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  #281  
Old 2010-11-02, 09:23
L,B'XXX's Avatar
L,B'XXX L,B'XXX is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Paddy
I spent the whole night not answering the door. It was great. I'd hear the doorbell chime and I'd just sit there, not answering it. I could clearly see the silhouettes of witches' hats through the shades on my kitchen window and I could hear the impatient excitement of small children as they huddled around my porch, and I subsequently heard the excitement dampen and saw the witches hats get smaller and smaller as they walked away after a prolonged period of me not answering the door. I think I would say that it was the best night of not doing anything I've ever had since that time I didn't have sex with the girlfriend I never asked out.

Keeping a diary when this is how one spends his nights is a real challenge, but the beauty of it is that if your primary hobby in life is not doing anything you can use that to not write the best diary entry that's ever existed which I can then spend several hours a day not reading. When it comes time to write my autobiography I could either fill an infinite number of volumes detailing the many things I spent a particular day not doing or I could just spend the rest of my life not writing about it at all ensuring that it's the best autobiography ever not written, which is both a more economical option and one which I'm sure that you, my friends, would prefer.

I know what you're thinking: "why didn't you just not write this post?" Well, fuck you and your gay dads, that's why.


I lol-ed so hard at that I had a coughing fit! Thanks for the lung shaker. That was awesome!!!
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-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!
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  #282  
Old 2010-11-02, 14:37
Paddy Paddy is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by L,B'XXX
I [...] so hard [...] that I had a coughing fit! Thanks for the [...] shaker. That was awesome!!!
Baby, you're more than welcome.
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  #283  
Old 2010-11-02, 14:50
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JoeYngVai JoeYngVai is offline
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hahaha, I got two good reads from Paddy in under a minute and a half. Thank you, my Irish Lover.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PST 88
The bottom of that 'Don't Click' picture is one of the funniest things I've seen in a while. 'No, I really DO have a vagina! It's right here!'


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R.I.P Paddy. My dear and loving father will never be forgotten.
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  #284  
Old 2010-11-02, 15:06
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JoeYngVai
hahaha, I got two good reads from Paddy in under a minute and a half. Thank you, my Irish Lover.

He may be your lover, but I sig'ed him first!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Paddy
Please excuse me for I currently have a terminal erection, and the only cure is midget-cunny.
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  #285  
Old 2010-11-02, 16:38
Paddy Paddy is offline
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Fellas, fellas! I have a mouth and an anus! You can switch at half-time, preferably high-fiving each other as you do so.

Let's discuss penises for a moment:

1. I have a theory (which is true for me) that your erect penis will be the same length as your hand, measuring from the point at which the palm becomes the wrist all the way up to the tip of the middle finger. Please, try this the next time you get stiff and report back to me.

2. Is it normal for your cock to weep an extra teaspoonful or so of cum-lube about 10 - 15 minutes after the primary wad has been shot? Or have I got a leaky tap?

3. I have another theory that right-handed people's cocks will generally lean to the left, whilst left-handed people's cocks will hang to the right. According to my theory, the hand you use to jerk off will affect the leaning of the beef-pod because of the constant hammering and tenderising of said love-pod from a fixed angle.

I need raw data for my scientific paper, which I'm hoping will be peer reviewed by Reader's Wives magazine, so please respond with as much detail as possible. Photographic evidence will only strengthen my case further. It's all in the interest of science and maths and stuff so there's no need to feel embarrassed.
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  #286  
Old 2010-11-02, 16:50
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Dyldo Dyldo is offline
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1.) Can't test while at work, but from looking at it I'd say it looks about right. The width definitely does.

2.) When I use lube, I find that there's usually a glob or two that seeps out after around 10 minutes of the one-handed shuffle.

3.) I'm right handed and mine definitely leans to the left.

So I heard about some girl in Spain that recently gave birth at the age of 10 and was pretty surprised. Then I started wondering if she now holds the world record. I was wrong, but only off by about 5 years: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lina_Medina.

Christ.
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Last edited by Dyldo : 2010-11-02 at 17:23.
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  #287  
Old 2010-11-02, 17:53
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drawn&quartered drawn&quartered is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Paddy
Fellas, fellas! I have a mouth and an anus! You can switch at half-time, preferably high-fiving each other as you do so.

Let's discuss penises for a moment:

1. I have a theory (which is true for me) that your erect penis will be the same length as your hand, measuring from the point at which the palm becomes the wrist all the way up to the tip of the middle finger. Please, try this the next time you get stiff and report back to me.

2. Is it normal for your cock to weep an extra teaspoonful or so of cum-lube about 10 - 15 minutes after the primary wad has been shot? Or have I got a leaky tap?

3. I have another theory that right-handed people's cocks will generally lean to the left, whilst left-handed people's cocks will hang to the right. According to my theory, the hand you use to jerk off will affect the leaning of the beef-pod because of the constant hammering and tenderising of said love-pod from a fixed angle.

I need raw data for my scientific paper, which I'm hoping will be peer reviewed by Reader's Wives magazine, so please respond with as much detail as possible. Photographic evidence will only strengthen my case further. It's all in the interest of science and maths and stuff so there's no need to feel embarrassed.

1. true for me, I doubt for everyone
2. I have this too, it is really annoying
3.I am right handed and my cock does go to the left
4. I would post a pic but I think it would awkward for all of us.
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  #288  
Old 2010-11-02, 19:38
Paddy Paddy is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dyldo
So I heard about some girl in Spain that recently gave birth at the age of 10 and was pretty surprised. Then I started wondering if she now holds the world record. I was wrong, but only off by about 5 years: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lina_Medina.

Christ.
MILF!

How weird would it be to go to the same primary school as your daughter? Who's gonna help who with their homework? What would parents' evening be like? IT'S IMPRACTICAL! I wonder if she was to have an abortion would the doctor just say "fuck it" and behead her. "Shit, I've killed older".

Still, I take my hat off to the genetics-defying sex machine who did the deed. That wasn't rape, it was art.

Quote:
Originally Posted by drawn&quartered
I would post a pic but I think it would awkward for all of us.
Just because I want to see your cock for no real reason doesn't mean there's any gross or weird about it! I just wanna see your cock! That's all! Show me the cock! SHOW ME THE COCK!

Would have been better if it was "Show me the cunny!", but what can ya do?

Actually, I must remember that one for when I talk about vaginas being the same width as a mouth when it's saying "Weeeeeeeeeeee!".

Last edited by Paddy : 2010-11-03 at 07:48. Reason: Forgot to be awesome.
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  #289  
Old 2010-11-03, 09:10
L,B'XXX's Avatar
L,B'XXX L,B'XXX is offline
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Thanks for doing it again this morning, Paddy. heehee

I think I read in an unofficial cruise book that inadvertently got left at my apartment when the ship was out that the reason a man's tinkletime veers left or right is because he's done it with an oriental person.

Reading that book was much like reading here only with poetry about specific peop- wait, we have that. Okay, with pride of country- whoops! Got that, too. Hmm, maybe that it was written on water is the only difference. Oh, and written solely by guys - that are mostly straight and sober at the time- mostly.
__________________
My eldest son's bipolar website: www.bipolarmanifesto.com

-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!
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  #290  
Old 2010-11-03, 10:03
Paddy Paddy is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by L,B'XXX
Hmm, maybe that it was written on water is the only difference.
I generally make most of my posts whilst sitting in a puddle of my own rust water; does that count?

Oriental pussy is legendary. A friend of mine was not only convinced of the following factoid, but actually claimed to have experienced it first hand. Well, first penis. It is this: oriental pussy sucks you in. They're genetically different to any other pussy, and are formed in such a way that a vacuum is created during rumpy-pumpy which makes it feel like there's a midget living inside the woman's fanny, surreptitiously giving you an aggressive blowjob. When they say "me love you long time" few people realise that this simply means you'll be unlikely to escape in a timely fashion unless you have access to a shoehorn.

Irish pussy, inversely, spits you out and even makes that "ptooey" sound like when someone has to give you the Heimlich manoeuvre when a cocktail sausage goes down the wrong way. It's like trying to fuck a network of bungee cords. This is why most Irishmen prefer the quivering pink anuses of pale young boys. It's not about being a paedophile or even a sex offender, it's about...actually, no, it is about that. Fuck me I loves me some pale young boy anus.
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  #291  
Old 2010-11-03, 10:48
Gomli's Avatar
Gomli Gomli is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Paddy

1. I have a theory (which is true for me) that your erect penis will be the same length as your hand, measuring from the point at which the palm becomes the wrist all the way up to the tip of the middle finger. Please, try this the next time you get stiff and report back to me.

2. Is it normal for your cock to weep an extra teaspoonful or so of cum-lube about 10 - 15 minutes after the primary wad has been shot? Or have I got a leaky tap?

3. I have another theory that right-handed people's cocks will generally lean to the left, whilst left-handed people's cocks will hang to the right. According to my theory, the hand you use to jerk off will affect the leaning of the beef-pod because of the constant hammering and tenderising of said love-pod from a fixed angle.


1. Yeah only a little longer. I just won`t ask how you came up with that theory.
2. Yeah that`s pretty normal. The underwear shot!
3. And again yeah that`s true. I think it`s because we wank hardest in the age where our penis is still growing (speaking of the age from 12-16) so the flesh is getting harder on the right side and is overpowering(?) the left side so it`s starting to make a slight turn to the left!

And pics only via pm
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C'est le chant des vieux arbres entonné pour toi,
Pour ces bois obscurs maintenant endormis.


R.I.P moe
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  #292  
Old 2010-11-03, 17:32
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L,B'XXX L,B'XXX is offline
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I saw this on fb. Which one of you yoyo's did it?

"my dyslexic mate smeared boot polish on his willy at 2am on sunday morning, he thought he had to turn his c*ck black"
__________________
My eldest son's bipolar website: www.bipolarmanifesto.com

-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!
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  #293  
Old 2010-11-07, 21:57
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drawn&quartered drawn&quartered is offline
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well this place is very dead
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  #294  
Old 2010-11-08, 04:20
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Dyldo Dyldo is offline
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This place goes through lulls, especially during the holiday season when we can all afford booze. Or can't. I can't. Someone send me money?
__________________
Check my band out:
facebook.com/deadheadroses
deadheadroses.bandcamp.com
deadheadrosesmusic.com
i'm so ronrey

Last edited by Dyldo : 2010-11-08 at 04:30.
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  #295  
Old 2010-11-08, 09:20
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drawn&quartered drawn&quartered is offline
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its not even even the holidays yet, just hell week. and go ferment some jenkem you poor fuck.
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  #296  
Old 2010-11-08, 10:12
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Gomli Gomli is offline
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I have money now. I just sold a freakin Manowar shirt on eBay for $60. Go me
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C'est le chant des vieux arbres entonné pour toi,
Pour ces bois obscurs maintenant endormis.


R.I.P moe
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  #297  
Old 2010-11-08, 11:36
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L,B'XXX L,B'XXX is offline
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Well, then you're buying lunch for the rest of us.
__________________
My eldest son's bipolar website: www.bipolarmanifesto.com

-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!
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  #298  
Old 2010-11-08, 16:07
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Dyldo Dyldo is offline
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Holy shit. I don't know what's more impressive - that you made $60 off a shirt or that you actually owned a Manowar shirt.
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Check my band out:
facebook.com/deadheadroses
deadheadroses.bandcamp.com
deadheadrosesmusic.com
i'm so ronrey
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  #299  
Old 2010-11-09, 00:13
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The Execrator The Execrator is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dyldo
This place goes through lulls, especially during the holiday season when we can all afford booze. Or can't. I can't. Someone send me money?

I'll save you a step and just send Duvel
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Paddy
Please excuse me for I currently have a terminal erection, and the only cure is midget-cunny.
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  #300  
Old 2010-11-09, 08:34
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Gomli Gomli is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dyldo
Holy shit. I don't know what's more impressive - that you made $60 off a shirt or that you actually owned a Manowar shirt.


The old times man. Was almost one of my first shirts ever, when I still thought they were the kings of metal. Age brings wisdom
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C'est le chant des vieux arbres entonné pour toi,
Pour ces bois obscurs maintenant endormis.


R.I.P moe
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