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  #1  
Old 2006-05-03, 13:57
GUITARFETUS GUITARFETUS is offline
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my first time posting a song

i have never posted any of my lyrics on here...i myslef do not like my lyrics..i feel they are immature and pg-13. i dont feel like i write decent lyrics but i want to see what other people think.. its a cool song especialy the music for it the music i wrote too...here are the lyrics.

BEYOND DISFIGURMENT
Twisted mangled corpse beyond disfigurement
Charred skin, broken, mutilated limbs
Swelling genitals torn vaginal labia,
Ejaculating purulent fluids from genital wart infested orifices.
Beyond disfigurement, deformed faceless, charred skin broken, deformed faceless.
Smell of putrid smegma fills the air… blood and semen soaking in her hair.
Sexual organs are removed… now my phallus swollen with pride, from the sight of… this mangled bride, I penetrate what’s left of her anal cavity, and I leave my drooling seed… and I leave my drooling seed.
Beyond disfigurement, deformed faceless, charred skin broken, deformed faceless. X2.
Smell of putrid smegma fills the air… blood and semen soaking in her hair.
Sexual organs are removed.
Beyond disfigurement, deformed faceless, charred skin broken, deformed faceless. X2.
Beyond disfigurement, deformed faceless.
I smear my smegma on her face, then I leave her a tip, and laugh as I watch my cum drip.

and here is the music if anyone cares.

http://www.myspace.com/deformography
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Last edited by GUITARFETUS : 2006-05-03 at 13:59.
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  #2  
Old 2006-05-03, 18:45
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You people and you're death metal. hah

Well it was.. odd to say the least. Intresting use of words i think. A lil too extreme for my taste though. But hey, sounds like its up the right alley lyrically for death metal.
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  #3  
Old 2006-05-03, 20:04
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It just isn't my thing. I might listen to the song to hear the music sometime, but this type lyric wouldn't get a second look from me.
However you do know how to use language and structure in a lyric so something of a different nature might interest me more.
Don't sell yourself short on your own writing. I never liked mine much either and it took awhile to find an audience, but it can happen. Good luck to you and hope to see you post again.
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-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
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  #4  
Old 2006-05-03, 20:04
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...constructive right. ok, considered therapy?
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  #5  
Old 2006-05-04, 00:27
GUITARFETUS GUITARFETUS is offline
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well thanks for the positive comments..and well i figured there would be plenty of death metal lyrics...i thought mine would be among the many cheesy lyrics..and i came here to gain knowledge on how to make them less cheesy without sacrificing my theme. but i get "considered therapy?" were you serious? i know you have heard way worse stuff and more rediculous..were you being serious?
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  #6  
Old 2006-05-04, 02:16
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GUITARFETUS
well thanks for the positive comments..and well i figured there would be plenty of death metal lyrics...i thought mine would be among the many cheesy lyrics..and i came here to gain knowledge on how to make them less cheesy without sacrificing my theme. but i get "considered therapy?" were you serious? i know you have heard way worse stuff and more rediculous..were you being serious?

heh, no man, i wasnt. gore isnt my thing at all, but i understand its fun (or something) for some people . honestly, one gore song to another has no difference for me. but nah, i dont think you need therapy because of it

but whats rediculous is a matter of opinion, and in mine, gore is among the most ridiculous
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  #7  
Old 2006-05-04, 11:26
GUITARFETUS GUITARFETUS is offline
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ok thats better. i kind of wanted more criticism on my structure, use of words... and more other stuff, not realy the lyrics or what the song is about itsself. i wanted to know if it was put together ok? does it match the music? stuff like that..but thanks for the comments.
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  #8  
Old 2006-05-04, 14:53
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Darn telemarketers called right as I started to listen. I liked the music to this even those I didn't like the lyrics. I liked the way you used the dissonnance in it. And even the vocal style wasn't bad, but I don't listen to a whole lot of DM. It seemed to have a good flow and rhythm and flow to it.
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-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!
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  #9  
Old 2006-05-04, 18:38
GUITARFETUS GUITARFETUS is offline
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cool thanks...good neutral comments...ill be posting more lyrics.
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  #10  
Old 2006-05-05, 00:15
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Infinity Infinity is offline
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@ TM freak - Yeah up the right ally alright if you catch my drift aahah

I thought it was boring, if you are gonna do gore get some influence from the masters. Bedt gore songs I read were Fucked with a Knife by CC and Duct Taped and Raped by Fleshgrind. Thats a killer.
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  #11  
Old 2006-05-05, 04:30
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Well it's just a description of scenery and a very short part of action... Pretty vivid, but I think it might leave a bit too much up to the imagination. It's nothing new, while it's very well put. I got sort of hyped when I read it because I like gory lyrics sometimes but it didn't create an interesting picture in my head.
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  #12  
Old 2006-05-05, 10:45
GUITARFETUS GUITARFETUS is offline
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cool awesome. i would like to write about something other than gore..but i have nothing at all to write about.. i have nothing to say besides subtle points of views in my lyrics..tey are actualy deeper than what they sound like it just doesnt come through. i write my lyrics metaphorically and symbolicly...but i guess it only works if it shows or comes through.
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  #13  
Old 2006-05-05, 14:14
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Kai Latvala Kai Latvala is offline
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Sorry to be unconstructive but there is no point to those lyrics....

If I'm wrong please enlighten me to what you were trying to say with your
"metaphor"
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  #14  
Old 2006-05-05, 14:59
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these lyrics would rule if the song was only 10 seconds long







its a joke, everyone
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  #15  
Old 2006-05-05, 20:34
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Infinity Infinity is offline
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FETUS - write about how you feel about things. Rhyme is not essential to lyrics. Check out Cynic and Atheist and Today is the Day to see some different lyrical styles. They just write about how the are feeling, what they think of different subjects, and what matters to them. Think about that, think about what pisses you off, what makes you happy, wha you appreciate, what you enjoy, what causes pain etc. Write about it. Make lyrics meaningful. Of course the odd gore song done well is great too though,
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  #16  
Old 2006-05-06, 01:59
GUITARFETUS GUITARFETUS is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kai Latvala
Sorry to be unconstructive but there is no point to those lyrics....

If I'm wrong please enlighten me to what you were trying to say with your
"metaphor"



the metaphor in this song is -loving to treat someone like shit...someone you hate or someone meaningless to you...like a prostitute for example...you just pay her to get off for a few minutes or whatever...but you could do a whole mess of things to her if your nutty...or you could WISH to do things like this to a certain person...it was sort of my anger release song...toward a certain uncle of mine that i hate...i wish he was a prostitute, and i wish i could do some of those things to him. like rape him. no not realy just kidding H A HA FUCK IT ITS A POINTLESS GORE SONG. well thats what you all think anyway. i guess it doesnt matter. thanks for all your comments.
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  #17  
Old 2006-05-06, 13:53
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Kai Latvala Kai Latvala is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GUITARFETUS
like a prostitute for example....a certain uncle of mine ....

that some sick shit bitch
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"And he piled upon the whale's white hump, the sum of all the hate and rage fely by his race. If his chest had been a cannon, he would have shot his heart upon it."
Sanasta sana tulevi, kipinästä maa kytevi
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  #18  
Old 2006-05-06, 22:10
GUITARFETUS GUITARFETUS is offline
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yup basicly.
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  #19  
Old 2006-05-08, 14:22
PST 88 PST 88 is offline
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That's not unconstructive. Unconstructive would be saying 'This sucks.' Saying 'this has no point, please explain what you're getting at' provokes a response that requires thinking, which is usually a good thing.
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