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  #1  
Old 2005-09-13, 17:10
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'Untitled' (mysterious huh?)

Pale mist blankets naked trees,
Under a glowing moon.
The nightbirds warn
Through silence torn
Of a winter come too soon.

Fr0s+b1tt3n grass carpets the Earth
'Neath the studded skies.
An ocean of stars
Tell tales of past
And embrace a wandering mind.



Some shit i wrote last night when i couldnt sleep, obviously not done, but i thought i would post it for the fuck of it
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BOB_ZE_METALLEU
yeah, one night he (BassBehemoth) came with some GHB and he put it in my drink, when i woke up....i lost my hymen....terrible


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  #2  
Old 2005-09-13, 18:59
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Keep going with it. I really like the tone of it and it's a good intro. But your 1337 sp33k made me smile. Silly.
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-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
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  #3  
Old 2005-09-13, 19:03
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Hah thanks, i was waiting for you to comment

And i couldnt resist with the frostbitten thing
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Think my attitude stinks?? You should smell my fingers.

Quote:
Originally Posted by BOB_ZE_METALLEU
yeah, one night he (BassBehemoth) came with some GHB and he put it in my drink, when i woke up....i lost my hymen....terrible


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  #4  
Old 2005-09-13, 19:46
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You baited me?? AH! You stinker!!!
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-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!
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  #5  
Old 2005-09-13, 21:02
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nice lyrics dude
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  #6  
Old 2005-09-13, 21:58
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Thanks man

Well since apparantly it isnt utter crap ill continue on with it at some time

Not too sure how good it would be as lyrics, ill just write it as a poem at this stage. Then perhaps modify it into a song.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BOB_ZE_METALLEU
yeah, one night he (BassBehemoth) came with some GHB and he put it in my drink, when i woke up....i lost my hymen....terrible


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  #7  
Old 2005-09-14, 06:39
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i dont know about Pale mist blankets naked trees but everything else sounded cool
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music expresses which words cant emulate



Quote:
Originally Posted by User01
ibut i wouldnt get any help at a slipknot board, theyre struggling with palm muting!
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  #8  
Old 2005-09-14, 11:32
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If you haven't heard the songs "Ghosts" or "Autumn" by Strawbs the tone and rhyme scheme reminded me of those. And it got me inspired to write a concept piece myself.
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-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!
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  #9  
Old 2005-09-14, 19:46
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heh i can definitely see the opeth influences in your lyrics no doubt. I give you a 4.5/5 but since i cant do that i'll give ya a 5; it's really good so far
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  #10  
Old 2005-09-14, 20:27
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Quote:
Originally Posted by L,B'XXX
If you haven't heard the songs "Ghosts" or "Autumn" by Strawbs the tone and rhyme scheme reminded me of those. And it got me inspired to write a concept piece myself.

how do u think of poems on demand like that? well we're all good at somthing, and poetry is defintly ur thing cant wait to hear it.
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ibut i wouldnt get any help at a slipknot board, theyre struggling with palm muting!
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  #11  
Old 2005-09-15, 00:41
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Cheers guys, i havent really had time to add anything, im learning back in black by ACDC for my band

Quote:
Originally Posted by YJM04
i dont know about Pale mist blankets naked trees but everything else sounded cool


I was trying to make the reader visualise like dead white trees with no leaves or bark (naked) and yeah the pale mist part speaks for itself.

Any suggestions of rewording it or somethin?
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Think my attitude stinks?? You should smell my fingers.

Quote:
Originally Posted by BOB_ZE_METALLEU
yeah, one night he (BassBehemoth) came with some GHB and he put it in my drink, when i woke up....i lost my hymen....terrible



Last edited by OpethFan : 2005-09-15 at 02:13.
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  #12  
Old 2005-09-15, 15:23
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sorry im still a bit imature. just a phase
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music expresses which words cant emulate



Quote:
Originally Posted by User01
ibut i wouldnt get any help at a slipknot board, theyre struggling with palm muting!
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  #13  
Old 2005-09-15, 17:56
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You're fine. Don't worry about it. That band has some very haunting medieval sounding songs. Their keyboardist was Rick Wakeman from King Crimson. The song Life Auction has a lot of the song "Epitaph" in it. I think KC's song came out before "Life Auction" though. Check out the song "Witchwood" if you like the time change things and stuff.
I've sung along with records, tapes, and cd's for a long time and some things just get ingrained. I'll pick up a vibe from a verse and get bits of melody or tone. If I could produce what I hear in my head I'd have it made. And since I listen to about anything that range is pretty broad.

Opeth-- If you like that line and it gives the description you want, leave it alone. If you aren't satisfied with it then change it.
Chiffon mist blankets barren trees -- would work but I'm not sure I like the illusion of chiffon/blankets since one is filmy thin and one is heavier. Hit dictionary.com and go to the thesaurus and see if anything else sounds feasible there.
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My eldest son's bipolar website: www.bipolarmanifesto.com

-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!
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  #14  
Old 2005-09-16, 16:33
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pretty cool stuff
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Fucking on the couch while posting on Metaltabs and getting caught by your mother....

Priceless!
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  #15  
Old 2005-09-16, 16:55
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Quote:
Originally Posted by L,B'XXX
Opeth-- If you like that line and it gives the description you want, leave it alone. If you aren't satisfied with it then change it.
Chiffon mist blankets barren trees -- would work but I'm not sure I like the illusion of chiffon/blankets since one is filmy thin and one is heavier. Hit dictionary.com and go to the thesaurus and see if anything else sounds feasible there.


Yeah your right mom, my vocabulary has never been all that vast


Cheers Mike
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My bands page ^

Think my attitude stinks?? You should smell my fingers.

Quote:
Originally Posted by BOB_ZE_METALLEU
yeah, one night he (BassBehemoth) came with some GHB and he put it in my drink, when i woke up....i lost my hymen....terrible


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  #16  
Old 2005-09-16, 17:30
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Hey, I use that site a lot and also a rhyming dictionary site. They can be a godsend.

I have an instructional poetry book somewhere around here and one of the things that stuck with me was that back in the dark ages or whenever he was around Chaucer complained about the use of obscure words and thought it better to use plain old layman's language than big ones no one had ever heard of.
You're a guy and you can talk. That's 2 strikes there anyways. So there!


YJM04-- Well, it might be awhile before you hear it, but I posted it.
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My eldest son's bipolar website: www.bipolarmanifesto.com

-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!
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  #17  
Old 2005-09-21, 09:22
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Nice lyrics. Some of the better shit posted here.
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  #18  
Old 2005-10-14, 14:13
The Angry Hobbit The Angry Hobbit is offline
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nice
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