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  #1  
Old 2006-02-07, 18:41
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Reciprocation

Quieter in the first 2 verses and then all hell can break loose. Thanks for reading.

" Reciprocation "

Cancer fills these limbs
Withering more as the mind grows clearer
Lapsing below the horizontal line
Dropping off the wall
Slow motion fall from up above

Escalated into Heaven
Only to collapse it when the truth becomes known
Slipped back into time
Caught off guard and blamed with pointed finger
Who was master, who was the ruler

Do you think that it's been easy
To hear all the things that I learned
The play, deceit, the unemotional sacrifices
Only to feel burned
Only to feel burned

Taken away, something sweet in the process
Removed trust for no reason at all
Playing a martyr, playing a fool
Twisting the rope to try to strangle slowly

Who's struggle was harder?
Who's fear more hidden?
Who held the controls and steered into a storm?
Don't try to talk me into believing what you think I should
You aren't going to do it and I won't break down
I know I can't break you, but I won't break down

Lost whispers inside
Tossed whispers away
I walk away

BJH
2/7/2006
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My eldest son's bipolar website: www.bipolarmanifesto.com

-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!

Last edited by L,B'XXX : 2006-02-07 at 19:17.
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  #2  
Old 2006-02-07, 19:13
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Tulvox Tulvox is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by L,B'XXX
Lapsing below the horizonal line

The play, deceipt, the unemotional sacrifices


I think the word you are looking for is horizontal.

And I'm not quite sure deceipt is a word.

Otherwise, I like the idea of fighting away from the control of another, both literally and metaphorically.

You've got a hit on your hands Bobbi, this is probably the most metal song you've ever written.
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  #3  
Old 2006-02-07, 19:20
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I should have had you proof read it before I posted it. Those 2 words are 2 I don't spell right sometimes. I should double check them. Thanks very much.

And thanks for the comments, too. Glad you approved. You got the idea of the piece.

Now it's your turn.
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My eldest son's bipolar website: www.bipolarmanifesto.com

-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!
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  #4  
Old 2006-02-07, 19:41
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If I had proof read it, then I wouldn't have needed to post here now would I?
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  #5  
Old 2006-02-07, 20:25
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I guess you have a point. Some people do anyways, but it's not really necessary.
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My eldest son's bipolar website: www.bipolarmanifesto.com

-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!
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  #6  
Old 2006-02-07, 23:20
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tulvox
I think the word you are looking for is horizontal.

And I'm not quite sure deceipt is a word.

Otherwise, I like the idea of fighting away from the control of another, both literally and metaphorically.

You've got a hit on your hands Bobbi, this is probably the most metal song you've ever written.




I'll agree with that one. I could definately feel the metal in it. Definately a seemingly fast moving song. I really liked that. Kinda reminds me of a few topics i've expressed before.
I liked the word usage. I often wish i could be more.... descriptive using words, but somethings i just think in my case spelling it out a lil more plainly gets what i want accomplished. INstead of trying to confuse others because of my lack of coherent phrases.
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Originally Posted by Darko
...Its very annoying to keep having to hear some socially-disabled teen come on these boards talking about all the drugs he's started doing so that he can maybe grasp onto some kind of positive response so he feels better about himself and what he's doing.
About requiem. Aint it the truth...
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  #7  
Old 2006-02-08, 09:18
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Thank you. Do you think that when you write you're writing more the way you're thinking it in your head than how you'd speak the idea out loud to someone else? Sometimes thoughts are more broken structured than speech woud be. Maybe pretending like you're telling your thoughts over the phone or something like that would improve your descriptions so you'd be happier with them. Or maybe you do get your points across and you're just being your own worst critique. Some people aren't satisfied with their own writing very often. I've had to learn that in some instances. Places like this are good to get input and be proofread by someone else.
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My eldest son's bipolar website: www.bipolarmanifesto.com

-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!
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  #8  
Old 2006-02-08, 11:48
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When I present my lyrical ideas to Eli, I always sing it to him, in the way that the melody was in my head when I wrote it. (Jesus that is a run-on sentence.) And tell him what the riffs were like and we go from there.
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  #9  
Old 2006-02-08, 15:07
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L,B'XXX L,B'XXX is offline
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I've never really collaborated on much since high school. And never with anything recent really. It would be fun I'm sure.
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My eldest son's bipolar website: www.bipolarmanifesto.com

-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!
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  #10  
Old 2006-02-08, 17:53
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You should start a band Bobbi. You play guitar, and the old folk's home needs entertainment
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  #11  
Old 2006-02-08, 18:18
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I've got some wonderfully, bittersweet memories of singing at the county home. I did one of the best solos there that I ever did with my walking partner and our friends in high school for back up. And music was one of the things I saw my grandmother respond to there a short time before she passed away. I haven't been back there since, but maybe you got something there.
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My eldest son's bipolar website: www.bipolarmanifesto.com

-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!
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