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  #1  
Old 2005-12-25, 16:40
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Brutur Brutur is offline
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light

Even in the darkest room,
A never ending light fights the deep blackish fog,
To give a presumption of what lies in the unknown.

The extension of the light,
Brings awareness of what one will deceive.
Though, knowing before what is in the room,
Makes the light irrelevant.

The answers of all questions,
Are given through senses other than seeing.

We can wait,
Till the light has successfully fought the darkness,
Or we can choose to make use of our senses and feelings,
And obtain awareness without making use of the light.

We become our own light.

We are Light.


---------------------------

Something happened in my life, which is too serious to be posted in here...
anyways, thats the reason for me writing this poem/philosophical text.
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  #2  
Old 2005-12-25, 17:08
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is light the standard symbol for good and religion? i liked it
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  #3  
Old 2005-12-25, 17:15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Transient
is light the standard symbol for good and religion? i liked it


No, the light represents the future and the "right" path to fulfillment.
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"Without corpses
there's no War
and without War
there's no Victory
My Dear!"
- by Devil Doll (The Girl who was... Death)

"In an Insane World,
an Insane Man,
MUST appear Insane,"
- Alien 3
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  #4  
Old 2005-12-25, 18:57
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well it works both ways

im going to ask you the same thing i asked someone else, why is it that you write in english and not in your native language?
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  #5  
Old 2005-12-25, 19:33
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Transient
well it works both ways

im going to ask you the same thing i asked someone else, why is it that you write in english and not in your native language?


well, let's say, I never really read literature in german... I read every book in english, because english is a much easier, though also a much broader language than german... there are more words to express certain feelings, objects, happenings and so on.. I feel more free using english, than being governed by grammatic, which doesn't really make sense....

ok ^^ all mistakes you see there are because of the nice red wine bottles that lie next to me...
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"Without corpses
there's no War
and without War
there's no Victory
My Dear!"
- by Devil Doll (The Girl who was... Death)

"In an Insane World,
an Insane Man,
MUST appear Insane,"
- Alien 3
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  #6  
Old 2005-12-26, 18:22
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Tranny, if someone wrote in another language here do you think they would get very many comments on their piece? I can see doing it on a board of another language, but if it's basically a board in English it's rather a waste of time to post it. If I posted a lyric in Chippewa or something it wouldn't get anything productive at all unless someone spoke that. And I picked that because I haven't noticed anyone speaking any Native American languages here. I've read translations of some original pieces and they really lose a lot in translation sometimes.

My neighbor is a music teacher and she's a trained singer. She read something of her son's to her husband that was in Japanese. She pronounced everything right according to her son, but she had no idea what she was saying. She can read many languages from singing for 30 years, but that doesn't mean she knows what she's saying all the time. It would be the same here.

I kind of liked this because it has a couple different ways to interpret it.
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-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
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  #7  
Old 2005-12-28, 05:33
PST 88 PST 88 is offline
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Keep the long, pointless stories in Chit Chat, Bobbi. That's the place for rambling non-sequitors and general bullshit. This is the place for lyrics, poetry, and constructive criticism of both, not random stories you free associate from somebody else's post. Expect a sticky thread to be posted to this effect.

Interesting as usual, Brutur. One thing: explain the use of 'deceive' in the second line of the second stanza. It makes some sense as is, but slight changes might make more sense depending on what it is you're trying to say.
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  #8  
Old 2005-12-28, 08:02
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So why didn't you say something about Tranny commenting about the language of the post? Whatever.
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-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!
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  #9  
Old 2005-12-28, 12:02
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yes only a few germans here would understand but this isnt the only poetry forum on the internet
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  #10  
Old 2005-12-28, 15:26
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Oh yeah, Tranny, I understand where you're coming from. If it is in both languages it might be interesting for those that can read or speak the other language to see both.
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My eldest son's bipolar website: www.bipolarmanifesto.com

-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!
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  #11  
Old 2005-12-28, 18:00
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Instead of getting feedback, people just discuss their unreasonable problems in here... I guess I won't post any more stuff on this forum....
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"Without corpses
there's no War
and without War
there's no Victory
My Dear!"
- by Devil Doll (The Girl who was... Death)

"In an Insane World,
an Insane Man,
MUST appear Insane,"
- Alien 3
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  #12  
Old 2005-12-28, 18:53
PST 88 PST 88 is offline
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Tranny had a question specifically about choices Brutur makes while writing. If you can't see the difference between that and your story about the music teacher you really have a problem.

Brutur, that's exactly what I intend to get rid of. I'll give you more feedback if you answer my question.
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  #13  
Old 2005-12-28, 20:23
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PST 88
Interesting as usual, Brutur. One thing: explain the use of 'deceive' in the second line of the second stanza. It makes some sense as is, but slight changes might make more sense depending on what it is you're trying to say.


Hmm as I take a more detailed look on the word “deceive”, I recognize that it doesn’t really fit in there. So, a better word would be “perceive”. Though deceive is more of a misleading perception, and it doesn’t make sense it the context.

What do you think about the last line
"we are Light"

is there a better way to express it? because in this way it is more understood in the context of weight, and not the light itself.
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"Without corpses
there's no War
and without War
there's no Victory
My Dear!"
- by Devil Doll (The Girl who was... Death)

"In an Insane World,
an Insane Man,
MUST appear Insane,"
- Alien 3

Last edited by Brutur : 2005-12-28 at 20:33.
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  #14  
Old 2005-12-29, 13:19
PST 88 PST 88 is offline
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I was wondering if you wanted to keep the concept of deception in there, in which case you'd have to reword the line.

As for the final line, Light, capitalized like that, always refers to light, in the optical sense, as a metaphorical/metaphysical concept. If you want it to refer more clearly to lightness (to 'we are light (having lost our burden)' rather than 'we are (one with the) light'), the only thing I'd suggest is to make the l lower case. There's still some ambiguity, and actually more than if you had capitalized that letter, as that effectively closes the door to one interpretation.
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  #15  
Old 2005-12-29, 18:18
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damn brutur, dont quit because i asked a slightly off topic question!

keep posting your stuff, i like it
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  #16  
Old 2005-12-29, 18:56
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PST 88
There's still some ambiguity, and actually more than if you had capitalized that letter, as that effectively closes the door to one interpretation.


I don't quite get you... My intention was that the poem has a certain amount of ambiguity, because this opens the door for free interpretation. I wanted to create a poem, in which my interpretation is not important... Everybody should be able to read this poem, and be free to make their own choice, of what is meant by it....

^ if that is, what you asked....

Quote:
Originally Posted by Transient
damn brutur, dont quit because i asked a slightly off topic question!

keep posting your stuff, i like it


Your question was not the problem at all! I would have asked the same someone else.... but lets not go deeper into the reasons why I wanted to quit... I see improvements here, now I get good feedback... there is all what I want

Thank you for your interest in my work...
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"Without corpses
there's no War
and without War
there's no Victory
My Dear!"
- by Devil Doll (The Girl who was... Death)

"In an Insane World,
an Insane Man,
MUST appear Insane,"
- Alien 3
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  #17  
Old 2005-12-30, 00:44
PST 88 PST 88 is offline
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What I meant was that, with regard to that particular line, there is an ambiguity as to the meaning of 'light' if you do not capitalize it. Since, based on your earlier comment, you seem to want that ambiguity, I would suggest you not capitalize 'light.' The poem as a whole will be ambiguous either way.
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  #18  
Old 2005-12-30, 09:23
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PST 88
What I meant was that, with regard to that particular line, there is an ambiguity as to the meaning of 'light' if you do not capitalize it. Since, based on your earlier comment, you seem to want that ambiguity, I would suggest you not capitalize 'light.' The poem as a whole will be ambiguous either way.


ah, I get you... ok, thanks
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"Without corpses
there's no War
and without War
there's no Victory
My Dear!"
- by Devil Doll (The Girl who was... Death)

"In an Insane World,
an Insane Man,
MUST appear Insane,"
- Alien 3
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