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  #1  
Old 2003-11-07, 13:12
Drag the Waters's Avatar
Drag the Waters Drag the Waters is offline
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Pile of Corpses

"Pile of Corpses"

(intro)
piled up to the torso,
in a massive grave,
the cemetery's full,
with the long lost brave,
no more room for you to lay,
thrown on the pile,
without a name,

(verse 1)
the sick and dying moan,
the stench of festered skin,
mutilated flesh and bone,
a sea of decapitated limbs,
mangled body and inverted neck,
rotting till there's nothing left,

(chorus)
the pile attracts the flies,
dinner for the worms,
are those who died,

(verse 2)
you are destined to decay,
and rot in your own filth,
staring lifeless night and day,
at the women and children killed,
the look on their faces are so plain,
head split open and spilled out brains,

(outro)
fagile as a porcelain doll,
stiff and cold,
the pile stands tall,

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  #2  
Old 2003-11-08, 11:51
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brainsforbreakfast brainsforbreakfast is offline
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Re: Pile of Corpses

Quote:
Originally posted by Drag the Waters
" stuff


it misses the all important flow...
or is it supposed to be grunted?
(and its a bit cliche...but nice imagery anyway)
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  #3  
Old 2003-11-09, 16:00
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L,B'XXX L,B'XXX is offline
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I got a rhythm from it. It went a little tricky at --
"a sea of decapitated limbs,
mangled body and inverted neck,
rotting till there's nothing left,"

But I reread it and got it. I wasn't keen on the chorus, but it could work. It just doesn't have the zap the rest of the piece does. Pretty decent descriptions and the storyline was balanced well.
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  #4  
Old 2003-11-10, 01:51
Drag the Waters's Avatar
Drag the Waters Drag the Waters is offline
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eh.. yeah ill admit not my best work, and i know its a tad "cliche". But thanks for reading and replying to it anyway.


p.s.-i dont really see anyone else on here attempting Gore-Metal.
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........_( . ,,)_.......................
......(______)......................
.......| ____ |........................
.____|___|________........
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.|......ice-cream....|.|__|..\___
.|.........................|..............*|
.|_.....___________.....__.o|
....(...)....~.~~.>--<o.(...).......
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  #5  
Old 2003-12-04, 05:35
SinThetIc SinThetIc is offline
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all and all not too bad... the flow was ehh a lil off... but the chorus could be fixed up a bit
(chorus)
the pile attracts the flies,
dinner for the worms,
are those who died,

not a good chorus.... the chorus of all things should flow really well
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  #6  
Old 2003-12-15, 14:40
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it was veryvery good. Everebody thinks writing gore is very easy, but its harder than you think.

anyway, post more!
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