My first attempt to write lyrics outside of the Star Wars Theme. I just was thinking of what to write while at work and stuff, and I'm thinking of writing music to the lyrics if they turn out alright when I finish them.

Laugh, cry, hate it, love it.

Intro:

Millenia ago
The steel was forged
Passed down through centuries
To the ancestors of truth

In this day and age
It's purity is threatened
Spawned by mediocrity
False musicians in the spotlight

They taint the iron hilt
Fusing and tampering it
They hope for evolution
The breed mutation

My Brothers, I stand here before ye
Our destiny is upon us
Strike down the false prophets
For we are the Sons of True Metal!

(bridge)

Enemies of the sound beware
Your hold on our youth shall be severed
We are here to tear the hold
Your mediocrity ends here

The stagnation of metal
Stains your callous hands
Generic, over-the-counter productions
All sold out and overrated

Bridge:

Whine about your parents
Cry about your girlfriend
While you drown in your tears
We'll strike you bastards down!

Chorus:

emos, punks, and goths alike
Your nu-core age is done today
Fight the steel and you will die
It's your Judgement Day; your end is nigh

Your Alternative Plague has crippled the sound
You're the disease, we're the cure
When society is corrupted by apathy
We come out of the shadows to restore order

We're the Sons of True Metal!!!
Cast down false bearers of the steel
To Hell they shall go!!!
Serve their punishment for their inhumanity

(guitar solo)


This is it so far.

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I couldn't help thinking "Spinal Tap" reading this. Not that there isn't a place for something like this. There most definitely is. I don't find it a real serious piece though. The heart is there in the message, but the soul has a smirk. It's got good flow and all the elements that are positive in it so I almost hate to tell you to change it. The things I'd change are the in-your-face parts that say my metal is better than your metal.

I liked all the heavy iron influences of it. I had visions of a video with a dark dungeon type place where a few grimy looking people resembling powers' and fbs were forging and sculpting wood for guitars.

"Laugh, cry, hate it, love it. "Well, I didn't hate it and I didn't cry, but it did spark imagination so that's cool.

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Haha that was Manowar as fuck.

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The funny thing is I don't listen to Manowar... although there's a dude on this other forum who's a total Manowar fanboy. Funny stuff.

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It has that.. in your face here is the message clear and crystal as hell. You'd basically be stupid not to know what the entire song was about 4 lines into it. As far as your "standard" metal lyrics, this is probably not so much on key, although something like style is more suited for punk and things like it. In saying that, it just basically has the "poppy" type of lyrics, so if you have metal thats a little more streamlined and "pop" like then this would work.

As i see it anyways.
its almost hard to critique other than just saying its uninspiring and i can tell this is a starting point for further things to come. Keep writing.

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Here's a tip..

Never finish that song. In fact, you should throw them out in shame and forget you ever wrote such lyrics.

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I definitely hate this type of metal and think that it should be left to Manowar, since they seem to know how to do it well enough. I also don't believe that you don't know Manowar, since you literally used their motto in your lyrics.

But, if it's what you want to do, I'll give you this one tip: when composing an anthemic, traditional metal song, rhyme. I think in general the end this is reaching for would be better served by a more oblique treatment, but if this is what you want to do, do it right. Lazily breaking with the established and 'true' tradition in a song which complains about the same is only cool if you're being deliberately ironic.

Honestly, what I was going for was something cheesy and meaningless, yet have some light stupid humor to it. And I've heard of Manowar, but I've never heard anything from them.

As for rhyming.... I suck at that. Very rarely will I get a decent rhyming scheme going (IE Mandalorian Crusade chorus).

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Cheesy definitely requires rhyme. Since it's cheesy, you can just use some readymades and not worry about thinking up good rhymes. Just make sure that you have easy words in rhyming position and you're set.

Yes, it did have me laughing midly. Find the rhyming flow PST's talking about, and with the right timing and attitude in performance it could be a live winner.

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It's nice to see you aren't writing about Star Wars. That's a start.

As for this, it starts off sounding like something sung in high-pitched eighties 'metal-warrior' sort of thing and then descends into an 'I hate emo and alternative' rant.



It's definitely cheesy and meaningless, but it's funny in an unintentional way. And even then, it's not really all that funny. If you are going to write goof-ball, metal-warrior lyrics and make it ridiculous, you should stick with the traditional themes of Viking, rape, pillage, plunder, metal-gods, riding a lion while chasing a barbarian bitch on a unicorn, kind of shit. At some point you can do the whole our 'metal' will crush you deal, but even still, these whole thing is just sort of lame.

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Haha that just got fucking sigged.

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Revised and completed, and even more ridiculous, esspecially the end.

Intro:

Millenia ago
The steel was made
Passed down for centuries
Through our bloodline truth remained

In this day and age
It's purity is threatened
Spawned by mediocrity
False idols in the light

They taint the iron hilt
Fusing and tampering it
They hope for evolution
The breed mutation

My Brothers, I stand here before ye
Our destiny is upon us
Strike down the false prophets
For we are the Sons of True Metal!

(bridge)

Enemies of the sound beware
Your might against us won't fare
Your hold on our youth we'll tear
Your mediocrity ends here

The falling of metal
Stains your callous hands
Sold-out and overrated
Produced generic brands

Bridge:

Dwell in yuor depression
Cry, whine, gripe, sulk, frown
Prepare for your Damnation
We'll strike you bastards down!

Chorus:

Fake, false creatures; run away
Your nu-core age is done today
Fight the steel and you will die
It's Judgement Day; your end is nigh

Your plague of stagnation has crippled the sound
You're the disease, we're the cure
When society is corrupted by apathy
We return to eliminate the enemy

We're the Sons of True Metal!!!
Cast down false bearers of the steel
To Hell they shall go!!!
Serve their punishment for their inhumanity

(guitar solo)

Verse 2:

We're the descendance of a forgotten race
Born from an age of steel
We evolved and grew and overcame
Our victory gave us strength

Strap on your leather, sharpen your spikes
Fallen from grace, hatred for a king
Painted, blooded, grim evil faces
True Black in their hearts, a Venom in their veins

No regard for life, malice and gore are their things
Faithless, nihilistic, powerful beings
Tear through your flesh, past the crust
When done with your innards, your bones are laid to rust

Faster than thunder, quicker than light
Sound rushing fast like the wind
No stop, no turns, no looking back
Accelerating past the breaking point

One man alone stands against the odds
On his steed, a knights armor on his back
Thrusting through the forest we live in
In search of the day his battles will end

Bridge:

Together we stand, a reckoning power
Too much to fend, you'll all cower
This stench of weakness has grown too sour
Over your void "uniqueness" we will tower

(Chorus)

Interlude/Solos:

Our weapons in war are strong and fierce
Axes and swords, through your drapes they'll pierce
But our True Metal weapons are not make of steel
The instruments we play are what make you kneel

Fast fingers and hand on our guitars
Wooden Godsends for which you have tainted
6-stringed, 24-fretted, materpieces of the creators
Entrail-imploding solos, music undebated

(Guitar solo)

The bottom, the boom, the wolly bass
A behemoth of the strings that brings a smile to my face
The juggernaut imprisoned by your arrogance
Hear the groove-driven line, feel the resonance

(Bass solo)

88 black and white, an atmosphere made
The keyboard, the strongest if rightly played
It's greatness you stifled, in the back it laid
Breathe in its passionate energy, watch the frailty fade

(Keyboard solo)

The Pulse of our fire, the set of drums
A wall of ranges, a world of possibility
Our armies march to the beats on the skin
Watch as they blow away your mediocrity

(Drum solo; for comic relief, "Cowbell" is yelled)

(Instrumental bridge)

(Mini-guitar/bass/keyboard/drum solo-ish thingy)

"Goddamn, that metal makes me hard."

(Bridge)

(Chorus)

Outro;

(The Sons of True Metal!)Brutality is our specialty!
(The Sons of True Metal!)Here to save you from depression!
(The Sons of True Metal!)Death to all apathy!
(The Sons of True Metal!)False metal, prepare for extinction!

(The Sons of True Metal!)
We're The Sons...
of...
True heavy fucking blow-your-eyes-out, steel-tasting, iron-coming, gut-busting, heavier-than-heavy, bigger-than-that-fat-groupie-at-some-faggy-metalcore-show-with-the-tit-piercings-and-heartogram-tattoo-on-her-back-yelling-"I want Bleeding Through's babies!"-when-really-her-best-chance-at-even-illigitimate-sex-would-be-with-the-hobo-who-drinks-out-of-the-same-lemon-vodka-bottle-he-pisses-in-just-for-the-turn-on!(sustain)

...... Metal!!!(echos out)

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Almost an Allen Ginsburg. (hehe) Well, that was definitely revised and looooong. You went nuts with the imagery and it wasn't as goofy as it began. It had it's moments though. It was kind of cool though. You could knock it down to a shorter version I'm sure, but I'd keep this one, too.

Did you do music for it?

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Not yet, but I'm thinking of writing something for it. I'm going to start it off as a somewhat traditional heavy metal song, somewhere in the vein of Iron Maiden, Judas Priest, and then work in some influence from death metal, black metal, power metal, and thrash.

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Make it shorter. Use the energy you waste on bloating your pieces out on revising the existing portions, making them as good as they can be. Same advice goes for the actual music. Being excessive is one thing, but being excessive because you're too lazy to write well and simply is something quite different. Learn the latter before moving on to the former.

Happy to be of service.

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