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  #1  
Old 2003-01-31, 16:11
Vepres Vepres is offline
New Blood
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Galati, Romania
Posts: 11
Forbidden Skies

These are the lyrics from my last song (DM).
The fact is that after playing this crap 1st time live at the third chorus the people were already singing the lyrics with me (and I do some low growls). Maybe because of the chorus' 1st line that sounds more like a pop cliche.
Please post some comments about this SHIT! It will help me a lot!


Forbidden Skies


I know what you feel inside
I feel the same way too,
I know where you go when you hide.
I know the pain and sorrow cries
At night I'm crying too,
Forever darkness in your eyes.


Chorus:
When you need me I'll be there
To wash away your pain
When you call me by your grave
I shed a tear
When you'll call me I will rise
Under forbidden skies
When you turn away I'll come
To bring the silence.


And feelings that past before
The acheing memories,
Your image in a burning star.
Nights when I was in your dreams
An everflowing stream
Keeping alive your unmasked side.

[solo 1]

The moonlit sky, calling you
In the rageous waves aside
The silver sand has lied.
You couldn't run away from your death
So I stayed by your side
And joined you in your endless ride.
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  #2  
Old 2003-02-01, 14:15
xDarkestHourx xDarkestHourx is offline
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I hate it, and that's not knocking you, I just well....hate it. No offense

Cheers,
xx
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  #3  
Old 2003-02-04, 04:07
Mornyano Mornyano is offline
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Too much crying and tears!!! Lose them!!! Other than those it was good in very lame way.

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  #4  
Old 2003-02-06, 19:35
Vepres Vepres is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Galati, Romania
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In Darkness Reborn

OK 10x o lot for your opinions! I won't write that kind of soap opera shit ever! Danke!
Here's another one. Waiting for your commets!


In Darkness Reborn

It's like the pain in you
Has wandered sa far away
From cold winter nights
Following a dead dream.

I was sentenced to die
Crowned on a throne a fire
That was my last wish
To ride along with my past

War in my head. War is all I see.
Leading the forces of Darkness
Cover the white battle fields
With blood and gore.

Chorus:
-
I thought I could hear it loud
The Wolf's howl announcing Death
Sredding my mind. I was now
Riding through the Endless.

As lying in white,
The sky fell down,
My past has died,
As Darkness was reborn.
-

We're riding splitting the ice
Carried by our dreams of the End
Our glory shall unite us
We're faster than Death.

Like an arrow we make our way
Whatever stands in front
Shall become wrath to our gods
And burried deep in pain.

Unleashing my demons' lust
I was finaly free of it all
I couldn't feel nor pleasure or pain
Regaining my crown.
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  #5  
Old 2003-02-11, 05:52
Mornyano Mornyano is offline
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Thats better. I really like.
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  #6  
Old 2003-02-12, 10:53
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L,B'XXX L,B'XXX is offline
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Just a suggestion, but if you post the other lyric separately you'll get more hits because it'll be visible as a new post. You could still do that. I will get back to reread these soon as I can. I don't have the time right now to comment, but I will. And from a scan, I think I liked the 2nd one the best just for a rough commentary.
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  #7  
Old 2003-02-13, 06:57
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L,B'XXX L,B'XXX is offline
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I'm back now.
1st one- I dunno. When I read the first one the other day I couldn't get into it at all, but today is a new day and it's hitting me different now. Unless it's just growing on me. I thought the flow was good. I like the way you've used some subtle imagery in speaking and using 1st person makes it more attractive , too. Not bad.


2nd one- "With blood and gore." - I thought adding 'and gore' to this line made it sound a bit juvenile. I think just leaving it at 'with blood' might be all you need there to give a massacred feeling since you mentioned battlefield already, but if you have music to it leave it alone. It's not that big of a deal.


We're riding splitting the ice
Carried by our dreams of the End
Our glory shall unite us
We're faster than Death.

Like an arrow we make our way
Whatever stands in front
Shall become wrath to our gods
And burried deep in pain.

Unleashing my demons' lust
I was finaly free of it all
I couldn't feel nor pleasure or pain
Regaining my crown.

I liked that whole part. All in all, not bad. Don't know if I was of any help , but at least you have another opinion. Now write some more !
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  #8  
Old 2003-02-13, 15:01
Gigantic Penis Gigantic Penis is offline
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I thought the first one was okay. Not really good for a DM song though. Maybe a song like Nightwish or H.I.M.
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  #9  
Old 2003-02-17, 18:41
Vepres Vepres is offline
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OK here's another one:


Perpetual Morrow

In my dreams a whore is dancing
And I can't look up the light and beauty

Because I hate!!
And the night's powers
I inherited.
In perpetual morrow
I reign.

Breathing through the fire,
Dark ages rise.
Supreme knowledge
And the purest mind
Unburried from
The twilight.

I dream you dead!

I haven't lost perception as I died
A fragile dream
So warm inside
In blackened sorrow
Died!

I dream you dead!

Wandering through endless darkness and pain
I'm falling into the void, neverending chaos.
A black dove it's crying, showing me the way
I am here forever, never to return again.

I dream you dead!

I dream you dead!
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  #10  
Old 2003-02-17, 18:46
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powersofterror powersofterror is offline
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"I dream you dead!"?
what the hell does that mean?!
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