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  #1  
Old 2005-11-26, 08:23
L,B'XXX's Avatar
L,B'XXX L,B'XXX is offline
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Last Words Written

Inspired after reading and commenting on estringrev's recent post here. Metal piece. Thanks for reading. I'm back to dividing up my posts again. I don't understand why that happens here at all, but oh well. The piece is in the first 2 posts of this thread.

" Last Words Written "

Barely able to grasp a breath yet preservation of the moment calls
Obstructed collisions between my human desire and unearthly shift
Feeling of bitter blue-nailed winter even as the sun shines
Gently gripped between fingers I write this at the end

Intent on history, my own, at the present time
To freeze it in words as long as the words will be
What is really going on around me
I can't tell fact from fantasy
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  #2  
Old 2005-11-26, 08:24
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L,B'XXX L,B'XXX is offline
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The chorus in my head signals a new age
Can you hear them or is it private, just for me
Faces through the ages come before me
And speak to me of what forever holds

(break, very heavy)
Of all the things that last moments bring to mind
A literary composition is my mindset
The last note of my song in this world
It's the last piece of life for me

(chorus, also heavy)
Time to go now
Time to go now
Time to go now
Pass on by
Time to go now
Time to go now
Finalized and finished

I close my eyes

BJH
11/26/2005
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My eldest son's bipolar website: www.bipolarmanifesto.com

-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!
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  #3  
Old 2005-11-26, 13:50
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estringrev estringrev is offline
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simply wow I really like it and feel honored that I could inspire you to write something that good. Can't offer any feedback really. I'm defintely no writing expert and I'm going to have to read over it again.
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  #4  
Old 2005-11-26, 17:58
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Thank you. I do appreciate it. I'm just an amateur like everone else. It hits me now and then. If your piece hadn't had what it had I wouldn't have gotten this one so that's pretty cool, too.
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My eldest son's bipolar website: www.bipolarmanifesto.com

-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!
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  #5  
Old 2005-11-28, 03:37
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Amadeus Amadeus is offline
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It's not really the same style, but this, I believe, could have slipped in somewhere among Holopainen's lyrics.
To catch those single moments of importance and descibe them in words without becoming silly or cheesy is not the easiest of things. But I like the way you build up to the end without tedious repetition and manages to develop the theme without losing track of what it is about.
I'm not sure how you intend to put the first verse to music, but it shouldn't be impossible to make a decent metal song with these lyrics.
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  #6  
Old 2005-11-28, 07:28
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L,B'XXX L,B'XXX is offline
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The first verse I hear more subdued with almost the same tone with a bit of change right at the end of the line to kep it from getting monotonous. The 2nd and 3rd verses possibly more heavy and faster tempoed. The break slowed down, but very heavy. The chorus faster paced almost panicked sounding and the last line drawn out.
Heck, it might not sound bad growled. I'm listening to Vehemence right now. lol

Thank you for all the comments. I'm off to research who Holopainen is now.
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My eldest son's bipolar website: www.bipolarmanifesto.com

-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!
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