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  #1  
Old 2006-06-04, 22:46
Otiz Otiz is offline
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Avarice

I'm not one for sharing such things as my lyrics with anyone outside my band although I'm stubborn to show even them bastards the lyrics. But I just thought fuck it.
Looking for some criticism and/or advice. The music's technical progressive death/thrash/fuckelse metal.

-
I am Macabre
I am Avarice

Before me there was peace, there was communion.
Then I arrived, spreading my malovelent force.
I am the reason for the original murder.

Throughout the throngs of men brutality emerged.
The only way for fellowship was symbiotic hate.
Once they realized this fire in their chests was me,
eradication begun. I can not be quenched.

(chorus)
I brought cupidity.
Souls would covet.
I brought gluttony and lewdness.
Souls would aphyxiate.
Aphyxiate!

I have spawned many evil deeds. There is not a soul without me.
The only way for fellowship was symbiotic hate.
In time they have adapted to it. Made it their own.
This world is infested and in their tongue I'm named Greed.

(chorus)
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  #2  
Old 2006-06-05, 09:30
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tmfreak tmfreak is offline
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I liked this song. A little different in style from whats usually posted. But i like the angle that it is taken from. Songs like this get my attention a little better. Pretty deciently written. imo
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Originally Posted by Darko
...Its very annoying to keep having to hear some socially-disabled teen come on these boards talking about all the drugs he's started doing so that he can maybe grasp onto some kind of positive response so he feels better about himself and what he's doing.
About requiem. Aint it the truth...
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  #3  
Old 2006-06-09, 09:39
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Unanything Unanything is offline
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I like this a lot.
Has an abstract angle, like in the personifying of avarice as the protagonist. The metaphors make the different abstract bits seem like solid, corporeal objects or events. That is a show of skill.
One mild dislike of my own is using metaphors like "I am the fire that cannot be extinguished". To me, they are a poor show. I would only use that in a situation where I am trying to say that I am truly an exception, something that is breaking the rules. And even there, I would use repititon of rule-breaking metaphors in the text's other contexts to show that.

Good though, and intelligently written. Good vocab'. Reminds of Meshuggah's Contradictions Collapse.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fatdanny
Also, check out Autopsy, the vocalist sounds like hes about to eat your grandmother while fucking you in the eye. Brutal.


Quote:
Originally Posted by floridadude
I coated the end of a toothpick with Satan's blood and simply wiped it across the top of an omelet. PERFECT!
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  #4  
Old 2006-06-09, 09:47
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tmfreak tmfreak is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Unanything
I like this a lot.
Has an abstract angle, like in the personifying of avarice as the protagonist. The metaphors make the different abstract bits seem like solid, corporeal objects or events. That is a show of skill.
One mild dislike of my own is using metaphors like "I am the fire that cannot be extinguished". To me, they are a poor show. I would only use that in a situation where I am trying to say that I am truly an exception, something that is breaking the rules. And even there, I would use repititon of rule-breaking metaphors in the text's other contexts to show that.

Good though, and intelligently written. Good vocab'. Reminds of Meshuggah's Contradictions Collapse.



You know whats funny i thought about you the entire time i read it haha.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Darko
...Its very annoying to keep having to hear some socially-disabled teen come on these boards talking about all the drugs he's started doing so that he can maybe grasp onto some kind of positive response so he feels better about himself and what he's doing.
About requiem. Aint it the truth...
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  #5  
Old 2006-06-09, 12:57
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Unanything Unanything is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tmfreak
You know whats funny i thought about you the entire time i read it haha.


Really? Oh shucks...
I'm flattered.

It is quite to my style I suppose.
I myself can see the differences though.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fatdanny
Also, check out Autopsy, the vocalist sounds like hes about to eat your grandmother while fucking you in the eye. Brutal.


Quote:
Originally Posted by floridadude
I coated the end of a toothpick with Satan's blood and simply wiped it across the top of an omelet. PERFECT!
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  #6  
Old 2006-06-11, 12:04
Otiz Otiz is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Unanything
One mild dislike of my own is using metaphors like "I am the fire that cannot be extinguished". To me, they are a poor show. I would only use that in a situation where I am trying to say that I am truly an exception, something that is breaking the rules. And even there, I would use repititon of rule-breaking metaphors in the text's other contexts to show that.

True enough but I don't like repeating myself.

I repeat myself when under stress.
I repeat myself when under stress.
I repeat myself when under stress.
I repeat myself when under stress.
I repeat
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  #7  
Old 2006-06-20, 13:32
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Unanything Unanything is offline
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Repitition as in the language technique.
Repitition as in the language technique.
Repitition as in the language technique.
Repitition as in the language technique.
Repitition as in the language technique.
Repitition as in the language technique.
Repitition as in the language technique.
Repitition as in the language technique.
Repitition as in the language technique.
Repitition as in the language technique,
fool.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fatdanny
Also, check out Autopsy, the vocalist sounds like hes about to eat your grandmother while fucking you in the eye. Brutal.


Quote:
Originally Posted by floridadude
I coated the end of a toothpick with Satan's blood and simply wiped it across the top of an omelet. PERFECT!
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  #8  
Old 2006-06-20, 13:59
PST 88 PST 88 is offline
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He does repeat the idea, and it's not simply rule-breaking. Try again.
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