MetalTabs.com - your source for Metal tabs
Home Forum What's New Submit a Tab FAQ Links Contact Us Link to Us


Go Back   MetalTabs.com Forum > Metal > Poetry Lyrical
User Name
Password


Reply
 
Thread Tools
  #1  
Old 2003-02-03, 17:01
Lostmusik Lostmusik is offline
New Blood
 
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: idaho
Posts: 17
How bad does this suck?

Courage you need be
this blood on your hands
all that befallen
another dying man
strenght you have not
watching you cower
to something more weak
your dying power

Drifting

Crowded minds are filtered
bleeding hearts are captured
corrosive minds will smite
easily over delicate minds

who do you serve under

watching the sun set
blindness settles in
abnegate my mind
loosing face in all eyes
loosing
nothing

well thats my lame contribution
__________________
My Balls Your Chin!
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 2003-02-03, 23:02
powersofterror's Avatar
powersofterror powersofterror is offline
I am a tax on the world..
Forum Leader
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: pizza with a shit on it!
Posts: 7,994
with a title like that, you expect negative comments, eh?
hehehe, well to me it seems all out of wack.i don't know if that means
anything, but that's the first thing that i thought of.
__________________
Man, I get real sweaty after I wack my dong. Yeah, cause I headbang while I do, and I can't really "Jump" (haha ) like VanHalen in a dorm room, so I just walk back and forth....haha a couple days ago I was jumping up and down on my bed, with my pants down and my roommate came in when I wasn't looking, hahaha.


This is my band's page
http://www.myspace.com/ferocitydentontx
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 2003-02-04, 02:18
Lostmusik Lostmusik is offline
New Blood
 
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: idaho
Posts: 17
hahah

yea im just trying to get a rise but yea that has meaning if you can catch it.
__________________
My Balls Your Chin!
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 2003-02-04, 02:22
Def's Avatar
Def Def is offline
Master Killer
Alumni Staff
 
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Utrecht, The Netherlands
Posts: 11,372
It's ok, it seems like it needs a bit more emotion and the rhyme taken out (cowar, power thingy)
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 2003-02-04, 04:03
Mornyano Mornyano is offline
New Blood
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Finland
Posts: 36
That sucks!!! I really donīt like, but my opinion is worth nothing so donīt mind a fuck I say!!! Make more retarded shit like that and you might get famous some day.

__________________
Lle n'vanima ar' lle atara lanneina
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 2003-02-21, 11:29
shattrdexistnce shattrdexistnce is offline
New Blood
 
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Indiana
Posts: 35
Quote:
That sucks!!! I really donīt like, but my opinion is worth nothing so donīt mind a fuck I say!!! Make more retarded shit like that and you might get famous some day.


Is this supposed to rhyme? It flows like a Dr Seuss. book or something.
__________________
one fish two fish red fish blue fish
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 2003-02-21, 17:41
powersofterror's Avatar
powersofterror powersofterror is offline
I am a tax on the world..
Forum Leader
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: pizza with a shit on it!
Posts: 7,994
if you say it fast, its sounds awesome.
__________________
Man, I get real sweaty after I wack my dong. Yeah, cause I headbang while I do, and I can't really "Jump" (haha ) like VanHalen in a dorm room, so I just walk back and forth....haha a couple days ago I was jumping up and down on my bed, with my pants down and my roommate came in when I wasn't looking, hahaha.


This is my band's page
http://www.myspace.com/ferocitydentontx
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 2003-02-23, 13:23
L,B'XXX's Avatar
L,B'XXX L,B'XXX is offline
dsnt trust ne1 < 30
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Home is where the <3 is
Posts: 8,878
Send a message via ICQ to L,B'XXX Send a message via AIM to L,B'XXX Send a message via Yahoo to L,B'XXX
Actually the first 4 lines is what I had trouble with. After that it wasn't too bad, but for some reason I can't find the flow to those lines. I'll probably come back later and go -duh! - I've done that before numerous times. And I don't think you actually intended those other lines to rhyme , did you? I'm not against rhyming at all. It just didn't seem like it was part of the plan.

My favorite part happens to be-
strenght you have not
watching you cower
to something more weak
your dying power
....flow and imagery nice

One thing about the usage of 'dictionary' sounding words. I'm 'old' so I've heard lots of lyrics and not many use more than regular vocabulary so the average person can understand it. Poetry is a bit different, but if there's too many I wouldn't give it a second glance. That's purely my opinion though. Bands like Floyd, Pantera, Beatles used regular vocabulary but the way they used the words is what brought the lyrics to life.
Is there an underlying message in this ? I thought it was pretty good.
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 2003-02-24, 01:11
ThroneofbahoS's Avatar
ThroneofbahoS ThroneofbahoS is offline
Senior Metalhead
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Finland
Posts: 434
Quote:
Originally posted by powersofterror
if you say it fast, its sounds awesome.


Lets write a whole song for Suicidal Tendencies about it!
Yeah, I had some touble reading it too... Dont know what it is but its...
__________________
Doom what thou wilt
Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 00:56.


========

Contact Us | Privacy Policy | Disclaimer
Copyright © 2001-2009 MetalTabs.com. All Rights Reserved.
Powered by vBulletin
Copyright ©2000 - 2009, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.