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  #1  
Old 2006-05-15, 17:55
No Heart's Avatar
No Heart No Heart is offline
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Dear Mother

K well no one here knows me , I came from taborama, where we all knew each other, and this is one of my personal poems about my mom, she has h.i.v. hepatitis a b and c, she’s dying right now, shell be leaving here pretty soon, but this is it:

Breath, for me
I can see
The message in your voice
Here I sit
Rockin' back and forth
Thinking how to avoid
The unavoidable
Question in there eyes
...I can’t be lost
In my mind
I’ve lost my mind
Inside my confusion
What am I going to?
Who am I gonna believe
Amongst a crowd
Of blunt rebellion
The candle in the night
The angel standing outside the door
Waitin to take me home
To you...
Where I left you
In heaven, to find the child
Lost in a cold winter
From tears of a mother
Frozen in sadness
All these maps in my hands
Don’t know which one to find
To who or where I am
And here I wish to face
Your pretty eyes
Always watchin for what you could
Inside this isolation dream
Fighting off demons
While I grow alone
I think you forgot to stop
Stop all the fighting
And fight for yourself
You’d probably be here sleeping
Listening to the sound of my guitar
My voice singing over the demons
Like you had a choice
To live a better life
And I wish I had mine
So I could go where you are
Yet here I stand…good-bye mama - No Heart
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  #2  
Old 2006-05-15, 17:59
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Transient Transient is offline
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sad. id feel odd critiquing this in any way due to its immensely important subject
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  #3  
Old 2006-05-16, 06:40
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L,B'XXX L,B'XXX is offline
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Yes, heartfelt pieces of this type are about as personal as one can get. I wouldn't critique it.
I'm so sorry about your mom having all those difficulties and you, too. Your poem was beautiful though. God bless you both.
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  #4  
Old 2006-05-16, 22:27
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timedragon timedragon is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Transient
sad

yes, wow that was really sad. just curious, No Heart, have you read/shown this to your mom??? or were you gonna, um, wait you know

i was wondering because when my grandpa was alive in his death bed i sort of sang him a little bit from a song by Mithotyn. it was completely appropriate considering even the first few lines:

"im an old rover, tired of this world
let me follow the whirlpool of life
into the world of happiness
that lies on the other side of death"

so yeah.
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  #5  
Old 2006-05-16, 22:46
walpurgis walpurgis is offline
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It really seems like you've done an excellent job putting your feelings into text, but like the others, I hope you weren't looking for a critique, because I couldn't really do it.

All that there is to say is that I'm very sorry for your situation man, I wish you the best, and if you need them, there's no doubt you'll find at least a few good people around here to talk to.
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  #6  
Old 2006-05-16, 23:25
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Infinity Infinity is offline
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Great.
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