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  #1  
Old 2007-01-25, 17:02
CompelledToLacerate's Avatar
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Guardian in the Making

I know I should be concentrating on revising my other lyrics, but I've only got two more songs to put some form of a draft to, including this song.

Tried to make it as short as possible for a medium-long song.

(Accoustic Intro)

(Guitar Entrance)

Verse 1;

On the planet Corusant
Lies a temple for the light
Keepers of the peace, defenders of justice
Jedi of the Republic, against the darkness

At this Academy
Training hard to become
Jedi for the future
Adolescent Padawan

Force Sensitive impressionable younglings
Taken in th learn the ways
Meditation and simulations are their things
Preparing them for their days

Chorus: (x2)

In these halls there lies waiting
A Guardian in the making
From childhood, all their years training
A Master awakening

Verse 2:

On the planet Corusant
The masters tutor and train
Preparations for any ages of darkness
Becoming galactic defenders

breakdown (DON'T PANIC! ); (x2)

Defend Democracy
Oppose Autocracy
Fight for tranquillty
Fight with serenity

(Chorus)

(Instrumental Break)

Interlude:

The life of a Jedi, perilous
The lure of the dark side, temptatious (?)
Knowledge and wisdom are a great ally
In times of blackness, on the code they rely

There is no emotion; there is peace.
There is no ignorance; there is knowledge.
There is no passion; there is serenity.
There is no chaos; there is harmony.

There is no death; there is the Force.

(Chorus)

Outro;

Learn the ways of the Force
Grab your saber and reach out
Feel it around you, through you
Don't resist, let it carry you
Flesh out the darkness
In the galaxy, in yourself
Fight for peace, not for conquest
With these teachings, achieve true...

...Harmony...
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Amadeus
It's really sad, all those people who don't understand why we shouldn't act like our enemies. The real victory is not only killing and imprisoning the terrorists, but also letting civilized manners override the lust for revenge, once the battle is over.
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  #2  
Old 2007-01-25, 18:03
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Structure and flow seems okay. I can't comment on how your piece relates to the story because I don' thave a clue about that. Someone else can comment on that.

Hey that word might be invented by you so leave it or check dictionary.com. I've made up one or two before.
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  #3  
Old 2007-01-26, 00:03
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I typed in "Temptatious" on MS word and it came up as a spelling error. So I'm guessing either my MS word is a homo, or it really isn't a word.

I'll still keep it. I can't think of another word similar to "temptation" or "seduction" that still rhymes.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Amadeus
It's really sad, all those people who don't understand why we shouldn't act like our enemies. The real victory is not only killing and imprisoning the terrorists, but also letting civilized manners override the lust for revenge, once the battle is over.
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  #4  
Old 2007-01-26, 03:07
PST 88 PST 88 is offline
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Why not make the rhyme something like 'threatening/beckoning' or 'menacing/inticing.' In other words, if you can't find something to rhyme with perilous, why should you keep the word 'perilous' in rhyme position (or at all)?
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  #5  
Old 2007-01-26, 03:24
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Same thing; I couldn't think of any synonyms to perilous.

I've been brain dead all day. It amazes me that I even wrote this out without using the word "BLEH." (Instead, I used the word "temptatious" ). But even if I was more concious (for lack of a better word), my vocabulary is reletively narrow compared to most, and I didn't have thesaurus on me at the time.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Amadeus
It's really sad, all those people who don't understand why we shouldn't act like our enemies. The real victory is not only killing and imprisoning the terrorists, but also letting civilized manners override the lust for revenge, once the battle is over.
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  #6  
Old 2007-01-26, 16:39
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BLEH
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  #7  
Old 2007-02-23, 15:43
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Quote:
Originally Posted by L,B'XXX
Structure and flow seems okay. I can't comment on how your piece relates to the story because I don' thave a clue about that. Someone else can comment on that. .

I just caught this part. I'm SMRT!

It doesn't relate to any event in Star Wars. It relates mainly to the Jedi and their ways.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Amadeus
It's really sad, all those people who don't understand why we shouldn't act like our enemies. The real victory is not only killing and imprisoning the terrorists, but also letting civilized manners override the lust for revenge, once the battle is over.
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  #8  
Old 2007-02-23, 16:33
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please, its agony
no more Star Wars in music
please, broaden your themes



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  #9  
Old 2007-02-23, 17:35
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Star Wars is old
Compelled to Lacerate please
No more George Lucas

(My Haiku)
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  #10  
Old 2007-05-26, 02:09
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Amadeus
It's really sad, all those people who don't understand why we shouldn't act like our enemies. The real victory is not only killing and imprisoning the terrorists, but also letting civilized manners override the lust for revenge, once the battle is over.
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