MetalTabs.com - your source for Metal tabs
Home Forum What's New Submit a Tab FAQ Links Contact Us Link to Us


Go Back   MetalTabs.com Forum > Metal > Poetry Lyrical
User Name
Password


Reply
 
Thread Tools
  #1  
Old 2005-10-27, 14:37
Brutur's Avatar
Brutur Brutur is offline
Senior Metalhead
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Germany, Bonn
Posts: 232
Send a message via ICQ to Brutur Send a message via MSN to Brutur
Hiatus

Hiatus

On a peregrinate,
To human condominiums,
One crosses countless faces and characters.
All altered minded,
Following their planned life to reach what they call Elysium.

Step by Step,
Breath by breath,
They all live in an emotionless world,
And hope that their death brings them far remote as soon as possible.

Fact or Truth is,
There is no such thing as Elysium or Hell.
One will end up in a Hiatus,
Trapped within their own soul,
Not capable to escape from the raven black surrounding.

One will be alone,
Forever,
Turning insane.
__________________
"Without corpses
there's no War
and without War
there's no Victory
My Dear!"
- by Devil Doll (The Girl who was... Death)

"In an Insane World,
an Insane Man,
MUST appear Insane,"
- Alien 3
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 2005-10-27, 14:53
L,B'XXX's Avatar
L,B'XXX L,B'XXX is offline
dsnt trust ne1 < 30
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Home is where the <3 is
Posts: 8,880
Send a message via ICQ to L,B'XXX Send a message via AIM to L,B'XXX Send a message via Yahoo to L,B'XXX
That was interesting. An idea that there's something after death only it's total eternal confusion. I think that's what you're getting at, right?
__________________
My eldest son's bipolar website: www.bipolarmanifesto.com

-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 2005-10-27, 15:00
Brutur's Avatar
Brutur Brutur is offline
Senior Metalhead
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Germany, Bonn
Posts: 232
Send a message via ICQ to Brutur Send a message via MSN to Brutur
Quote:
Originally Posted by L,B'XXX
That was interesting. An idea that there's something after death only it's total eternal confusion. I think that's what you're getting at, right?


hmm, I believe that after human life, one will end up in a gap between space and time. Many humans belive in heaven and hell, but with this I try to expand the view on after death. What if we all end up in place, which has no time and space?! One will have no physical body, only his mind....

Believes are going to be false.
One will turn crazy
__________________
"Without corpses
there's no War
and without War
there's no Victory
My Dear!"
- by Devil Doll (The Girl who was... Death)

"In an Insane World,
an Insane Man,
MUST appear Insane,"
- Alien 3
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 2005-10-27, 17:47
L,B'XXX's Avatar
L,B'XXX L,B'XXX is offline
dsnt trust ne1 < 30
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Home is where the <3 is
Posts: 8,880
Send a message via ICQ to L,B'XXX Send a message via AIM to L,B'XXX Send a message via Yahoo to L,B'XXX
Would the mind be the equivalent of the soul? It sounds similar to the same concept. At least as I believe the soul to be.
__________________
My eldest son's bipolar website: www.bipolarmanifesto.com

-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 2005-10-28, 09:36
Brutur's Avatar
Brutur Brutur is offline
Senior Metalhead
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Germany, Bonn
Posts: 232
Send a message via ICQ to Brutur Send a message via MSN to Brutur
Quote:
Originally Posted by L,B'XXX
Would the mind be the equivalent of the soul? It sounds similar to the same concept. At least as I believe the soul to be.


well I seperate soul and mind from each other.... they are certainly connected and one cannot exist without the other....
__________________
"Without corpses
there's no War
and without War
there's no Victory
My Dear!"
- by Devil Doll (The Girl who was... Death)

"In an Insane World,
an Insane Man,
MUST appear Insane,"
- Alien 3
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 2005-10-28, 09:40
L,B'XXX's Avatar
L,B'XXX L,B'XXX is offline
dsnt trust ne1 < 30
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Home is where the <3 is
Posts: 8,880
Send a message via ICQ to L,B'XXX Send a message via AIM to L,B'XXX Send a message via Yahoo to L,B'XXX
You lost me there.
__________________
My eldest son's bipolar website: www.bipolarmanifesto.com

-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 2005-10-28, 10:43
Brutur's Avatar
Brutur Brutur is offline
Senior Metalhead
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Germany, Bonn
Posts: 232
Send a message via ICQ to Brutur Send a message via MSN to Brutur
Quote:
Originally Posted by L,B'XXX
Would the mind be the equivalent of the soul? It sounds similar to the same concept. At least as I believe the soul to be.


yes the mind would be more or less equivalent to the soul

what do you think about the use of words and the structure in this piece?
__________________
"Without corpses
there's no War
and without War
there's no Victory
My Dear!"
- by Devil Doll (The Girl who was... Death)

"In an Insane World,
an Insane Man,
MUST appear Insane,"
- Alien 3
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 2005-10-28, 10:59
L,B'XXX's Avatar
L,B'XXX L,B'XXX is offline
dsnt trust ne1 < 30
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Home is where the <3 is
Posts: 8,880
Send a message via ICQ to L,B'XXX Send a message via AIM to L,B'XXX Send a message via Yahoo to L,B'XXX
I think it was less overwhelming with the headier descriptive words which would make it easier to contemplate for the average person. I'm kind of curious why you used the term "human condominiums" at the beginning. Is that the overall view of everything it takes to be a human comparing them to structures sometimes bonded or close together and similar?
The structure was fine and I liked having the shorter phrases at the end. I use that in my pieces when I want that part to drift off to the reader's own thoughts and I think you did that there, too.
Did you write this more as a poem or a song?
__________________
My eldest son's bipolar website: www.bipolarmanifesto.com

-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 2005-10-28, 12:03
Brutur's Avatar
Brutur Brutur is offline
Senior Metalhead
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Germany, Bonn
Posts: 232
Send a message via ICQ to Brutur Send a message via MSN to Brutur
Quote:
Originally Posted by L,B'XXX
I think it was less overwhelming with the headier descriptive words which would make it easier to contemplate for the average person. I'm kind of curious why you used the term "human condominiums" at the beginning. Is that the overall view of everything it takes to be a human comparing them to structures sometimes bonded or close together and similar?
The structure was fine and I liked having the shorter phrases at the end. I use that in my pieces when I want that part to drift off to the reader's own thoughts and I think you did that there, too.
Did you write this more as a poem or a song?


I used the word condominium to embody a big city. A condominium is a building complex, with apartments, all close to each other. To make the poem/lyric more thought-provoking, I used this word to portray the city.

Yeah, so your are nearly right with your interpretation.

thanks for your comments!
__________________
"Without corpses
there's no War
and without War
there's no Victory
My Dear!"
- by Devil Doll (The Girl who was... Death)

"In an Insane World,
an Insane Man,
MUST appear Insane,"
- Alien 3
Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 20:06.


========

Contact Us | Privacy Policy | Disclaimer
Copyright © 2001-2009 MetalTabs.com. All Rights Reserved.
Powered by vBulletin
Copyright ©2000 - 2009, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.