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  #1  
Old 2005-11-04, 17:44
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"Free Will"

Just some prose I wrote. I'm looking to get it published.

http://hsa.albertlea.k12.mn.us/kissme/free_will.htm
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  #2  
Old 2005-11-05, 09:08
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great ending. i really got into that
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by mrs. malicious
someone's a little behind

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-grindcore (featuring newHELLonEARTH)- Krossa
-"Neo-Classical Heathen Folk"- Ellylldan
-experimental/middle eastern themed/folk/ambient- Soft Temple
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  #3  
Old 2005-11-06, 07:27
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I read the first chapter yesterday, but you know me with my darned ole headaches. It was a nuisance so I came back with the intention of just reading a chapter and read the whole thing. It wasn't something I'd normally pick out for myself to read, but it was interesting thinking of the reasons why they were in the positions they were in.

How did you come up with the idea for this? It's a little bit different than that other piece I'd read of yours. lol

Flow, wording, and all that were fine to me.
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-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!
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  #4  
Old 2005-11-06, 13:09
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Well written and a good, tasteful approach to the subject; a touch of Hemingway. Do you intend to publish it as a short story, or is it meant for the stage? And while asking that, I wondered of I could I use this piece with some of my students? It would be a downright perfect training object.
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"Imagination is more important than intelligence" - Einstein
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  #5  
Old 2005-11-07, 05:47
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Yo if you's like this and the dude that wrote it you'd like some shit I got next time your on ask for it!
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  #6  
Old 2005-11-11, 20:28
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that was amazing. you should definitely get that published. i wish i had as much as an insightful imagination as you do.
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  #7  
Old 2006-02-06, 21:23
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Whoa...forgot I posted this. Yeah Amadeus you can use it for your students if you still wish to. Just give credit where it's due.

Whether it is meant for stage or short story glory I'm not sure.

I'd also like to know which character you liked the most and why.

Sorry for bringing this back to the front page, but I'm looking to revise it soon, now that I actually have time to write again.

Sincerest apologies and thanks for the comments.
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  #8  
Old 2006-02-06, 21:26
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Hmm, I worry about him. He's using your stories and my lyrics. That's scary.
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My eldest son's bipolar website: www.bipolarmanifesto.com

-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!
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  #9  
Old 2006-02-06, 21:27
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Or erotic depending on your point of view
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  #10  
Old 2006-02-06, 22:17
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Now that's REALLY scary! Given what he wanted to use that I wrote. haha
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My eldest son's bipolar website: www.bipolarmanifesto.com

-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!
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  #11  
Old 2006-02-06, 22:39
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Now I am creeped out.

Does Amadeus even come around anymore? Hmm...If not, maybe other people will give feedback. I hate getting the "Oh, it's great! Simply amazing!" feedback. It doesn't help at all.
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  #12  
Old 2006-02-07, 08:13
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Yeah, occasionally. I saw him on a couple days ago, but didn't get to talk to him. we did quite a bit before Christmas. Send him a pm if you want something specific so he'll see it when he comes back. He's probably dancing or brush hogging trees again.

Sometimes those positive remarks are all you have to go on if something is good or well liked. I know it's hard to get technical replies to things and unless it's something really blatant I miss things like that.

Speaking of publishing.....
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My eldest son's bipolar website: www.bipolarmanifesto.com

-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!
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  #13  
Old 2006-02-07, 11:35
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i find if amazing that you wrote this, then you wrote a poem on your crotch. you are definitely a jack of all trades

oh and you dont like good feedback...ok, the story is horrible. write another one thats better (seriously man write another one) and post it!
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  #14  
Old 2006-02-07, 16:52
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cw4119
i find if amazing that you wrote this, then you wrote a poem on your crotch. you are definitely a jack of all trades

oh and you dont like good feedback...ok, the story is horrible. write another one thats better (seriously man write another one) and post it!

Can I count you in my fanclub? I love you. Honestly. Now are you saying I should write another story or another poem about my crotch?
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  #15  
Old 2006-02-08, 11:12
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lol no more crotch poems please tulvox

just another short story
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