I want No TIT, CRAP, DICk, PENIS immature shit, as always keep it funny but original, thanks for your time
If you want to make a comment to another member on their piece of story, Mark it with a "*", at the end of your story.
Here Goes......


Darkness was engulfing Jimbos room, he was all alone, his parents were away, Jimbo was NOT in a good mood...
"fuck this"... he though aloud, he wasn't going to stand here and do nothing, he HAD to do something, but what....Then

__________________

..He decided, to leave, yes thats right, leave home he thought, his parents were bad to him, fed him shit all the time, he was fed up, he couldnt do anything in his boring old world, without his family bickering all the time...he grabbed his rucksack and left, he had a tear running from his eye as he wrote a note to his parents to explain all of it, he grabbed some food and the £20 from his drawer, he shut the door behind him as he sighed, ''Im gonna start a new life in a new place'' he said to himself, he knew that he didnt want to do this alone, so he thought of a freind a close friend his name was Troy Parker, he also knew that Troy was having family problems and was basically in the same situation as Jimbo, he called on him just as he was having tea, Troy was not allowed to come out, ''Shit'' thought Jimbo, i cant beleive im going to have to do this on my own, he walked out of there abode, and something struck his mind, he should by a dog, *mans best friend he thought* but he didnt quite know if 20 pounds was quite enough cash to buy a dog...

*2 Hours Later*

He had just reached the pet store, and entered the building..this old man with a long grey beard approached him and said ''Oi u get out of my shop'' 'If you want to buy a pet or any sort of thing from this shop u have to be accomponied by an adult..'' ''fuck'' he thought...*think quickly think quickly* he whipped out the choclate bar from his bag and choked the old man with it ..''AHAHAHAHAHAHAH'' He quickly hid the man in the back of the pet store in a bag ..''what have i done he thought''..nevermind that he was a bastard..he ran back out..and swiped the monkey out of its cage nearby...this will have to do he said..he didnt have time to choose a dog, before anyone nearby came into the petshop..and accused him of anything..he ran out of the shop with the monkey on his shoulder.....jimbo was about quarter of a mile away from the pet shop, not did he realise that the monkey was...

__________________

still at the pet store waving good-bye. but in his pocket was a small puppy that the monkey had stuffed in while he was grabbing the cash. The puppy barked causing him to...

__________________

..Hug it, he was realeaved, he waved back at the monkey, and his journey was on, but this time with a puppy, he named the puppy ''Casey'' casey was a very small puppy, but also very over protective and vicious..jimbo and casey stopped in a field to play ball, when jimbo threw the ball it..

__________________

turned into the monkey, who smiled and satrted to wave incessantly

__________________

well, speak of the devil he thought, now i do get another pet monkey,
so then he was happy he forgot that he was running away and started to walk
home, WTF, he said, and as soon as he turned around to leave a again, his
dad yelled out the door, "hey, take out the trash"

__________________

He got pissed off with his dad and threw the monkey at him. The monkey was a rabid attack monkey and immediatly killed his father. And then his mother came along and...

__________________

And he remembered he was leaving home, when POP a Jumping Ballpoint pen was in the, middle of the road, it spoke in a tremolo mixed with Digital Delay Voice.

"Listen to the Peanut inside you..." and it vanished


What the fuck thought jimbo

__________________

He was hungry after the peanut so he....

(dude your turn mrweijia!!!!)

__________________

ate

__________________

After he ate he decided to go......bowling. So he toddled along to the bowling alley. Once he got there he realised that he only had £20 to last him his whole life, and that maybe paying £5 for bowling wasn't a good idea. So he...

__________________

Robbed the rich Hobo in the corner and scored some McSwash

__________________

Then he fell asleep on his neighbours lawn.

__________________

with a cone on his head. when he woke up...

__________________

He'd been soaked with water!!!!!!!

__________________

And someone had stolen his £22.50
Now he was mad...

__________________

So he made a really cool sword from twigs and leaves, and went to go and hunt down the person ... or ...object who stole his money. He checked around the whole town, but couldnt find his robber, until...

__________________

...He came across this suspicious bloke, hanging outside the bank..''he must of took my money'' jimbo thought, he approached the man, as jimbo got nearer and nearer, the man started to walk away, jimbo yelled ''HEY'' the man turned around and told him to fuck off, jimbo wasnt going to have that so he desided to hurl some abuse back at him ''Fuck off yourself, you ass-licking cock-sucking twat!'', the man said nothing and walked away...jimbo was puzzled..... but out of nowhere, the man whipped out a gun from his pocket and took a shot at jimbo...''FUCK!'' he thought and hid behind the bin he thought what deep shit he has got himself into, the man kept shooting, and he kept hearing the continously ping of the bullets rebounding off the steel bin...jimbo thought to himself..i cant just hide behind this bin cowardly...this is not right..fuck that..im gonna run at the bitch....and so he did,...''AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH'' jimbo jumped on the man and started laying into him punch after punch, blood was spitting out the mans mouth..a crowd of people were watching..but jimbo didnt care he needed his money back...he kept laying into him lefts, rights uppercuts, and even blows to the crotch with his knee..suddenly...

__________________

he grew a mullet and started listening to ac/dc. about five years later he became a roadie for cannibal corpse just before they were in ace ventura. he then married a girl from his home town and got her pregnant. when she had the baby it was deformed , so he ate it. it gave him terrible indegestion so he took some pepcid a.c. then the pepcid gavehim the shits . he went into the bathroom at k-mart. there were lines a mile long to use the stalls, so he shit in the urinal. at this point he came accross a chemical that when he pissed on made him invisible. he then went accross town savagely slaughtering people in the hood, because they had there rap up too loud and he hated rap. satan was so impressed he gave him an assignment. He had to go to iraq and slaughter saddam hussein beyond recognition,this gained him a spot in the underworld forever, as long as he didn't......

__________________

try to rape innocent teens who couldn't even see him coming because he was invisible. after a while he was looking for more fun, so he went out of the underworld again and killed two cops patroling the streets, he gutted them and hang them on the stop sign in front of the copshop, the cops where really pissed so they went mad and killed all prisoners in their rage, mad as he became he went on a total killing frenzy and killed all the cops in town, leaving them with their penis sliced of and put in their mouth....

next day he was looking for more fun so he took a plane to new york and he...