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  #1  
Old 2006-03-14, 09:26
Infinity's Avatar
Infinity Infinity is offline
Life is pain.
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Location: Australia
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What Happened

How can I better
Whats already said best?
Barren... Desolate... Abandoned...
Paranoid at this recollection.
A fault without detection?
And I just don't know what can be done to save or leave it...
I'm walking with my shadow.
There is no reaction.
And I know I just can't live without that interaction...
No hands to catch me.
No words to guide me.
A cloth can blind the most open eyes and make them hateful.
Mistakes are cast on play.
And theres no news today.
I may try but I will never repair this thing they say is next to my home.

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  #2  
Old 2006-03-16, 07:12
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L,B'XXX L,B'XXX is offline
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What was your inspiration for this, if I may ask? It seems like there's a lost attitude in it, but I'm not sure where it's coming from. The strongest line to me was "A cloth can blind the most open eyes and make them hateful." That was pretty cool. Good flow to the piece. Very oceanlike rhythm.
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-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!
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  #3  
Old 2006-03-16, 07:18
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Infinity Infinity is offline
Life is pain.
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I liked the last line

Inspiration just the same as always relationship issues not only bf/gf though parents aswell

I just like writing about emotional trauma that way
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  #4  
Old 2006-03-16, 08:44
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L,B'XXX L,B'XXX is offline
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I think it was the last line that threw me off because of the "next to my home" part. It sounds a bit like a wordier version of what I wrote a few days ago that was similar to your style. Not in a bad way, but just different.
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My eldest son's bipolar website: www.bipolarmanifesto.com

-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!
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  #5  
Old 2006-03-16, 08:51
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Infinity Infinity is offline
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Location: Australia
Posts: 4,510
Well it has a direct relationship to a frequently used cliche/expression... .try working it out
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  #6  
Old 2006-03-16, 15:33
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Infinity
I liked the last line

Inspiration just the same as always relationship issues not only bf/gf though parents aswell

I just like writing about emotional trauma that way



I was picking up something of that effect. A couple of my pieces had been inspired from such. Not boy friend, girlfriend, but parents and friend issues, and work "buddies."

Quote:
Originally Posted by Infinity
How can I better
Whats already said best?
Barren... Desolate... Abandoned...
Paranoid at this recollection.


I like that set of lines. Mostly the last line. Reminds me of alot of .... similar feelings if you will.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Darko
...Its very annoying to keep having to hear some socially-disabled teen come on these boards talking about all the drugs he's started doing so that he can maybe grasp onto some kind of positive response so he feels better about himself and what he's doing.
About requiem. Aint it the truth...
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