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  #1  
Old 2005-11-29, 22:19
7-string warlord's Avatar
7-string warlord 7-string warlord is offline
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some not-so-BM lyrics

I usually do Black metal stuff but my mind was at a different place, it's not as abstract.

My prescence shrouded in the darkness,
of shadows casted by neglect.
I feel exausted by this starkness,
while upon my life I reflect.

Looking back I could never see a day,
when I was happy to hold back.
Keep away all my enmity so I,
would'nt beat you down.

CHORUS:
I swallow the pain with aborance,
as I try to embrace the decadence.
And once i've made you pay penance,
they'll never find the pieces.
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  #2  
Old 2005-11-30, 01:08
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The first verse sounds very black metal.

I really like it though, it could make a really good song. Thumbs up
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  #3  
Old 2005-11-30, 11:10
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Just 2 things, In the second line "cast" instead of casted. Casted isn't a word according to the online dictionary. And it right spelling is "abhorrence."

Small things, I know, but sometimes little things like that can really change a song. Not so much in this case, but that's the only thing I could see wrong. It had good balance of thought. I liked the structure and I think it would make a pretty cool song.

Nice job.
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  #4  
Old 2005-12-22, 00:56
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casted was a word in Elizabethan times, if this is for a black metal song, then and old feeling is appropriate. Fuck the online dictionary.
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