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Old 2003-02-16, 04:43
L,B'XXX's Avatar
L,B'XXX L,B'XXX is offline
dsnt trust ne1 < 30
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"Colder Inside" -thx for reading

Just another little verse I came up with. Thanks for the read and comments.

"Colder Inside"

It's colder inside your heart.
I should have been aware-
That all those pretty promises you made
Were just to slip a snare around me.

You never have had any feeling.
When you said your love was mine,
It just started a chain of my destruction.
That's what you wanted.

I woke up one day thinking
You could do no wrong,
But soon you showed your truest colors.
Now your kiss tastes sour.

I've taken the first step beginning a journey
That will take me far away from you
And your bite will not bruise me anymore.
I'm better than that.
And I'm better than you.
So find another fool.

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Old 2003-02-18, 17:55
powersofterror's Avatar
powersofterror powersofterror is offline
I am a tax on the world..
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Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: pizza with a shit on it!
Posts: 7,994 could be better, i see what your getting across, but
i didn't get the feel of it. third paragragh is best though,
the others are kinda "sour" hehehe.
overall, this would make a better poem than a song.
Man, I get real sweaty after I wack my dong. Yeah, cause I headbang while I do, and I can't really "Jump" (haha ) like VanHalen in a dorm room, so I just walk back and forth....haha a couple days ago I was jumping up and down on my bed, with my pants down and my roommate came in when I wasn't looking, hahaha.

This is my band's page
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Old 2003-02-20, 12:03
abadona abadona is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: Vilnius, Lithuania
Posts: 41
true, could be better, but it's not badly written, it's just that the situation is slightly banal - oh, you all bad lovers, you hurt me deep, bla-bla-bla... i'm not hurting your feelings, i just thought - if you would 'hide' the situation, so that it is less obvious what this piece is about, it would improve a lot.
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