MetalTabs.com - your source for Metal tabs
Home Forum What's New Submit a Tab FAQ Links Contact Us Link to Us


Go Back   MetalTabs.com Forum > Metal > Poetry Lyrical
User Name
Password


Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Rate Thread
  #1  
Old 2005-04-25, 02:33
BrokenCrimson's Avatar
BrokenCrimson BrokenCrimson is offline
Post-whore
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Brisbane, Australia.
Posts: 1,023
Send a message via AIM to BrokenCrimson Send a message via MSN to BrokenCrimson Send a message via Yahoo to BrokenCrimson
Time And Place

I've been told there's a time and a place
And I've wandered down so many ways
Looking for that place
and spent eternity waiting for that time...
I'm not sure that I can bleed anymore.

I was born with my head full of clouds
and my heart, half incomplete,
and they still told me
the place and time will come
Yet, my face is not my own anymore.

Close your eyes and listen to this sound
It's the sound of a soul dying away
A wilthered wanderer
Savagely severed from the world
This light is falling down on empty eyes.

(Bridge)
Say, where are you?
Do you have a name?

...I didn't think so.

Just sit down and recollect the days
and collect the shreds of all that
happened in the past
See, you do have something in your hands
This ash will keep me company.

Meh...
__________________
I <3 12 year olds.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 2005-04-25, 06:56
Bia's Avatar
Bia Bia is offline
Muffin Ass
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Sugar Britches
Posts: 2,340
Beautiful...absolutley.

I have a friend....this seems exactly like something she would say/feel

Thanks for sharing
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 2005-04-25, 09:11
L,B'XXX's Avatar
L,B'XXX L,B'XXX is offline
dsnt trust ne1 < 30
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Home is where the <3 is
Posts: 8,868
Send a message via ICQ to L,B'XXX Send a message via AIM to L,B'XXX Send a message via Yahoo to L,B'XXX
It really didn't do much for me. It didn't seem to have some of the uniqueness that some of your other pieces have, but that's okay. I'm only one opinion. It seemed to have too much basic emo in it and not a lot of passion.

I've been told there's a time and a place
And I've wandered down so many ways
Looking for that place (pretty close to have the 'place' rep. Maybe change this one to 'space' and you'll have an alliteration with spent in the next line, too)
and spent eternity waiting for that time...
I'm not sure that I can bleed anymore. (bleed? That word is getting to be like "decay, abyss, and a few others that make my skin crawl in the wrong way. That's just me though.Maybe because bleed and bleat sound so similar that in a piece that sounds emo to me they interchange.I dunno.)

I was born with my head full of clouds
and my heart, half incomplete,
and they still told me
the place and time will come
Yet, my face is not my own anymore. (It's not bad, but very borderline.)

Close your eyes and listen to this sound
It's the sound of a soul dying away
A wilthered wanderer ( I hope that's a typo there. Don't know that word if it isn't and too lazy right now to look it up!)
Savagely severed from the world ( I liked the 'w' and then the 's' alliteration. That was cool.)
This light is falling down on empty eyes.

(Bridge)
Say, where are you?
Do you have a name?

...I didn't think so. (Bridge and this line could have a lot of different musical structures. I liked the bluntness.)

Just sit down and recollect the days
and collect the shreds of all that
happened in the past
See, you do have something in your hands
This ash will keep me company. (This verse sort of confused me with the ash. What is the ash from a cremation or burnt paper? It could be a lot of things. Just curious about that.)

Meh... (metaltabs word for amen. lol)
__________________
My eldest son's bipolar website: www.bipolarmanifesto.com

-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 2005-04-25, 12:27
Bia's Avatar
Bia Bia is offline
Muffin Ass
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Sugar Britches
Posts: 2,340
Quote:
Originally Posted by L,B'XXX

See, you do have something in your hands
This ash will keep me company. (This verse sort of confused me with the ash. What is the ash from a cremation or burnt paper? It could be a lot of things. Just curious about that.)

To me...that made me imagine the remnants of all that were....but are no longer.
Like a trace but empty.....a reminder of what was but will never be the same.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 2005-04-25, 14:56
L,B'XXX's Avatar
L,B'XXX L,B'XXX is offline
dsnt trust ne1 < 30
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Home is where the <3 is
Posts: 8,868
Send a message via ICQ to L,B'XXX Send a message via AIM to L,B'XXX Send a message via Yahoo to L,B'XXX
Bia-- I bet you're right. I think I was thinking too concert.
__________________
My eldest son's bipolar website: www.bipolarmanifesto.com

-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 2005-04-25, 15:18
blizzard_beast blizzard_beast is offline
Post-whore
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 4,723
I like it BrokenCrimson. The only thing I didn't like was the repetitiveness in the first stanza (and a small bit in the second), but overall, pretty good.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 2005-04-26, 01:48
BrokenCrimson's Avatar
BrokenCrimson BrokenCrimson is offline
Post-whore
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Brisbane, Australia.
Posts: 1,023
Send a message via AIM to BrokenCrimson Send a message via MSN to BrokenCrimson Send a message via Yahoo to BrokenCrimson
I don't like a lot of it, I could salvage the bones and fix it again, but I am pretty happy with the repetitions in the first stanza myself, I'm not sure why. The ash, yeah, Bia was right, it wasn't specific ash, just ash. The bridge is spoken, I should have noted that I guess...

Wilthered = withered... I spelt it phonetically.

At 17, I have had a few bouts of midlife crises already so that's what inspired it.
__________________
I <3 12 year olds.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 2005-04-26, 09:54
L,B'XXX's Avatar
L,B'XXX L,B'XXX is offline
dsnt trust ne1 < 30
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Home is where the <3 is
Posts: 8,868
Send a message via ICQ to L,B'XXX Send a message via AIM to L,B'XXX Send a message via Yahoo to L,B'XXX
The clue to not having midlife crisis is to not get old. You might have an occasional growing pain, but they usually don't hang around long.
Hey, if you like the reps, that's what matters. It's your piece to do with whatever your heart desires. That's cool.
Thanks for the explanations.
__________________
My eldest son's bipolar website: www.bipolarmanifesto.com

-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 2005-04-26, 11:22
Bia's Avatar
Bia Bia is offline
Muffin Ass
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Sugar Britches
Posts: 2,340
The friend I refered to that this reminded me of.....she herself has had loads of crisis and is only 18.
Her soul however seems 100's of years old....very deep....very dark.
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 2005-04-26, 13:16
Rapture's Avatar
Rapture Rapture is offline
The Stings of Conscience
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Lutz, FL
Posts: 2,245
Send a message via AIM to Rapture
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bia
The friend I refered to that this reminded me of.....she herself has had loads of crisis and is only 18.
Her soul however seems 100's of years old....very deep....very dark.


Thats the stupidest shit ive ever heard. Go stick your head in a freezer.
Reply With Quote
  #11  
Old 2005-04-26, 13:35
blizzard_beast blizzard_beast is offline
Post-whore
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 4,723
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bia
The friend I refered to that this reminded me of.....she herself has had loads of crisis and is only 18.
Her soul however seems 100's of years old....very deep....very dark.


There's only one way to describe that. It's not dark, moody, broody. It's called teenage angst. She's not special, she's just going through the same shit I think almost everyone goes through before they hit their twenties. I don't have experience on my side.

How is she "deep and very dark" ?

Last edited by blizzard_beast : 2005-04-26 at 13:37.
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 2005-04-26, 14:01
Bia's Avatar
Bia Bia is offline
Muffin Ass
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Sugar Britches
Posts: 2,340
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rapture
Thats the stupidest shit ive ever heard. Go stick your head in a freezer.

Why do you do this...please stop flamming me outside RTT.
Please?

Quote:
Originally Posted by blizzard_beast
There's only one way to describe that. It's not dark, moody, broody. It's called teenage angst. She's not special, she's just going through the same shit I think almost everyone goes through before they hit their twenties. I don't have experience on my side.

How is she "deep and very dark" ?

I know my brief description sounded trite...and can understand how it can be viewed that way.
I wont go into detail but let me assure you she for the most part lived a life of brutal torture and severe neglect and spent her entire youth being betrayed by her mother and the things her mother allowed to be done to her by some very debaucherous people.

I never said she was "special"
Just a friend.
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 2005-04-26, 14:04
blizzard_beast blizzard_beast is offline
Post-whore
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 4,723
Ah ok then, it's just in the way you phrased it, you made her sound like the other one-million-and-one "troubled" kids.

Oh and the "special" comment, I guess I read into it a bit too much.
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 2005-04-26, 14:14
Bia's Avatar
Bia Bia is offline
Muffin Ass
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Sugar Britches
Posts: 2,340
Quote:
Originally Posted by blizzard_beast
Ah ok then, it's just in the way you phrased it, you made her sound like the other one-million-and-one "troubled" kids.

Oh and the "special" comment, I guess I read into it a bit too much.

It's cool....but that's what happens when we assume...
I have never doubted anything you have said or assumed anything otherwise.
But like I said...it's cool.

Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 2005-04-26, 15:27
Rapture's Avatar
Rapture Rapture is offline
The Stings of Conscience
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Lutz, FL
Posts: 2,245
Send a message via AIM to Rapture
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bia
please stop flamming me outside RTT.


Flamming? How exactly does one "flamm"?
Reply With Quote
  #16  
Old 2005-04-27, 07:23
BrokenCrimson's Avatar
BrokenCrimson BrokenCrimson is offline
Post-whore
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Brisbane, Australia.
Posts: 1,023
Send a message via AIM to BrokenCrimson Send a message via MSN to BrokenCrimson Send a message via Yahoo to BrokenCrimson
It's a drummer's thing when you hit the skin with two sticks at almost the same time but keep one lower so it's like a guitar grace note on a drum. It sounds like a really fast pu-chung pu-chung.
__________________
I <3 12 year olds.
Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 19:46.


========

Contact Us | Privacy Policy | Disclaimer
Copyright © 2001-2009 MetalTabs.com. All Rights Reserved.
Powered by vBulletin
Copyright ©2000 - 2009, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.