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2006-06-05, 21:50
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MotörCat
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Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: 昔昔
Posts: 7,547
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theory jokes
im sure we have heard a few of them, mostly bad ones but give em anyway
Q:why did the pianist go to jail?
A: he fingered A minor
Q: Why did the 5th leave the army?
A: he knew he would never be a Major
those are the only two i can think of right now
__________________
POW MIA NEVER FORGOTTEN
no one can tell you to turn down your amp unless they're of higher skill or in your band
Why not make shit up as we go-fox
Ok. You're literate, intelligent and funny-FBS
"Calm down, Edgar back in your cage"-far beyond sane
"you suck the cat-avatar-guy doesnt"-The Doc
Now My Legacy Shall Live Forever!!
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2006-06-05, 21:58
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HES BAAACK
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: slaying all the giants
Posts: 9,967
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*groooooan*
i dont know any, but smiled at those. a smile in anguish that is
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www.myspace.com/crownedmusic
http://i79.photobucket.com/albums/j136/transient_shirts/Banner.gif
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2006-06-05, 22:30
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New Blood
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Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Hattiesburg, MS
Posts: 9
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The new 'Theory Of Relativity':
E = Fb
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http://www.myspace.com/hannoverfiste
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2006-06-05, 23:44
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Death to all but metal!
Forum Leader
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Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Highway to the Danger Zone
Posts: 6,026
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NERDY!
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by Amadeus
"Ja mein little poodle, I will hang you by your nipples in my garage,
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2006-06-06, 01:23
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Senior Metalhead
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Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: East Texas, Contact and will drink if in area
Posts: 200
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Nothing personal but I think I would rather hit myself in the head. . .. I did it every day when my old piano instructor would say "What do you get when a piano falls down a mine shaft- a flat minor" and the whole "all cows eat what?" and then answer "not hay. . . but what, grass". . . . . I seriously wanted to strangle that guys when he did that crap sometimes. .. . .
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"Saying that people have sex only to procreate is like saying people eat only to defecate." 
RIP Brian Daniel McDonough: June 30, 1983- April 13, 2006, One of the bass greats that never was discovered |
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2006-06-06, 02:13
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El Diablo sin pantalones
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Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Yggdrassyl
Posts: 4,321
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by tchambliss
I seriously wanted to strangle that guys when he did that crap sometimes. .. . .
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What made you hessitate?
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by Darko
Quote:
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Originally Posted by Requiem
Why would you sig that?
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Why not? Why would you sig me saying that I hate you? I was serious there, too. |
I'm in despair! The internet has left me in despair! |
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2006-06-06, 10:30
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HES BAAACK
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: slaying all the giants
Posts: 9,967
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by tchambliss
Nothing personal but I think I would rather hit myself in the head. . .. I did it every day when my old piano instructor would say "What do you get when a piano falls down a mine shaft- a flat minor" and the whole "all cows eat what?" and then answer "not hay. . . but what, grass". . . . . I seriously wanted to strangle that guys when he did that crap sometimes. .. . .
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i dont get the cow one
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www.myspace.com/crownedmusic
http://i79.photobucket.com/albums/j136/transient_shirts/Banner.gif
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2006-06-06, 14:27
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Metal As Fuck!
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Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: LR AR
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Think it's suppose to be a way to remember the notes on the treble clef or something like that.
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R.I.P. Dimebag
My Music
BuildTheMusic.com is your #1 FREE online guitar resource center.
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2006-06-06, 15:08
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Post-whore
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Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: nowhere,USA
Posts: 1,457
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the spaces on the bass cleff are ACEG. and peeps always are saying all cows eat grass to remember the note names.
A-all
C-cows
E-eat
G-grass
then for treble remembering the notes for the lines are
E-every
G-good
B-boy
D-deserves
F-fudge
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music expresses which words cant emulate
Quote:
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Originally Posted by User01
ibut i wouldnt get any help at a slipknot board, theyre struggling with palm muting!  |
Last edited by YJM04 : 2006-06-06 at 15:11.
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2006-06-06, 18:27
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Post-whore
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Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Ballater, Scotland, UK.
Posts: 1,128
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by guitar_demon
im sure we have heard a few of them, mostly bad ones but give em anyway
Q:why did the pianist go to jail?
A: he fingered A minor
Q: Why did the 5th leave the army?
A: he knew he would never be a Major
those are the only two i can think of right now
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They are both quite funny. Particularly the second one, for me at least. It's got more reference and less pun.
The 5th is not major! 
AAAAGH HA-HA HA-HA! |
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2006-06-06, 18:29
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Post-whore
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Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: nowhere,USA
Posts: 1,457
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...... what did the guitar wear to the beach?....
A:a G string.
What did the guitar say to the guitarist?
A: Pick on someone your own size
How do you get a guitar player to play softer?
A: Give him a sheet of music.
How do you improve the aerodynamics of a musician's car?
A:Take the Domino's Pizza sign off the roof
Why did Bach get rid of all of his chickens?
A:Because his audience, at every concert, kept yelling... "Bach, Bach, Bach, Bach, Bach
not really theory but thats all i could think of. pretty corney huh?
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music expresses which words cant emulate
Quote:
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Originally Posted by User01
ibut i wouldnt get any help at a slipknot board, theyre struggling with palm muting! |
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2006-06-07, 00:53
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Slayer of dumb cunts
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Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Virginia Tech, Blacksburg, va
Posts: 3,622
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by YJM04
How do you get a guitar player to play softer?
A: Give him a sheet of music.
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Thats really funny haha. Too true.. too true
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by Darko
...Its very annoying to keep having to hear some socially-disabled teen come on these boards talking about all the drugs he's started doing so that he can maybe grasp onto some kind of positive response so he feels better about himself and what he's doing.
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About requiem. Aint it the truth... |
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2006-06-07, 16:08
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I am a tax on the world..
Forum Leader
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Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: pizza with a shit on it!
Posts: 7,994
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by YJM04
......
How do you get a guitar player to play softer?
A: Give him a sheet of music.
How do you improve the aerodynamics of a musician's car?
A:Take the Domino's Pizza sign off the roof....
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BURN!!!!
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Man, I get real sweaty after I wack my dong. Yeah, cause I headbang while I do, and I can't really "Jump" (haha ) like VanHalen in a dorm room, so I just walk back and forth....haha a couple days ago I was jumping up and down on my bed, with my pants down and my roommate came in when I wasn't looking, hahaha.
 
This is my band's page
http://www.myspace.com/ferocitydentontx
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2006-06-07, 23:37
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Supreme Metalhead
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Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Calgary, AB
Posts: 771
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Whats the difference between (insert musician's name here) and feedback?
Feedback is in tune.
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2006-06-08, 06:16
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Post-whore
Banned
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Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Sydney, Aus
Posts: 2,037
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Put your finger under my G string and clean out the grime.
Im not joking.
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2006-06-08, 18:07
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Post-whore
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Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Ballater, Scotland, UK.
Posts: 1,128
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by YJM04
...... what did the guitar wear to the beach?....
A:a G string.
What did the guitar say to the guitarist?
A: Pick on someone your own size
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Cheap, yes, but effective. |
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2006-06-08, 20:02
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Death to all but metal!
Forum Leader
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Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Highway to the Danger Zone
Posts: 6,026
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by tchambliss
Nothing personal but I think I would rather hit myself in the head. . .. I did it every day when my old piano instructor would say "What do you get when a piano falls down a mine shaft- a flat minor" and the whole "all cows eat what?" and then answer "not hay. . . but what, grass". . . . . I seriously wanted to strangle that guys when he did that crap sometimes. .. . .
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Hahaha
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by Amadeus
"Ja mein little poodle, I will hang you by your nipples in my garage,
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2006-06-13, 04:01
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6 lvl 80's sucka.
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Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Tallahassee Florida
Posts: 2,483
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by davie_gravy
Think it's suppose to be a way to remember the notes on the treble clef or something like that.
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ya itz teh basz cl3ff N00BZ0RZ
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by Paddy
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2006-06-15, 01:21
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bugfucker strikes back.
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Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: 19713, Delaware
Posts: 5,739
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by I-Heart-Hate
ya itz teh basz cl3ff N00BZ0RZ
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The only thing gayer that that response is all the jokes in this thread.
Not that they were meant to be funny, but. My old guitar teacher was a jazz guitarist, and he was a douche bag, and made alot of jokes like that. Its painful that I was paying to listen to that for a half an hour.
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by Nihilist
The one time I go to check this thread, it mentions me getting fucked by a dude.
Awesome.
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2006-06-15, 07:57
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Post-whore
Banned
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Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Sydney, Aus
Posts: 2,037
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by Dissection
The only thing gayer that that response is all the jokes in this thread.
Not that they were meant to be funny, but. My old guitar teacher was a jazz guitarist, and he was a douche bag, and made alot of jokes like that. Its painful that I was paying to listen to that for a half an hour.
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Awwwww, der der lil DiSs3cTi0n lolz.
Mummi isn't home now, but wen she comes she will wisten to aaallll your pwoblems. you'll feel better when the dislodges the paint can in you ass.
Awwww Awwww swweetie willy dissection awww so cute. What a cutie pie.
Awwwwww feel better honey? |
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2006-06-15, 15:22
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bugfucker strikes back.
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Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: 19713, Delaware
Posts: 5,739
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...I wish that made sense... 
__________________
Quote:
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Originally Posted by Nihilist
The one time I go to check this thread, it mentions me getting fucked by a dude.
Awesome.
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2006-06-15, 20:45
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New Blood
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Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Toronto, ON
Posts: 45
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So one day they decided to open up Mozart's grave, and they found him sitting in there with a pile of sheet music and an eraser, erasing all of his music. They asked him "what are you doing?" and Mozart replied "I'm decomposing" ....
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2006-06-15, 21:01
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MotörCat
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Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: 昔昔
Posts: 7,547
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heh
__________________
POW MIA NEVER FORGOTTEN
no one can tell you to turn down your amp unless they're of higher skill or in your band
Why not make shit up as we go-fox
Ok. You're literate, intelligent and funny-FBS
"Calm down, Edgar back in your cage"-far beyond sane
"you suck the cat-avatar-guy doesnt"-The Doc
Now My Legacy Shall Live Forever!!
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2006-06-16, 15:38
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Post-whore
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Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: PEI, Canada
Posts: 1,103
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by tmfreak
Thats really funny haha. Too true.. too true
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you guys suck
i can read sheet music for guitar its just how should i put this.... A BITCH
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by k13m
so i guess its kinda nice for leads but i thought it sucked ass for soloing
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2006-06-16, 18:56
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Supreme Metalhead
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Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: D-town biatch!
Posts: 755
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Holy shit PST needs to edit that post by Problematic....
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http://soundcloud.com/white-t
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2007-04-11, 00:16
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New Blood
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Palm Bay, Florida
Posts: 30
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How to you get a guitar player to turn down his amp?
Put sheet music in front of him.
How do you get him to turn it down more?
Put notes on it.
How do you get two guitar players to play counterpoint?
Have them sight read the sheet music.
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Db Dim 7 b9
So that would be...Db Fb Abb Cbb Ebb.
Fuckin' crazy...
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2007-04-25, 17:18
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FFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
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Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: St. Louis
Posts: 3,003
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by koglos
So one day they decided to open up Mozart's grave, and they found him sitting in there with a pile of sheet music and an eraser, erasing all of his music. They asked him "what are you doing?" and Mozart replied "I'm decomposing" ....
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__________________
DETH TOLL!!!
Keep checking for new crap.
Quote:
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Originally Posted by Amadeus
It's really sad, all those people who don't understand why we shouldn't act like our enemies. The real victory is not only killing and imprisoning the terrorists, but also letting civilized manners override the lust for revenge, once the battle is over.
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2007-04-25, 17:40
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New Blood
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 45
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by Vittu0666
How to you get a guitar player to turn down his amp?
Put sheet music in front of him.
How do you get him to turn it down more?
Put notes on it.
How do you get two guitar players to play counterpoint?
Have them sight read the sheet music.
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Ahhhh great joke to follow the counterpoint thread  |
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2007-04-26, 00:25
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6 lvl 80's sucka.
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Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Tallahassee Florida
Posts: 2,483
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by problematic
Awwwww, der der lil DiSs3cTi0n lolz.
Mummi isn't home now, but wen she comes she will wisten to aaallll your pwoblems. you'll feel better when the dislodges the paint can in you ass.
Awwww Awwww swweetie willy dissection awww so cute. What a cutie pie.
Awwwwww feel better honey?
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lawl
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by Paddy
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2007-05-02, 18:49
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Post-whore
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Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Ballater, Scotland, UK.
Posts: 1,128
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This isn't really a joke, but my mate Keith once got out of maths because he said he had anacrusis in his fingers.
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2008-04-24, 21:54
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Metalhead
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 56
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by unanything
This isn't really a joke, but my mate Keith once got out of maths because he said he had anacrusis in his fingers.
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metal... I'm gonna try that sometime
but anyway, I'm a guitarist and I can read sheet music... but I'm also a pianist, saxophonist, and zylaphonist also ha
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by CompelledToLacerate
going into an ejaculating spazz attack
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I play lead guitar in a band called Elpium Eyeballs. We're workin on our first album, to be called Hookah
Last edited by Corruption : 2008-04-24 at 22:02.
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2009-07-21, 01:05
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New Blood
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Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: LA
Posts: 18
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theory jokes
WOW!! Lol
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2010-03-09, 23:21
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Post-whore
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Join Date: May 2004
Posts: 1,068
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by rockitmarty
WOW!! Lol
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These are funny jokes.
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t('~'t)
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