A few for starters are
PST-- A copy of Hookt on Foniks
fbs -- a Stretch Armstrong doll
Tulvox -- brownies ( )
powers' -- a sense of humor
John Holland -- gift certificate for Fashion Bug
Amadeus -- a plane ticket and new dancin' slippers
130 --
Souli' and Mrs. Souli' -- a better New Year than the past one seemed to me
Tranny -- peanutbutter laced with superglue
walpurgis -- a job at the nuke plant HERE!!!!!!!

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CTL - Air Freshner, Hooker.

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I'd give myself a bunch of stuff to make up for the lack of presents from you cunts.

haha, Mansley you cunt!

I would give you my Math course to complete, because I'm relearning shit I've done at least 4 times over in Math 11, and then Math 11 Advanced. And I'd give you a blowjob for getting it done before May.

I'll do more niggas later, I'm seeing my brother as he's back from Aussietown.

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BassB: An american green card. You've earned it bud.

LB: One year membership to Curves

FBS: A fucking baseball

PST: A thesaurus. (For using to find easier to understand words, its also intelligent to convey messages in the easiest form possible)

Infinity: A stress relief doll

CTL: The complete set of Star Trek movies. Oh and a blow up doll.

Proaz: A D in Calculus because i have a lower grade than him....

TimeDragon: Box of cleanexs haha

XGraf: A Nordic beer horn

BlizzardB: The non-ambigous gender card.

HumanCorpse: Snow

PhillKilla: An eagle globe and anchor sticker.... oops Army thats right.. A new baret? haha

Souls: A nice transition to the civilian life.

Dicksuction: Chicken Soup for the mothers soul.

Nomad: Webcode for a functioning Chat Room

Problematic: A new Skateboard and a video camera. (its your turn bitch! )

Zionist: A Full Throttle energy Drink.

Powers: A green metal tabs t-shirt with a drunken Xgraf on it.

Skelatorofsteel: A thread that never closes

Blood Red Bass: A round of applause for posting intelligent posts.

Broken Crimson: Estrogen

Shreddist: A fake ID card

Mrs. Malicious: A marriage ring.

Tranny: A vocalist

Moe_Blunts: Moe Blunts

Dystopia: No Blunts

Soeru: American Credit Debt.

JAMF: Clothes

Def: 2 Old E 40s and some ducktape. (for his hands of course) Go edward!!

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Look at all of you!!!! You're all jealous he gave you tangible presents, and you wish you were getting the e-plause I'm getting now!!!

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i really oughtta post here more often, ive been slacking the past year... no one remembered me....
with that, ill have a list built up later, i am going to bed soon, as i am getting the CFH symboly tattooed on my leg today, firts tattoo : )

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I haven't stopped laughing at this post since i first read it like 5 minutes ago.

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Fuck Star Trek. But I will take that blow up doll.

*looks at blow up doll with goo-goo eyes* and I name you "Naomi."

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Everyone gets a bottle of Steel Reserve from me. With a cute little ribbon around the cap.

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thanks for the peanut butter and condoms..i was hoping someone would get me that.






damn you! stole some of my gift ideas! was gonna get ctl a princess leah (spelling?) blow up doll...

moe blunts - mo blunts

skeletor - a thread that never locked

and i guess thats it for same gifts...

tmfreak - a real metal tabs chat room and a go army t shirt!

bassb - a subscription to random microbrews

infinity - box collection of crocodile dundee dvds

basstendencies - a couch to sleep on when he comes over today to stay a few days and see dying fetus, necrophagist and cannibal corpse..actually its his couch..

time dragon - a viking helmet with horns and a big ass battle ax

pr0az - a beer store that sells all kinds of good ass beer you can't find in the bible belt

def - some grolsch to flush his loo with

blood red bass - a blood red bass painted with real blood

pst - a chance to reopen the weed thread

thedoctor - Poecilotheria metallica http://img65.imageshack.us/img65/12...tallicamxr4.jpg

blizzardbeast - some american microbrews

darko - one of my scorpions...seriously, i have too many mouths to feed!

fbs - season tickets to that wacky cricket game

chris rendevez (forgot how the last name was spelled) - more snakes

tranny - that sex change hes always wanted

myself - a ride back to work since my lunch break is over...i'll post some more later i guess while i'm bored at work.

Princess Leia (spell it right, fo')? Fuck that (no pun intended). I want a Twi'lek doll with the head tails; I ened something to grab onto.

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i'll give you guys a picture of my penis doing a windmill


my penis doing a windmill!

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So you like it up the ass then? We just found out plenty about you off one statement alone.

Wow your video is subject to massive amounts of pranks around hte globe...We're talking to a famous gay guy here everyone!

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ahh i think i know which one you are talking about..don't think i'll click it though..especially here at the office.

for this, i will also give moe blunts a nice big sharp pair of scissors. the blunts are now laced with pcp..and i'm sending someone to film the crazyness.

hah, sweet.....

time for the real presents.....fuck you guys, i'm converting to judaism. i could use the money.

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Man o man im glad i didnt click on that in the computer lab........

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how many spins did you sit through?

i've sat through 50, and it said i was gay.

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1< because i will never watch the meatspin.com for more than a split second

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Yeah, Meatspin is fucking gay. Here's the creator's normal site, in case you want to hack/fuck his shit up:

http://tinyurl.com/dnm7v

^ Once bitten twice shy. Thanks anyway!

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LOL @ tm's list...and graf, that would be a blessing of a gift!

tmfreak - A donair with the works and a large Tim Hortons Double Double.

Graf - 100 Propeller, Garrison, St. Ambroise, and Unibroue brews!

PST - A punch in the back of the head.

Timedragon - tickets to go to Finland to see Ensiferum and a Mithotyn reunion. haha.

Tranz - A hug and a hard grab of the ass.

MTM - A foamie trucker's hat, covered with Thrash patches.

Lbxxx - A bottle of Wild Turkey.

Fbs - A non-leopard avatar.

Bia - A one night stand with myself.

CTL - Russian Mail Order Bride.

Your God is Dead - A Slayer cover band.

Agent Orange - A job portraying Steve Irwin in front of Mann's Chinese Theatre.

Requiem - GHB for his potential dream girl.

blizzard beast - I'd get you a new screen name, "lizzard beast" so your acronym could be confused with LBxxx and not me.

Stevefrost - Immortal Discogrpahy.

brainsforbreakfast - Novelty wooden Dutch shoes.

Def - See graf.

Moe Blunts - A filtered(made with cut off cigarette pack material) joint mixed with weed and tobacco.

Powers - A canadian Colt 45 40oz(8% abv) and several cans of the 10% Faxe.

philkilla - A gutted moose.

Soul - A less southern accent. haha.

Infinity - A plane ticket out of Broken Hill.

Doc - Give Acoustic Mayhem a record deal...that band was awesome!

And a big fuck you to anyone who I forgot.

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thank you phillkilla

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BassBehemoth's gift is my favorite. Russian bitches are hot..... I think..... I get so lonly sometimes all ethnic women blur together to me.

Haven't been here long enough to know everyone well enough, so some of you will probably get Best Buy gift cards.

Requiem- 2 pounds of mary jane..... in the form of HACKY SACKS!

BassBehemoth- A diecast replica of my penis.

PST- Nobel Prize.

Timedragon- a clean toothbrush.

FBS- a lifetime supply of ritalin.... and a dyke named Bubba to force you to take it. HAVE FUN!

Transient- A lock of hair off of Timothy M. Rose, actor who played Admiral Ackbar on "Return of the Jedi."

BrokenCrimson- A used baseball bat that I took from an evidence room. It was apparently used in some brutal sodomy massacre...... that I provoked.

Grafcore- Food for your spiders.

LBXXX- Boob job, chin job, ass implants, lipo, lasik, sex change, paid for and insured.

Powers- A new liver

Pr0az- Power's liver.

Infinity- an extra large Imo's pizza with watermelon and beef briskit on top.

And to the rest; Best buy gift cards and condoms.

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pst- a new yarmulke

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whoever gave me anything will receive a big warm e-hug.

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It's a jaguar, cumbucket. But thanks anyway.

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i would give you all a hug then throw you into a pit full of giant dicked niggas. some dark chocolate for the christmas season.

im gonna make them look bad though

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The only thing between John and I is a broken her-pleasure condom.

I give John a cat. He was foolish enough to ask Schrodinger take care of his last one, Whiskers, while he was on vacation so I assume he's learned his lesson. (what the hell happened with Whiskers, anyway?)

I also give grafcore Reqtum to feed to his scorpians. (And if you'll really give me one, I'll really take it!)

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meh, i can slap my dick on your face from 10 feet away.

Yeah..anything but a leopard!

I'd give Darko a Screwdriver(TOOL LOL) and give Ten Ton Alien a Ten Ton Alien.LOLLL.

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Bassbehemoth & johnmansley remembered me.

I am touched.
Your hands are warm guys.


I give everyone this one gift...
Obvious Advice...

Practice, practice, practice!

I give to each of the women on this forum 4 things


Sexy lingere

Digital Camera

My E-mail Adress

50 bucks for your trouble

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johnmansley, and nick only remembered me?


FINE I SEE HOW IT IS!!!!

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lol, INTERNET DRAMA QUEEN.

Maybe post shit in Chit Chat that is less whiny and people will remember you!

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My giftlist:

BassBehemoth- death metal t-shirts that come in a vareity of assorted colors other than black

CTL- a real, flesh and blood fucking girlfriend.

tmfreak- a new skateboard

PST 88- Dreadlocks. I am not his motherfucking grandfather like the rest of you seem to be, I refuse to get him a dictionary/thesaurus.

xgrafcorex- a lifetime supply of metay rodents

blizzard best- a revolver signed by clint eastwood

ten ton alien- height

L,B'XXX- a clone of walpurgis for her to have around home all the time

bassistoflight - satan's hacked off testicles

powersofterror- christs' hacked off testicles

FBS- a cricket bat.....I guess.

jonhamsley- more numbers to crunch

kI3M- more wood

moe blunts- moe joints (just to be a dick about it)

Requiem- .....new bed sheets

soulinsane- a boat with slayer logos painted everywhere

the doctor- 5 minutes alone with Nathan Gale

mrs.malicious- you guys are too young for me to tell you that.

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i still dream what wonders one sees when he is 6 feet tall. give me 7 or 8 inches, please!!!!!

i give you all a kick square in the nuts

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I don't know, he's still stuck in that damn box!

Bia:

The one's I forgot:

Transient - a towel in the style of the German flag, to reserve his place by the pool

MTM - a LEATHER jacket!

Blood Red Bass - a guitar, play a proper instrument!

CtL - sexy lingerie, digital camera, my email address, 50 quid for his trouble

Blizzard Beast - a motorbike helmet with those dog ears attached

K13m - a course at Alcoholics Anonymous

YGID - a miniature Kerry King to boss about

John Holland - a new surname: "Netherlands"

tmfreak - a "403 Forbidden" screen

Anybody else want a gift?

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dude, you totally rule

<- gale

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a midget taht is proned to fighting.......aw. how cute. you could go to a porn shop, buy a massive dildo and glue it to the top of your head. that'd give you a few inches.

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Hahaha, BassBehemoth won't even get me a punch in the face like I'd want. You break my heart.

I don't believe in thesauri. Most words don't have exact synonyms, just rough equivalents, and it's bullshit to pretend otherwise. Plus a lot of the big words I use don't have simple synonyms. Sorry. I don't need dreadlocks either. Had some. Didn't like them. So I'll have to give all my gifts so far back.

Jim - Half-Chinese Married Lady
Cumboy - Homotopic coffee mug/donut
Dyldo - Anal
Jarr-Jarr - Alexi Laiho's left hand (severed)
MTM - Mug full of leather and a jacket made of beer
Tranny - Operation
XTRA - Bolt cutters to the second knuckle
Tubby Ethnic - Snakeskin dildo
Alex - Me in some Sydney establishment that serves alcohol
BassBehemoth - A role in a Viking porno in which he rapes and pillages through an American city of his choice
bobpurgis - A legal name change to 'bobpurgis'
FearFrost - An actual played-by-Dime
Eddy - A broken Heineken bottle in a playground
tmfreak - A world where putt-putt gives way to skateboarding and Sony execs wear clown suits and makeup
powersoft - A chance to drink outside that room
low-tech - Honest production, 13 bagels, the respect of jazz drummers, and a de-imploded band
Bia - There's always room for more Jell-O
Broken Crimson - A recapitated goat

I think that's everyone.

I I'll try to hop on the bandwagon. Hey, I've been around more than a year, though mainly just reading the tips in gear&recording. And, of course, taking care of personal correspondence.

FBS - A pair of nice, black knee-high boots and a honorary padlock.
PST - You'll get the punch in the face from me, for repeteadly stealing all the fun on the poetry lyrical.
l'b,xxx - A butler.

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THANK YOU

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YESSSS!!

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travI56669 - a new name instead of John

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Hey! I gave you a Slayer cover band to lead! haha.

I forgot Blood Red Bass, I would give you all my love.


And then kill myself in front of you.

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I know what to give PST; a quote to put in his sig.


"It was like fucking, only better. I love my bed, and always will."

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i'm NOT a midget. 5'6" is just a little under average, that's all.

Infinity - A way out of the desert
Guitar_Demon - An Norwegian flag
Transient - A new spine which isn't fused together
Cloaca - Perfect!11! desecration of thee tabbing standars. Yeah.
metal_monkey - A gential amputation, to prevent him from reproducing
tmfreak - A new skateboard deck
John Mansley - V.I.P seat to a game on Anfield
FBS - A powerrack
Hot_Spicy - Some sort of temple
Xerox - A greencard

I'll post the rest later.

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I give Ten Ton Alien a few inches to make him taller.

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So, you guys are really buying presents for eachother over the internet? Seriously?

Crazy. Nice. Cool. And sweet. But crazy, mang.

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Maybe if we all chip in we can get Dystopia some fucking smarts.

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top ten alien - a video of my interprative dance to "battle hymn"
requiem - a fuckin haircut
zionist- a foot in his asshole
bassb - a new liver
myself - a really really really big candy bar
dystopia - a brain
transient - cancer

i'll think of more later

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LEt's get them at Walmart so we don't have to pay so much.

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so we're not? fuck!! i just spent a shitload to have them custom make ctl's star wars sex doll!

CTL- a Fleshlight
Bass Behemoth- A beaver that pisses Alexander Keiths
The Doctor- Phil Anselmo's ball sweat
Kiem- An english dictionary
moe_blunts- an ounce of shake laced with a 50 rock of crack crushed into the mix
Cunty Shunt- A band. With me.
Robbie Filth- a vial of Menstrual Slime
Transient- long hair and Immolation undies
Powers'- A reserve filled with steele reserve
metal_monkey- I'm with humancorpse for having him castrated
L,B'XXX- Industrial box of Depends

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Never has cancer been so funny.

Oh yeah! I forgot NHOE!!!

I'd want to dump a bucket of water on your head and observe your hair.

humancorpse - A grocery bag of snow and ice cubes. LOLZ. PNW.

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As one of my favorite Metal Tabbers, you have to give me something.

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i give everyone a hamburger.

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Ahahahahaahaaha

i'll take it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

moe_blunts-futurama dvd box set for all the seasons
TimeDragon-better connection
bassbehemoth- my love

are you fucking straight? I set through over 1000 when I was stoned.

EDIT: I find it surprising no one wanted to give my computer a virus

Id give Requiem any Cryptopsy CD BUT whisper supremacy,
and everyone else a brand new pair of corduroy pants with 10 dollars in the back pocket. (you can have puppy patches, kitty patches, or cleaning product patches)

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Ill take the kitty patches. Keep the 10 and just rip the back of the jeans out.

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Thanks a lot. I"m probably gonna need 2 or 3 of them, though; I like it rough.

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I wasn't going to give Richard dick, but now he has an STD.

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I have them all, already. Thanks anyways.

to NHOE:

ill give you the precise locations of Bart Simpson's whereabouts 24/7

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travI56669 - Travis Bickle

NHOE - The moon, to introduce new Hell there as well

Hot Spicy - his own personal gimp

DeathCS - Jason Becker's semen-encrusted briefs

Shreddist - a 40-year old woman who's had eight kids!

Wally - a forum where his mother doesn't post!

Metal Monkey - a Darwin Award

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I could use that. Well, her.

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hahaha!

That's the guy from Taxi Driver right? That's who I was named after. I RULE

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Good...good...

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hehe I'm 2 inches taller than you are. Ah well, dynamite comes in small packages sometimes.

Someone is gonna find used Depends in their chimney.

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That's like the best present, EVAR.

I'm going to be lazy here and give each of you 20 British Pounds to spend on a cheap hooker.

lol, damn i dont even like hate eternal anymore.. thx anyway
man youll get a free custom axe from me for that, can you wait a few years?? im not that good yet
alcoholics anonymous

man i havent been drunk for ages, i mean surely everyone misses my drunk posts right???

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Alright. My x-mas misgivings :

FBS : some sort of stress relieving device.
PST : A book of some sort, like a dictionary or a thesaurus.
Transient : A trip to Europe.
MTM : Scott Ian's goatee.
PhilKilla : A very nice smoke-out session.
NHOE : A garage made out of pure gold and diamonds for Necrotic.
John Mansley : I don't know ... something about math.
BassBehemoth : A magical elixir that turns your piss into beer.
Cloaca : A fruitcake.
Powers Of Terror : A magical elixir that turns your piss into Steel Reserve.
Moe Blunts : A blunt and a left-field remark.

To whomever I forgot, I might edit this post.

Correct me if I am wrong, but isn't the best/most expensive wood for instrument-building brazillian rosewood? I also think since it is becoming "endangered" it is now illegal to make instruments with it or something...

And if you happen to get around to it, I'll take one of those bitching bastard-style blood red flying V's. They serrated have horns, so when I stab people with it, I won't have to use as much energy.

I seriously have a lot of respect for luthiers. I have no idea how to do it, nor have ever tried, but I know how frustrating it can get and how precise you have to be. After I get my vaccine for stupidity patened, I will have enough money to pay you for a custom guitar.

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euhm, your close but not completely... your talkign about rio palisander.. (palisander is rosewood), the wood specie is endangered and protected, it cannot be harvested anymore, nor being sold.. UNLESS it has a certificate that the trees have been harvested before a certain date. with those certificated(sp) woods you can still build instruments (or whatever).


also there is no best wood for instrument building, it realy depends on what kind of tone your after, and combining different wood can create realy good tones... also the most expensive wood i know of would be snakewood... wich obviously kinda looks like a snakes skinn, ive seen fretboards of snakewood go for 150 usd to over 400 usd euros a piece

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.... Oh yeah, I need to correct somehting about my previous post. EVERY guitarist/bassist/mandolinist/banjoist/violinist/chapman stickist should have a lot of respect for luthiers.

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Damnit, too bad I wasn't a diabetic!

I would give you, Mr. Holland, I would give you the most brutal album in Existence.

Prince- Self Titled

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Awww, you've been reading my diary!

I would also like to give everyone on metaltabs a copy of PST 88's diary, so that every single argument that occurs on the site will become so logical and systematic that the winner can be determined beforehand, and all arguments will therefore cease to exist.

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aww guys i wander off for a few days to study for finals, and look what i miss!

bassb - a fridge that multiplies the beer inside by three every time you open the door.

ctl - the falcon, just with a broken hyperdrive. also, some naked ladies.

trans - 3649$ in your paypal account, reserved for buying shirts on ebay, as well as seven unfused thoracic and lumbar vertebrae.

timedragon - a small town to rape and pillage, and a cute little viking helmet to do it with.

brb - a blood red guitar. <edit> and a new username: blood red guitar.

requiem - a spellcheck program.

johnmansley - an aston martin.

since i don't like shopping, i'll buy the rest of your gifts later. haha.

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I'll keep the ladies, but I'm giving you the falcon back with a tool kit and I'm telling you to fix that mother fucker! Merry Christmas.

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