dsnt trust ne1 < 30
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Home is where the <3 is
First off, I'd ditch those first couple lines completely. It began like a rant and not a good rant at that. Then I'd move the next couple into the piece a little further. The rest I'd not change at all. It had good flow all around.
I cast out the dreamers and believers!
Pointless straight line. Blurred target.
The lines are crosshatched. You are nothing.
Non existence. Death is the ultimate reality.
The essence of human life is living. (I'm not sure I'd leave this line in due to the prior one. It might be too contradictory or maybe it's just the way I'm thinking of it.)
Emotions cast aside. Respond to pain and plesure.
"Eat the path" - End the path.
Not bad for what it is.
My eldest son's bipolar website: www.bipolarmanifesto.com
-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!