MetalTabs.com - your source for Metal tabs
Home Forum What's New Submit a Tab FAQ Links Contact Us Link to Us


Go Back   MetalTabs.com Forum > MetalTabs.com > Chit Chat
User Name
Password


 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Rate Thread
  #21  
Old 2010-04-11, 00:50
CompelledToLacerate's Avatar
CompelledToLacerate CompelledToLacerate is offline
FFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: St. Louis
Posts: 3,003
Tonight, some stupid kids, couldn't be older than 11, went through my check lane and bought a bunch of condoms. I was too tired to show my surprise, but seriously, wtf? I wanted to say "What the hell are you gonna use these for? An interracial gang bang during gymboree?" They were all, "Yeah, we're gonna get girls tonight." I just know their parents are gonna come by the store and yell at me, despite the fact it's not illegal to by condoms at any age. AND knowing my bosses, they'll appease the distressed moms with horny kids by writing me up.
__________________
DETH TOLL!!!

Keep checking for new crap.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Amadeus
It's really sad, all those people who don't understand why we shouldn't act like our enemies. The real victory is not only killing and imprisoning the terrorists, but also letting civilized manners override the lust for revenge, once the battle is over.
Reply With Quote
  #22  
Old 2010-04-11, 09:16
L,B'XXX's Avatar
L,B'XXX L,B'XXX is offline
dsnt trust ne1 < 30
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Home is where the <3 is
Posts: 8,868
Send a message via ICQ to L,B'XXX Send a message via AIM to L,B'XXX Send a message via Yahoo to L,B'XXX
There were some boys in the grocery store a few years ago and I walked down the aisle while they were looking at the condoms. All but one kid left and he looked over at me and I just started snickering. He took off to go with his friends. I probably traumatized him, but I still am amused by it.

You're in sales. It wasn't illegal. Don't worry too much about it.
__________________
My eldest son's bipolar website: www.bipolarmanifesto.com

-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!
Reply With Quote
  #23  
Old 2010-04-11, 10:35
PST 88 PST 88 is offline
Forum Daemon
Forum Leader
 
Join Date: Aug 2001
Posts: 4,980
You legally can't not sell it to them, so worried mothers can get fucked.

I just want to note that it's actually twice as gay if you beat them up after.
Reply With Quote
  #24  
Old 2010-04-11, 20:58
Dyldo's Avatar
Dyldo Dyldo is offline
Throbbing Member
Forum Leader
 
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Californeeway
Posts: 7,907
Send a message via AIM to Dyldo Send a message via MSN to Dyldo
Boy, this place just got a little lighter.

Its twice as gay? As that why you broke my nose afterwards?
__________________
Check my band out:
facebook.com/deadheadroses
deadheadroses.bandcamp.com
deadheadrosesmusic.com
i'm so ronrey
Reply With Quote
  #25  
Old 2010-04-11, 21:00
Paddy Paddy is offline
Forum Daemon
Forum Leader
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 3,745
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dyldo
As that why you broke my nose afterwards?
He just didn't want you to smell his shit-caked cock. It was a courtesy nose-breaking, and it was the least he could do under the circumstances.
Reply With Quote
  #26  
Old 2010-04-12, 04:18
Def's Avatar
Def Def is offline
Master Killer
Alumni Staff
 
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Utrecht, The Netherlands
Posts: 11,372
Quote:
Originally Posted by 7-string warlord
Metaltabs is cast in a pretty shitty fog right now.....but, you guys can check out my bands new song!!!

I will admit a few years ago this thing would have never flown on metaltabs, but it seems people are a little less elitist here.

Check out send more cops

http://www.myspace.com/persecutiontheband


Cool artwork, heavy music. I like it!
Reply With Quote
  #27  
Old 2010-04-12, 04:25
7-string warlord's Avatar
7-string warlord 7-string warlord is offline
Post-whore
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Emory, Texas
Posts: 1,280
Thanks def! It could just be me not getting on here much, but I don't think I've seen you around in quite a while!
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by Paddy
Man oh man I'm in the mood for some meat right about now, so much so that I don't even care how implicitly gay this sentence is.

Reply With Quote
  #28  
Old 2010-04-12, 04:28
Def's Avatar
Def Def is offline
Master Killer
Alumni Staff
 
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Utrecht, The Netherlands
Posts: 11,372
Quote:
Originally Posted by 7-string warlord
Thanks def! It could just be me not getting on here much, but I don't think I've seen you around in quite a while!


I'm around every now and then, like a stray cat on vodka.
Reply With Quote
  #29  
Old 2010-04-12, 08:07
Gomli's Avatar
Gomli Gomli is offline
ComeOutYeBlackAndTans!
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Ger., North
Posts: 2,593
Hahaha have you heard that some dudes are about to force the state GB to arrest the pope on his next visit due to the childabusing scandal?
__________________
C'est le chant des vieux arbres entonné pour toi,
Pour ces bois obscurs maintenant endormis.


R.I.P moe
Reply With Quote
  #30  
Old 2010-04-12, 09:06
SuspendedByTheThroat's Avatar
SuspendedByTheThroat SuspendedByTheThroat is offline
Senior Metalhead
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: FL
Posts: 304
Send a message via AIM to SuspendedByTheThroat
WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU WASTE YOUR MONEY ON CONDOMS!?
Reply With Quote
  #31  
Old 2010-04-12, 11:41
drawn&quartered's Avatar
drawn&quartered drawn&quartered is offline
Too _____, wouldn't fuck
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 2,537
Quote:
Originally Posted by SuspendedByTheThroat
WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU WASTE YOUR MONEY ON CONDOMS!?

maybe cause not all of us want to have 13 little trailer rats running around.

and @ CTL: I bet they were just buying them for a practical joke or something. I doubt any 11 year old is having sex, yet alone thinking about it. No need for us 20 year old+ virgins to feel bad that a kid is getting more game
__________________
I dont have any funny quotes

NEGROGENESIS


Reply With Quote
  #32  
Old 2010-04-12, 12:27
Paddy Paddy is offline
Forum Daemon
Forum Leader
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 3,745
Quote:
Originally Posted by drawn&quartered
No need for us 20 year old+ virgins to feel bad that a kid is getting more game
Amen to that. I don't even think 11-year-old kids have the requisite haemoglobin to circumvent the need to "thumb one in", as it were. At least, none of the 11-year-olds I know has ever gotten an erection, even when I've shown them my freshly shorn trouser-cabbage.
Reply With Quote
  #33  
Old 2010-04-12, 14:17
Chris Rezendes's Avatar
Chris Rezendes Chris Rezendes is offline
Attorney at Bird Law
Forum Leader
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Alone here, with emptiness, eagles, and snow...
Posts: 3,565
Send a message via AIM to Chris Rezendes
Best thread title in years.
__________________
Trust in god, he'll give you shoes!
Reply With Quote
  #34  
Old 2010-04-12, 16:23
TruthDevoid's Avatar
TruthDevoid TruthDevoid is offline
Drugged Unholy
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Philadelphia Area
Posts: 2,458
hey, you guys don't need to hate on some 11 year olds because they get more snatch than you do
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by MetalThrashingMad
I don't know about you, but I deadlift because I strive to be the first human tree stump pulling machine


Quote:
Originally Posted by viewer_from_nihil
the song serial cocksucker changed my life


Quote:
Originally Posted by BassBehemoth
Are you going to snort cheap pharmaceutical drugs with your lizard as well?
Reply With Quote
  #35  
Old 2010-04-12, 19:22
JoeYngVai's Avatar
JoeYngVai JoeYngVai is offline
Vaginal Warts
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: I live in a giant bucket.
Posts: 2,289
Send a message via AIM to JoeYngVai
They're gonna use them all up just trying to get them on...
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by PST 88
The bottom of that 'Don't Click' picture is one of the funniest things I've seen in a while. 'No, I really DO have a vagina! It's right here!'


Blackwater (Friend's Metal Band)
MY WEBSITE!


R.I.P Paddy. My dear and loving father will never be forgotten.
Reply With Quote
  #36  
Old 2010-04-13, 00:46
Dyldo's Avatar
Dyldo Dyldo is offline
Throbbing Member
Forum Leader
 
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Californeeway
Posts: 7,907
Send a message via AIM to Dyldo Send a message via MSN to Dyldo
Quote:
Originally Posted by JoeYngVai
They're gonna use them all up just trying to get them on...


It took me around a dozen to figure out that they don't cover your balls, too.
__________________
Check my band out:
facebook.com/deadheadroses
deadheadroses.bandcamp.com
deadheadrosesmusic.com
i'm so ronrey
Reply With Quote
  #37  
Old 2010-04-13, 00:51
JoeYngVai's Avatar
JoeYngVai JoeYngVai is offline
Vaginal Warts
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: I live in a giant bucket.
Posts: 2,289
Send a message via AIM to JoeYngVai
hahahaha it only took me 10, amateur!
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by PST 88
The bottom of that 'Don't Click' picture is one of the funniest things I've seen in a while. 'No, I really DO have a vagina! It's right here!'


Blackwater (Friend's Metal Band)
MY WEBSITE!


R.I.P Paddy. My dear and loving father will never be forgotten.
Reply With Quote
  #38  
Old 2010-04-13, 06:41
Amadeus's Avatar
Amadeus Amadeus is offline
Quantum.
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 2,143
We get sex ed and video taped instructions showing the procedure with a dildo. After all these years, I'm still not sure we're better off than you trial-and-error-guys.
__________________
Listening to Cannibal Corpse and cutting trees with a chainsaw, now that's metal

"He preferred the hard truth over his dearest illusion. That, is the heart of science."
- Carl Sagan

"Imagination is more important than intelligence" - Einstein
Reply With Quote
  #39  
Old 2010-04-13, 14:20
Chris Rezendes's Avatar
Chris Rezendes Chris Rezendes is offline
Attorney at Bird Law
Forum Leader
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Alone here, with emptiness, eagles, and snow...
Posts: 3,565
Send a message via AIM to Chris Rezendes
I was very surprised to learn that they don't show kids everywhere how to do this. They taught us everything in the 5th grade, again in the 7th, then again in the 8th and even more in depth in high school. It was called "health class" and it was great. They showed us how to put on condoms using a banana when I was 14. It worked. Well, I actually forgot to pinch the tip, but luckily the woman didn't.

I made a joke the other day about testicles looking like eggs rather than balls and, apparently, my 13 year old cousin didn't know that. Now, sure, I'm glad she hadn't already found out first hand, but there shouldn't be a 13 year old in the country that doesn't already know what balls look like.

We learned in school what a vagina looked like when I was 10. Sure, the best magazine I had read at that point showed me when I was 8, but not every kid has that benefit.
__________________
Trust in god, he'll give you shoes!
Reply With Quote
  #40  
Old 2010-04-13, 14:39
Paddy Paddy is offline
Forum Daemon
Forum Leader
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 3,745
I honestly can't remember being taught how to slip on a condom, and I'm almost certain that the only images we saw of cocks and pussies in class were colour drawings in biology books. My dad gave my younger brother and I a (wait for it) proper talk one day, although by that stage my older brother's extensive video collection had already answered many of my questions, and indeed inspired many more which still haunt me to his day.

We had one sex education class when I was in my second or third year of high school, I was about 13-years-old at the time. It lasted about an hour, and consisted of video showing a bearded 1970s man and his fat wife telling us about love and involuntary erections, drawing the need-to-see stuff on a big page in felt-tip pen. After that the teacher fielded questions, most of which were about wanking. It was fucking hilarious, but I'm not sure how much I learnt from it, except that two or three of my classmates were likely to become career sex offenders in later life.

I was a little concerned about the egginess of my nuts for a while, because no one had explained to me that they weren't supposed to be perfectly spherical. This is the kind of misunderstanding which comes about if your only source of anatomical information is the crude cock-and-ball drawings on your friend's history book.

Luckily I've never had to put my mangled knowledge of lovemaking to practical use, but I imagine it'll be a fucking laugh riot when I do.
Reply With Quote


Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 05:47.


========

Contact Us | Privacy Policy | Disclaimer
Copyright © 2001-2009 MetalTabs.com. All Rights Reserved.
Powered by vBulletin
Copyright ©2000 - 2009, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.