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  #1  
Old 2005-06-12, 21:22
Infinity's Avatar
Infinity Infinity is offline
Life is pain.
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Aye Mak Sicur

I was alright for a lifetime so,
Every day brought yet another blow.
I'm so fucking hard, like a sheet of steel
I returned without a mark or scar to reveal.
With persona battered and a mind so sharp,
No feelings left in this stone heart.
Like a plain white collumn in an all white room,
I could go on forever, observing with gloom.

Then it all changed and this existence denied,
I was tricked to love by a witch with human hide.
Little did I know that she'd open my eyes,
Down upon me fell the blood red skies.
Disguised as my light but stolen away,
Dispair and regret, confused in dismay.
I wondered why you suddenly went out,
Darkness pervades and my head filled with doubt.

I couldn't believe I was tricked again.
My life was fucked up and trashed, but then -
I packed it up like I have many before,
To my body and soul I close the door.
To those in the room with an all white disguise,
I don't expect you to empathize.
To those yet to make the mistake I did so,
Learn from the man with a heart made of stone.

Last edited by Infinity : 2005-06-13 at 00:42.
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  #2  
Old 2005-06-13, 00:24
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Tulvox Tulvox is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Infinity
.
I'm so fucking hard, like a sheet of steel.


I found the true meaning! Do I get a prize?

I think you might have meant "which" instead of "witch". Had a good flow and rhythm. Seems like you were getting something off your chest.
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  #3  
Old 2005-06-13, 19:12
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L,B'XXX L,B'XXX is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tulvox
I found the true meaning! Do I get a prize?

I think you might have meant "which" instead of "witch". Had a good flow and rhythm. Seems like you were getting something off your chest.



You're high, dude. j/k How could he mean "which" there used the way the sentence is phrased? It wouldn't make sense then.
I thought it sounded really cool. I liked all the imagery you had and it was balanced well. Great meter to it, too. It would be cool to recite this with a musical backdrop.
Nice job. Very enjoyable.
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  #4  
Old 2005-06-14, 05:47
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its good, but doesnt anyone here right choruses?
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  #5  
Old 2005-06-14, 12:41
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I find it hard to write choruses that aren't cheesy. L,B'XXX wrote something with a chorus a while back.
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