MetalTabs.com - your source for Metal tabs
Home Forum What's New Submit a Tab FAQ Links Contact Us Link to Us


Go Back   MetalTabs.com Forum > Metal > Poetry Lyrical
User Name
Password


Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Rate Thread
  #1  
Old 2003-02-24, 13:20
The Doctor's Avatar
The Doctor The Doctor is offline
Denimwearinghillbilly
Forum Leader
 
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Bladel, Holland
Posts: 6,806
Send a message via Yahoo to The Doctor
my debut

this is my first one, so don't be picky.

Thunder rolls

the mighty maya people,
gathered as one,
each looked at by the priest,
who shall call out a name and he will become,
the sacrifice of the day,
the name has been callen and

thunder rolls

the man climbs upwards to the priest,
who lays him on his back and

thunder rolls

the man who is layed on is back,
sees the knife in the priests neck,
he cries out a poem,
about the almighty maya gods,
all of a sudden the knife goes down,
blood flows and

thunder rolls


That's my debut, i know it doesn't rimes a lot, i really suck at riming.
I would appriciate tips,
thnx
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 2003-02-24, 14:26
Def's Avatar
Def Def is offline
Master Killer
Alumni Staff
 
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Utrecht, The Netherlands
Posts: 11,372
Ehm, I don't like it, it's the use of words and the subject.

the whole maya thing sounds kind of gay, but hey, that's only my opinion, some people might like it.

try to use more difficult words, or try to make them more brutal without more difficult words. I know it's hard, I'm dutch too, and the straight translation doesn't make sense, I use a dictionairy most of the time.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 2003-02-24, 16:38
powersofterror's Avatar
powersofterror powersofterror is offline
I am a tax on the world..
Forum Leader
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: pizza with a shit on it!
Posts: 7,994
Re: my debut

Quote:
Originally posted by The Doctor
riming.


rhyming
__________________
Man, I get real sweaty after I wack my dong. Yeah, cause I headbang while I do, and I can't really "Jump" (haha ) like VanHalen in a dorm room, so I just walk back and forth....haha a couple days ago I was jumping up and down on my bed, with my pants down and my roommate came in when I wasn't looking, hahaha.


This is my band's page
http://www.myspace.com/ferocitydentontx
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 2003-02-24, 19:52
L,B'XXX's Avatar
L,B'XXX L,B'XXX is offline
dsnt trust ne1 < 30
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Home is where the <3 is
Posts: 8,866
Send a message via ICQ to L,B'XXX Send a message via AIM to L,B'XXX Send a message via Yahoo to L,B'XXX
Hi ! Just a suggestion to brighten up your historical lyrics? Read or listen to Cortez the Killer by Neil Young. He does some excellent historically based pieces. This was okay, but I think if you take this as an outline and add some more indepth imagery it would make it more special.
Rhyming doesn't matter. Don't worry about it. I'd be interested to see this with the upgrade.
Hope that helps a little.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 2003-02-24, 21:02
walpurgis walpurgis is offline
Drunken Yeti God
Alumni Staff
 
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: BangHer, Washington
Posts: 2,819
Send a message via ICQ to walpurgis Send a message via AIM to walpurgis Send a message via MSN to walpurgis
Dude, you want historical lyrics, download Caesar's Palace and Inquisition (Burn With Me) by Morbid Angel. Hell, even if you don't, get those two songs, they're awesome.

Only problem I see with what you wrote is the fact that everytime I see "Thunder Rolls" I think of that fucking Garth Brooks song, and I hate that song.
__________________
Fuck Brad and everyone who looks like Brad. From the looks of this picture, I think he's jerking off too much. Keep him away from LouAnne.

I never fucked a 10, but one night I fucked five 2's.

Quote:
Originally Posted by BassBehemoth
You really have no dignity. I would rather have sex with my fifty year old father.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 2003-02-25, 11:37
The Doctor's Avatar
The Doctor The Doctor is offline
Denimwearinghillbilly
Forum Leader
 
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Bladel, Holland
Posts: 6,806
Send a message via Yahoo to The Doctor
thnx guys, i think i should stop writing lyrics but start to write music, i'm better at that
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 2003-02-25, 13:31
Def's Avatar
Def Def is offline
Master Killer
Alumni Staff
 
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Utrecht, The Netherlands
Posts: 11,372
hey man, it's not that bad! we're only giving you advice to improve, we all have to start somewhere, when I started my work was really crappy.

I'm happy I never posted that I'm older now and have a bigger english vocabulary, which helps me a LOT too.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 2003-03-03, 14:15
The Doctor's Avatar
The Doctor The Doctor is offline
Denimwearinghillbilly
Forum Leader
 
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Bladel, Holland
Posts: 6,806
Send a message via Yahoo to The Doctor
well, my very first one was about me being hungry and go the the butcher and mall and eating and stuff, ill post it sometime
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 2003-03-04, 05:20
Def's Avatar
Def Def is offline
Master Killer
Alumni Staff
 
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Utrecht, The Netherlands
Posts: 11,372
ehm, I think you'de better not

sounds like a really crappy subject, lol, just come up with new stuff, and post that instead.
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 2003-03-04, 11:55
The Doctor's Avatar
The Doctor The Doctor is offline
Denimwearinghillbilly
Forum Leader
 
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Bladel, Holland
Posts: 6,806
Send a message via Yahoo to The Doctor
here it is anyway (no inspiration for a new one yet), back then i wasn't interested in metal (3 years ago), its a blues song with basic chords, i'll typ em above so y'all can sing along!!!




A D
on just one day, i was hungry, mkay (southpark mkay style)
A D
on just one day, i was hungry, mkay



A D
So i went to the butchershop, and bought myself some porkchop,
A TACET
because i'm hungry and i want to eat, (eat some meat)



A D
on just one day, i was hungry, mkay (southpark mkay style)
A D
on just one day, i was hungry, mkay


A D
So i went to the mall, and bought food for all,
A TACET
because i'm hungry and i want to eat, (eat some meat)


Now stop laughing you bastards, a what the heck, it also makes me laugh now, but back then i was very proud
Reply With Quote
  #11  
Old 2003-03-04, 13:58
Def's Avatar
Def Def is offline
Master Killer
Alumni Staff
 
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Utrecht, The Netherlands
Posts: 11,372
haha, you retard!

you watched tooooo many southpark episodes!
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 2003-03-04, 14:11
The Doctor's Avatar
The Doctor The Doctor is offline
Denimwearinghillbilly
Forum Leader
 
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Bladel, Holland
Posts: 6,806
Send a message via Yahoo to The Doctor

gimme a break, i was fucking 12, the ludest music i ever heard was bon jovi
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 2003-03-06, 09:33
L,B'XXX's Avatar
L,B'XXX L,B'XXX is offline
dsnt trust ne1 < 30
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Home is where the <3 is
Posts: 8,866
Send a message via ICQ to L,B'XXX Send a message via AIM to L,B'XXX Send a message via Yahoo to L,B'XXX
heehee

And you admit it ?! HA! HA! HA! Bon Jovi .......(snickers) And I think I have almost every episode of South Park on tape. I love it. And I'm old. You should expand on your food piece. That could be really amusing, mkay? Maybe a food court ballad or something.
Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 07:29.


========

Contact Us | Privacy Policy | Disclaimer
Copyright © 2001-2009 MetalTabs.com. All Rights Reserved.
Powered by vBulletin
Copyright ©2000 - 2009, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.