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  #1  
Old 2004-12-02, 06:21
Infinity's Avatar
Infinity Infinity is offline
Life is pain.
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Facing Reality

Do not fuck with what you don't understand!
You think this is about death and hate - It's about reality!
The lines are crosshatched. You are nothing.
Non existence. Death is the ultimate reality.
I cast out the dreamers and believers!
Pointless straight line. Blurred target.
The essence of human life is living.
Emotions cast aside. Respond to pain and plesure.
"Eat the path" - End the path.
We are here to control your minds!
Our existence invokes anger and sadness!
We bear the marks of the one who knows!
Melancholy, Anger, Jealousy!
Figments of imagination.
The walls are closing in and you know it.
We who finger the ultimates!
Rampant minds see the truth.
We know what D ignores!
Do not fuck with what you don't understand.
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  #2  
Old 2004-12-02, 07:43
L,B'XXX's Avatar
L,B'XXX L,B'XXX is offline
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First off, I'd ditch those first couple lines completely. It began like a rant and not a good rant at that. Then I'd move the next couple into the piece a little further. The rest I'd not change at all. It had good flow all around.


I cast out the dreamers and believers!
Pointless straight line. Blurred target.
The lines are crosshatched. You are nothing.
Non existence. Death is the ultimate reality.
The essence of human life is living. (I'm not sure I'd leave this line in due to the prior one. It might be too contradictory or maybe it's just the way I'm thinking of it.)
Emotions cast aside. Respond to pain and plesure.
"Eat the path" - End the path.
etc...


Not bad for what it is.
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-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!
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  #3  
Old 2004-12-03, 00:45
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Infinity Infinity is offline
Life is pain.
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Its all metaphor. Try to think. Thanks though, its just not a pointless ramble.
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  #4  
Old 2004-12-03, 08:12
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L,B'XXX L,B'XXX is offline
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I think you misunderstood. I only meant the way it began. I thought the rest was good.
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My eldest son's bipolar website: www.bipolarmanifesto.com

-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!
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  #5  
Old 2004-12-05, 22:31
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collyersgirl collyersgirl is offline
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Wow that was actually pretty good, i wish we did that sort of stuff at school, but our teachers see the word 'fuck' and branish it with a stick. He you're actually pretty talented as a poet no matter what other people say, keep at it aye.
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