Black cloud hangs over me again
Drops of sadness are falling like rain
Coming feelings of regrets and sighs
That I have known a thousand times

Bridge:
Source of my strength to carry on
Disappearing
Like sands after lowtide
Will I be gathering on and on
Appearing
Like sands after hightide

All around is misty and blurry
No sense in what I used to worry
Everything I´ve done seems to be in vain
Pleasure of it will never more remain

Bridge:
Source of my strength to carry on
Disappearing
Like sands after lowtide
Will I be gathering on and on
Appearing
Like sands after hightide

Chorus:
Drowning in a lake of melancholy
Just head above the surface
Can´t get out all walls are slippery
My eyes looking at a white haze
Drowning in a lake of melancholy
Sands below me falling down
Shall it last eternally?
Or will my head go down? (too)

I´m just a shadow of a child
I used to be
All beatiful inside´s been
broken by years

Everyday there was something new
To see and learn
Time after time all unknowledge
was burnt

Bridge:
When did it happen
Who is to blame
The change shattered
All my life and broke my game

I used to live in my free world
With no cares
Of the god called money that rules
Everywhere

I´ve never really thought that
My soul could bleed
That I would ever meet with
All lies and greed

Bridge:
When did it happen
Who is to blame
The change shattered
All my life and broke my game

Chorus:
I don´t wanna be
I don´t wanna be an adult since now
I don´t wanna see
I don´t wanna see the world go down

Indifference and selfishness
I had to fight
"Obey!" "Work!" "Pay!" "Die!" is life with
We all satisfied

Bridge:
When did it happen
Who is to blame
The change shattered
All my life and broke my game

Chorus:
I don´t wanna lose
I don´t wanna lose sweet innocence
I don´t wanna feel
I don´t wanna feel blood of childhood on my hands

Sitting here in your small world
You think you´ve got all
Living your life only with
Shadows on the wall

You live as they taught you
As your ancestors did
„Never look to the light!“
Or you will be hit

Bridge:
You have never dared to move
To leave your sacred ground
You are scared to know all truth
To turn your head around

Chorus:
From the cradle to the grave
You are living in a cave
Only shadows on the wall
They cannot be really all!
Hardly no one wants to know
About brighter way to go

Doubts are crying in your head
But they are weaker than
Conviction of the others
Who defeat you again

But there is undying doubt
If light burns like fire
Then fire just can warm either
And might take you higher

Bridge:
You have never dared to move
To leave your sacred ground
You are scared to know all truth
To turn your head around

Chorus:
From the cradle to the grave
You are living in a cave
Only shadows on the wall
They cannot be really all!
Hardly no one wants to know
About brighter way to go

I liked this, but the chorus seemed to have a couple nits.

Drowning to the lake of melancholy -"to" sounds awkward. "Drowning in a" sounds a little smoother there.
Just head above a surface - instead of "a surface" maybe "the surface." "a surface" makes me wonder surface of what?
Can´t get out all walls are slippery - okay
My eyes looking to a white haze - The "to" here seems tricky. I'm getting different interpretations of that. That can be a good thing if that's your intention.
Drowning to the lake of melancholy - See above
Sands below me falling down - okay
Shall it last eternally? - okay
Or will my head go down too? -I like this idea, but having "too" at the end seems to make it less powerful. I'm not real sure how I'd alter that line other than completely removing "too."

Take it or leave it. Just my thoughts. Enjoyed the lyric.

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I'm not being rude, but I have to ask if English is your second language. There's a few things in this and the other piece you posted that are leading me to believe that, and if it is so, I'll explain my alterations a little differently.

Good read overall. It's nice to see more lyrics on here.

__________________

Another singable piece, but one verse threw it off for me.

But there is undying doubt
If light burns like fire -Those two lines flow well.
Then fire just can warm either - This line is where it falls off.
And might take you higher - I'm not sure if this line weakens the verse since the previous line is unclear.

Just a little to consider to polish your song.

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Hi L,B'XXX

Thank you for your advices. I edited them.
You´ve got great feeling about a lyrics flow.



You´re right. I´ve got the same feeling about "too" doesn´t fit to melody.

That´s ok. You´re right. English isn´t my native language. I´m from Czech republic (Europe).

You´re right again about the line where it falls.
I can´t figure out another line. Any advice?
Thank you.

Is it my destiny
To suffer all the time?
Is it meant to be
Easy living is a crime?

Is it precious for me
A simple happiness?
Is it so usual
To (be) drowning in sadness?

Is it so hard for me
To reach aims day by day?
Is it the same for all
With all hurdles on their way?

Why´s someone born here
Under blue sunny sky?
Why´s a rain falling
Just on me tell me why?

Bridge:
When I feel bad
It´s in my head
Appearing pain
Dwells in my heart
A big question mark
Again and again

Chorus:
Questions
Questions – without answers
Questions
Questions – eat me like a cancer
Questions
Questions – another whys
Questions
Questions – they´ll never die

Chorus:
Questions
Questions – without answers
Questions
Questions – eat me like a cancer
Questions
Questions – another whys
Questions
Questions – they´ll be until I die

Explain a little bit about what you're trying to get across there and we'll see if we can come up with something, okay?

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That's cool. I'll try to come close to what you're saying in your lyrics, but if I miss the mark let me know.

I´m just a shadow of a child
I used to be
All beatiful inside´s been - All beauty inside has been
broken by years

Even though you slur to make it sound like "inside's" it reads easier with the word "has" there. It's not a good contraction to use, but if you want to keep it there that's okay. I see why.

Everyday there was something new
To see and learn
Time after time all unknowledges
Were burnt

-Can you clarify what you mean by "unknowledges?" I don't think that's a word.

Bridge:
When has it happened - When did it happen or What has happened - if either of those fit your meaning.
Who is to blame
The change shattered
With all my life and broke my game
- Do you mean "The change shattered All my life and broke my game?"

I used to live in my free world
With no cares
Of the god called money that rules
Everywhere

I´ve never really thought that
My soul could bleed
That I would ever meet with
All lies and greed

-Nice flow to that stanza.

Bridge:
When has it happened
Who is to blame
The change shattered
With all my life and broke my game

Chorus:
I don´t wanna be
I don´t wanna be an adult since now - an adult anymore
I don´t wanna see
I don´t wanna see the world goes down - the world go down or the world sink down?

Indifference and selfishness
I had to fight
Obey work pay die is life with
We all satisfied
-The last 2 lines are a little unclear. Could you explain them a little more?

Bridge:
When has it happened
Who is to blame
The change shattered
With all my life and broke my game

Chorus:
I don´t wanna lose
I don´t wanna lose sweet innocence
I don´t wanna feel
I don´t wanna feel blood of childhood on my hands


I hope that helps out a little bit.

__________________

I want to say what I said in lines but maybe with another words or synonyms.

I leave this as it is ´cause of a melody flow.



This verse means when you´re young you learn everyday something new and get everyday a new knowledge. Then you learned everything and nothing new is waiting for you, nothing knowledge to get, so it means all "unknowledges" are gone (were burnt).

Maybe there should be "all unknown is burnt"



Yeah. Exactly. I will edit it.



"an adult anymore" doesn´t fit to melody.
"The world go down" is ok.



It means "Obey!" "Work!" "Pay!" "Die!" are commands we are given in our lives nothing more like fun or "do what you like" and we are even satisfy with this life.


Thank you for your great advices that lead me to my improvement

Blow!

When I saw you by a bar
Fire caught me tight
Face like angel of midnight star
My C. started to rise

I decided you must be mine
Tonight or never
Now I´m looking to your eyes
And feel your shiver

Bridge:
Face to face
To see your grace
Skin on skin
Let the love begin

Chorus:
Do it do it do it tonight
You are the girl of my life
Do it do it do it to me
You are the girl of my dream

Babe I hope you understand
Want no love just sex
If you have got the same plan
Just spread your long legs

Bridge:
Face to face
To see your grace
Skin on skin
Let the love begin

Chorus:
Do it do it do it tonight
You are the girl of my life
Do it do it do it to me
You are the girl of my dream

What is "either" in reference to in the third line of the stanza? Are you meaning the "you" as well as the person doing the talking? I hope that's not too confusing.

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Okay. For the line with "unknowledges" would this work? -
Time after time all unknowns
Were burnt

I thought the line "Obey work pay die" was how you described it. If you want those to be more forceful I'd punctuate it with the exclamations right in the piece.

Indifference and selfishness
I had to fight
Obey! work! pay! die! -is all life is (or - is all life)
All are satisfied - I reworded this for clarity, but tried to keep the same rhythm going.

I'm glad to help out. When you're writing from a translation or directly in another language sometimes the wording can be awkward for those that speak that language so I'm trying to help you bridge the two.

__________________

The second stanza, second stanza -

To (be) drowning in sadness?

or

Is it so usual
Drowning in sadness?

If you use the second one it doesn't mess up the rhythm by adding the extra word.

The only other place I can see is -
Questions – another whys

Questions - more whys
Questions – constant whys
Questions – always whys

That can be fiddled with to fit and still get your meaning across.

Other than that it's a self reflective piece that seems to be working over life's hurdles that one can either sink into or eventually rise above. Nice job.

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Okay, you've got a conflict of idea here because in the bridge you have "Let the love begin" and then you say "Want no love just sex." If you can find a way to replace the first "love" the conflict will be gone.

Let the magic begin
Let the moment begin
Let impulse begin

Or you could change that line entirely. That's always an option.

Oh, one other thing. Right at the beginning is she standing inside at a bar or outside the bar like on the sidewalk? "A bar" makes it sound like she's outside. If you mean inside, change "a bar" to "the bar" and it will make that clearer.

And the line "My C. started to rise." I'm sure I know what that's supposed to say, but if you want the piece a little more user friendly you can substitute

My want started to rise
My blood started to rise

I think you get the idea.

__________________

To me, the "change of tone" reads like a workably-horrible, anticlimactic twist. Made me . Whether the twist was intended or not is another matter.

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