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  #1  
Old 2008-09-01, 07:18
JacobDatz JacobDatz is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2008
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opinions on my lyrics

Verse 1 - Scream
In a country far from here, fighting over oil
Whose pockets do we line, who do we spoil
Its our own mistakes, why canít we face it
We cover our eyes, are blinded by lies

Break 1 - spoken
For freedom of country and people

Chorus - sung
Conflagration, domination, contributes to my intoxication
I canít hide it, We canít fight it
But I will survive this

Verse 2 - scream
Weíll set off nuclear bombs, to rid the world of the hated
Isnít this wrong but noone will say it
The killer of a killer, does that make him better
who has the right to say who lives and who dies

Break 2 - spoken
We did what we had to do

Chorus - sung
Conflagration, domination, contributes to my intoxication
I canít hide it, We canít fight it
But I will survive this
(we will survive this)

- SOLO-

Chorus - sung
Conflagration, domination, contributes to my intoxication
I canít hide it, We canít fight it
But I will survive this
(we will survive this)

Break 3 - spoken - acoustic guitar/clean riffs
We are sorry maím
you son has been killed in war
he was a great man




its my first attempt so i know its not great
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  #2  
Old 2008-09-01, 10:42
hail killizm's Avatar
hail killizm hail killizm is offline
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dude try to make it more complex.. and Is this a metal lyrics??
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  #3  
Old 2008-09-01, 11:08
Nemesis9 Nemesis9 is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Vienna
Posts: 92
sounds like metalcore actually...or some megadeath stuff
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  #4  
Old 2008-09-02, 16:48
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7-string warlord 7-string warlord is offline
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it is kinda core, but the part that bugs me is how you've planned all the spoken, and sung parts.


I guess that is the dead give away for metalcore. Other than that it's ok....some basic English issues though, nothing serious....
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  #5  
Old 2008-09-02, 22:13
Requiem Requiem is offline
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You can't classify a band's genre by how they write their lyrics. Too bad I'm just too fucking lazy to validate my argument.
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  #6  
Old 2008-09-03, 15:17
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L,B'XXX L,B'XXX is offline
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It's not bad stylewise. I think the last few lies could be redone so they aren't a repetition of other songs' same idea. Make sure it flows well as it's all being spoken and you'll probably find what words need altered to get it all smoother.

I don't quite agree with some of the ideas in this, but it's your piece not mine. Glad you posted. Happy to help out.
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  #7  
Old 2008-09-03, 17:20
7-string warlord's Avatar
7-string warlord 7-string warlord is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Requiem
You can't classify a band's genre by how they write their lyrics. Too bad I'm just too fucking lazy to validate my argument.


yeah dude, you can when it's like that.....okay scream here...sing here....ooh..it's the whipser part right before the break down!.....



that's easy as hell to identify.

Also I'm pretty sure you could identify genre from a lot of lyrics....it may not always be 100 percent correct, but it is very possible. Think about black metal lyrics, and death and grind...shit even country.
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  #8  
Old 2008-09-04, 09:39
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I don't think it's possible to do it because even the same band might take different approachs to the same lyric and song. Look at some of Zakk Wylde's stuff. He might be heavy rock on one thing and soloing with piano in another. Same thing with Sabbath. If you heard Fluff and didn't know what it was you might thing it was elevator music.
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My eldest son's bipolar website: www.bipolarmanifesto.com

-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!
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  #9  
Old 2008-09-04, 16:45
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Amadeus Amadeus is offline
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Functioning word being "might" - not all that many bands of the sum total are very varied.

Personally, this kind of lyrics does very little for me, especially in the kind of setting you seem to be suggesting. It feels obvious without being blunt. However, keep thinking and trying.

As for the guy who compared with Megadeth,

"What do you mean I hurt your feelings
Didn't know you had any feelings
What do you mean I'm not kind
Just not your kind
What do you mean I couldn't be the president
Of the united states of America
Tell me something - it's still we, the people, right?"

... and in that setting, well, I see it in another division.
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