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View Poll Results: well ...
It sucks 2 40.00%
Good 0 0%
You Bastard 1 20.00%
Ok 2 40.00%
Voters: 5. You may not vote on this poll

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  #1  
Old 2002-09-10, 01:14
Lord Malphas
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some shit I just wrote

At the Valley of Death I was..
it was a cold silent night
i had been hearing a deep sweet voice inside my head
it was calling me...
suddendly between some trees I saw a shadow...
I dont know why I couldnt move ... but I wasnt scared
it came to me and stayed there for about 10 minutes
just staring at me .. then it said "you`re the one"
i didnt understand what he meant...

later i woke up at my house... i didnt know if it was a dream or reality
i went down to the valley... I saw a lapid ...it had my name .. a sword by the side
and a note that said : "you`re the one"
since then i havent been able to figure out what that means... but every night
i hear that voice .. saying my name ...
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  #2  
Old 2002-09-10, 05:31
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memnoch memnoch is offline
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Sounds like it could be some kind of story.....but you need to brush up on your writing skills. The whole thing sounds like you're talking to me about it, not like i'm reading it off a page.

"for about 10 minutes"

Using language like this in a song/story is very.....uh, bad.
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Justice the founder of my fabric moved
To rear me was the task of power divine
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Before me things create were none, save things
Eternal, and eternal I endure
All hope abandon, ye who enter here

Against the concert of the Immortals he cannot stand alone.
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  #3  
Old 2002-09-10, 09:45
Lord Malphas
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yeah .. I know I suck writing shit
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  #4  
Old 2002-09-10, 09:46
Lord Malphas
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BTW English isnt my first language .. I have like 1 year studying it ...
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  #5  
Old 2002-09-17, 18:22
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mrweijia mrweijia is offline
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yeah, memnoch's right, it sounds like a conversation
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  #6  
Old 2002-10-09, 00:13
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ThroneofbahoS ThroneofbahoS is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2002
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reminds me of "the Dune"
It's quite cliché... but it's good in a way... I like clichés...
and I couldn have it done better myself...
I choose"You Bastard"
don't worry bout your writing... it gets better...
meanwhile, do like this guy --->
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