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  #21  
Old 2005-02-02, 03:58
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Zionist
* METALCORE
The protagonist swings his feet and arms about wildly, accidently knocking the dragon out. Then he storms off in an anger that someone messed up his dance routine.


actually, fuck the rest....that is perfection.
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  #22  
Old 2005-02-02, 05:28
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*BLACK METAL

The pessimist steals in on the coldest most grim and necro impaled lusting moonlit night at the hour of 12 from the coldest and highest mountain of the north, and spits the most vile and blackened incantation of perpetual hatred and perfect evil at the dragon before impaling him on the most inverted crucifix and leaving him in the grim and frostbitten forest of the lusting necronymphs. Then he comes back to the blackened looming castle of the necrowhore and sodomises her on the most inverted pentagram in the north and sacrificing her to the very evil blackened demigod of the northern moonlit pentagrams of satan's lusting impaled blackened angelic symphonic inverted evil button collection of upmost hate and perfect unholyness.
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  #23  
Old 2005-02-02, 06:48
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old stuff but still good shit
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  #24  
Old 2005-02-02, 09:55
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*METALCORE
The protagonist swings his feet and arms about wildly, accidently knocking the dragon out. Then he storms off in an anger that someone messed up his dance routine, whilst still pointing one finger in the air along to the beat in his head.


that happens alot 'here'
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  #25  
Old 2005-02-02, 10:21
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*METALCORE
The faggot lead singer arse-rapes the dragon and enjoys it thoroughly, but runs away when the princess starts hitting on him.
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  #26  
Old 2005-02-02, 12:35
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PST 88
Funny, but I think you got a few things wrong. Let's be realistic here:

* POWER METAL
The protagonist arrives riding a white unicorn, escapes from the dragon, saves the princess, and reads Tolkien to her in the enchanted forest.

* THRASH METAL
The protagonist arrives with a bottle of Jack Daniels, fights and slays the dragon, takes a scale off the dragon, sews it into his jean jacket, shows the new patch off to the princess, kills the bottle, and then passes out on top of her with his leather pants around his knees.

* VIKING METAL
The protagonist arrives in a ship, comes at the dragon with his mighty axe, stops and realizes that, as a Viking, attacking a combatant with the ability to fight back is not his forte. So he gets back into his ship, sails to the dragon's hometown, kills the dragon's wife, children, and elderly parents, steals the dragon's possessions, razes the dragon's house, and goes home happy, having forgotten about the princess entirely.

* BLACK METAL
The protagonist arrives at midnight and stands around shirtless in the forest with his axe for a while until the dragon begins to make fun of how gay he looks, so he goes home and picks up his immense stash of TNT attained to no discernible purpose, sets it up around the sleeping dragon, and blows him up. Then, forgetting about the princess, finds the nearest phone and calls the local newspaper to let them know how evil he is. He is subsequently arrested but will be back on the outside again in 2014.

Aside from that you pretty much nailed them.


You kick too much ass. They are going to start to pass ordinances limiting how much ass you're allowed to kick if you don't slow down soon.

One thing I felt was negligently forgotten in the gore metal predictions is that the gore metaller would have obviously enough come back several times over the period of 4-6 weeks to fuck the corpses. They always come back, because, while fucking a burnt, disemboweled, and battered corpse is always fun, nothing beats fucking a corpse in an advanced state of maturation. He would probably even come back occasionally after the corpse had already been skeletonized just to masturbate near or over it. I can't believe nobody picked up on this... for shame!
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  #27  
Old 2005-02-02, 12:42
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Holy shit that post by pst is goddamn hilarious
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  #28  
Old 2005-02-02, 12:42
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Advanced state of maturation. ha.
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  #29  
Old 2005-02-02, 14:10
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holy shit, man. this is some funny shit. I laughed myself to tears. I damn near hit the floor, too. I would contribute to this wonderful thread, but then it wouldn't be funny any more.
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  #30  
Old 2005-02-02, 15:10
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* HEAVY METAL
The protagonist arrives on a harley, kills the dragon, drinks a few beers
and fucks the princess.

That's really good!
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  #31  
Old 2005-02-02, 15:38
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Here's a new one

*STONER METAL

The pratagonist arrives, knocks on the castle door
and the dragon answers, the dragon pulls out
a blunt for two, the pratagonist gets baked and
forgets about saving the princess.
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Originally Posted by Requiem
Wore her out before I could finish(which im grateful for)


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  #32  
Old 2005-02-02, 16:30
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hhahahahha the doom metal one is hilarious too
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  #33  
Old 2005-02-02, 16:44
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Zionist
Here's a new one

*STONER METAL

The pratagonist arrives, knocks on the castle door
and the dragon answers, the dragon pulls out
a blunt for two, the pratagonist gets baked and
forgets about saving the princess.


*STONER METAL

The pratagonist arrives, knocks on the castle door
and the dragon answers, the dragon pulls out
a blunt for two, the stoner pratagonist has no lighter,
stoner pratagonist already being stonned asks the dragon.
Stonner pratagonist burnt.
Princess complains about pratagonist burnt-outs.
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  #34  
Old 2005-02-02, 16:48
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Haha, this concept is pretty cool, for my English creative writing coursework, I'm probably gonna do "Black Metal Fairytales". Yeah, that'd be cool.
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  #35  
Old 2005-02-02, 23:49
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MyOwnSavior
* GORE METAL
...Then he fucks what is left of the carcass for the third time, burns her vagina lips together and fucks her in the ass for the last time.


I'd say he burns the pussy lips together, and thinks "Why not?", then fucks her a new hole where the pussy was. Then peels off the burnt placenta, and eats it. Then, sodomizes her with his face until his face bleeds, then enters his entire body, through the vagina, and pulls that little thing behind her throat that wiggles when she yells (i forget what its called), out of her asshole.


Anyone want to try NWOBHM or Math Metal?
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  #36  
Old 2005-02-03, 00:02
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I got the whole melting the pussylips together indea from Exhumed's "Forged in Fire (Formed By Flame)". Its a song about melting a chick's pussylips together with a blowtorch. Its one of the few songs they have with a sort of chorus.


"Forged in fire Formed by Flame
Sex will never be the same
Forged in fire Formed by Flame
You will never fuck again!"
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  #37  
Old 2005-02-03, 00:40
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Quote:
Originally Posted by YOUR_GOD_IS_DEAD
I'd say he burns the pussy lips together, and thinks "Why not?", then fucks her a new hole where the pussy was. Then peels off the burnt placenta, and eats it. Then, sodomizes her with his face until his face bleeds, then enters his entire body, through the vagina, and pulls that little thing behind her throat that wiggles when she yells (i forget what its called), out of her asshole.


Anyone want to try NWOBHM or Math Metal?



*MATHCORE/MATH METAL

the protagonist rode up on his white horse, then the dragon saw him. the math metalhead drew his sword and ran towards the dragon, then stopped. then he took two steps towards the dragon, then stopped. then he sprinted towards the dragon at a blinding pace, then stopped. then the protagonist skipped towards the dragon at a medium pace, then stopped. then he sprinted towards the dragons side then stopped. then with 10 quick jumps, stabbing each time, the dragon's head blew up because it was so confused as to the whereabouts of the protagonist.

then he sprinted non stop up to the castle, then stopped outside the door. he took out his hammer, belted the door down, then stopped. a few more stopping later, he penetrated the princess, then stopped. then he thrusted very hard and fast, then stopped. then he humped some more, then stopped. then he continued to go hard and fast like the princess wanted, then stopping. then the princesses head blew up in frustration, then stopped. then the protagonist got up and said:

"ARRRRGH.........WHAT..ADAYWHYTHEFUCK........DOESEVERY......ONES'HEAD.....BLOW!! UP!! WHEN!! I'M!! A!! ROUND!!!"
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  #38  
Old 2005-02-03, 00:50
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That perfectly described the random stop tempo changes. I thought I was the only one to notice. Funny stuff Andrew.
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  #39  
Old 2005-02-03, 00:54
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Math Metal

Protagonist rides towards the dragon in his mom's station wagon, stops in front of him, and then plays Dillinger Escape Plan until the dragon gets annoyed and decides he's rather slowlt devour himself in a raging inferno than listen to once more second of tehis abhorrent music. Feeling strangely self confident, teh protagonist goes inside to save the princess. The princess sees his striped polo shirt, dockers, and taped glasses, and laughes until teh portagonist sadly gets into his mom's station wagon and joins the dragon.
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  #40  
Old 2005-02-03, 01:00
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Anubis
Math Metal

Protagonist rides towards the dragon in his mom's station wagon, stops in front of him, and then plays Dillinger Escape Plan until the dragon gets annoyed and decides he's rather slowlt devour himself in a raging inferno than listen to once more second of tehis abhorrent music. Feeling strangely self confident, teh protagonist goes inside to save the princess. The princess sees his striped polo shirt, dockers, and taped glasses, and laughes until teh portagonist sadly gets into his mom's station wagon and joins the dragon.


no t2 hilite m yown effit, bt thaat wuz teh frist bad 1 in teh therad. ter ribl speeling 2.
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