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  #1  
Old 2003-05-13, 13:27
EndOn9 EndOn9 is offline
New Blood
 
Join Date: May 2003
Posts: 1
"Termites"

Hey, this is my first piece on this site. Feedback appreciated:



TERMITES


Passion reeks of fasion in your twisted mockery,
Your looking for a quick buck on the back of other's dreams,
The death knoll of acceptance by the eager status quo,
Leaves me with nothing to believe in.

---CHORUS---
No meat on the bones,
No meat on the bones,
Last chance for your encore.

No meat on the bones,
No meat on the bones,
Can't feed the void much more.
------------

Anger in a bottle ready packaged off the shelf,
Life's a torture to the grave until you switch it off,
Why bother to keep worrying I think I'll sell my mind,
Now there's nothing to believe in.

---CHORUS---
No meat on the bones,
No meat on the bones,
Last chance for your encore.

No meat on the bones,
No meat on the bones,
Can't feed the void much more.
------------
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  #2  
Old 2003-05-13, 13:50
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The Doctor The Doctor is offline
Denimwearinghillbilly
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i like the chorus a lot
the verses are a bit (too) vague for me, but hey, thats just me.
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  #3  
Old 2003-05-14, 00:28
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powersofterror powersofterror is offline
I am a tax on the world..
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ehhhh, it didn't catch me...
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Man, I get real sweaty after I wack my dong. Yeah, cause I headbang while I do, and I can't really "Jump" (haha ) like VanHalen in a dorm room, so I just walk back and forth....haha a couple days ago I was jumping up and down on my bed, with my pants down and my roommate came in when I wasn't looking, hahaha.


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  #4  
Old 2003-05-14, 03:52
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L,B'XXX L,B'XXX is offline
dsnt trust ne1 < 30
 
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It wasn't bad. I really liked the second verse. The imagery was cool. Title was interesting ,too. The rhythm was good throughout. I think it would be quite singable.
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My eldest son's bipolar website: www.bipolarmanifesto.com

-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!
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