MetalTabs.com - your source for Metal tabs
Home Forum What's New Submit a Tab FAQ Links Contact Us Link to Us


Go Back   MetalTabs.com Forum > MetalTabs.com > Chit Chat
User Name
Password


Reply
 
Thread Tools
  #1  
Old 2005-02-01, 18:56
Zionist Zionist is offline
My Ass, Your Face
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Michigan
Posts: 2,557
Send a message via AIM to Zionist
Saving the Princess Metal Style...

A protagonist comes to save a princess from a dragon!

* POWER METAL
The protagonist arrives riding a white unicorn, escapes from the dragon,
saves the princess and makes love to her in an enchanted forest.

* THRASH METAL
The protagonist arrives, fights the dragon, saves the princess and fucks her.

* HEAVY METAL
The protagonist arrives on a harley, kills the dragon, drinks a few beers
and fucks the princess.

* FOLK METAL
The protagonist arrives with some friends playing acordions, violins, flutes
and many more weird instruments, the dragon falls asleep (because of all
the dancing). Then all leave........ without the princess.

* VIKING METAL
The protagonist arrives in a ship, kills the dragon with his mighty axe,
skins the dragon and eats it, rapes the princess to death, steals her
belongings and burns the castle before leaving.

* DEATH METAL
The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon, fucks the princess and kills her,
then leaves.

* BLACK METAL
The protagonist arrives at midnight, kills the dragon and impales it in front
of the castle. Then he sodomizes the princess, drinks her blood in a ritual
before killing her. Then he impales the princess next to the dragon.

* GORE METAL
The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon and spreads his guts in front of
the castle, fucks the princess and kills her. Then he fucks the dead body
again, slashes her belly and eats her guts. Then he fucks the carcass for
the third time, burns the corpse and fucks it for the last time.

* DOOM METAL
The protagonist arrives, sees the size of the dragon and thinks he could
never beat him, then he gets depressed and commits suicide. The dragon
eats his body and the princess as dessert. That's the end of the sad story.

* PROGRESSIVE METAL
The protagonist arrives with a guitar and plays a solo of 26 minutes. The
dragon kills himself out of boredom. The protagonist arrives to the
princess' bedroom, plays another solo with all the techniques and tunes he
learned in the last year of the conservatory. The princess escapes looking
for the "HEAVY METAL" protagonist.


* NU METAL
The protagonist arrives in a run down Honda Civic and attempts to fight
the dragon but he burns to death when his moronic baggy clothes catch
fire.

* METALCORE
The protagonist swings his feet and arms about wildly, accidently knocking the dragon out. Then he storms off in an anger that someone messed up his dance routine.
__________________
A little section of Requiem's "I finally got laid" posts.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Requiem
Wore her out before I could finish(which im grateful for)


Funeral Mulch; My brutal death metal band from West Michigan.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 2005-02-01, 18:58
powersofterror's Avatar
powersofterror powersofterror is offline
I am a tax on the world..
Forum Leader
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: pizza with a shit on it!
Posts: 7,994
hahahaha, that fucking rules. Especially the heavy metal one.
__________________
Man, I get real sweaty after I wack my dong. Yeah, cause I headbang while I do, and I can't really "Jump" (haha ) like VanHalen in a dorm room, so I just walk back and forth....haha a couple days ago I was jumping up and down on my bed, with my pants down and my roommate came in when I wasn't looking, hahaha.


This is my band's page
http://www.myspace.com/ferocitydentontx
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 2005-02-01, 19:06
blizzard_beast blizzard_beast is offline
Post-whore
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 4,723
Haha, thats great, did you write that yourself?
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 2005-02-01, 19:46
ManOwaR's Avatar
ManOwaR ManOwaR is offline
Post-whore
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Iceland
Posts: 1,283
Send a message via MSN to ManOwaR
hahaha that's fucking great I like the Viking Metal and the Heavy Metal one the best
__________________
There are two kinds of peoble in this world, those who like me and those who can go to hell
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 2005-02-01, 19:54
SARS's Avatar
SARS SARS is offline
Post-whore
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Liverpool, England.
Posts: 1,485
Send a message via MSN to SARS
haha. that fuckin' rules......specially viking metal
__________________
That snatch is like a glove fit for God.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 2005-02-01, 20:13
SmotPoker's Avatar
SmotPoker SmotPoker is offline
Senior Metalhead
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Las Vegas
Posts: 454
Send a message via AIM to SmotPoker
LOL thats great.
__________________
http://www.myspace.com/dismaleclipselv
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 2005-02-01, 20:35
The Execrator's Avatar
The Execrator The Execrator is offline
Noob lud
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Upstate New Yaawwk
Posts: 3,498
lmao. I like the metalcore one the best.
__________________
9/23

Quote:
Originally Posted by Paddy
Please excuse me for I currently have a terminal erection, and the only cure is midget-cunny.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 2005-02-01, 20:36
L,B'XXX's Avatar
L,B'XXX L,B'XXX is offline
dsnt trust ne1 < 30
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Home is where the <3 is
Posts: 8,880
Send a message via ICQ to L,B'XXX Send a message via AIM to L,B'XXX Send a message via Yahoo to L,B'XXX
omg, that was so funny! the more I read the more I laughed! Prog was great! Nu Metal and Metalcore were, too.

Awesome!
__________________
My eldest son's bipolar website: www.bipolarmanifesto.com

-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 2005-02-01, 20:59
PST 88 PST 88 is offline
Forum Daemon
Forum Leader
 
Join Date: Aug 2001
Posts: 4,982
Funny, but I think you got a few things wrong. Let's be realistic here:

* POWER METAL
The protagonist arrives riding a white unicorn, escapes from the dragon, saves the princess, and reads Tolkien to her in the enchanted forest.

* THRASH METAL
The protagonist arrives with a bottle of Jack Daniels, fights and slays the dragon, takes a scale off the dragon, sews it into his jean jacket, shows the new patch off to the princess, kills the bottle, and then passes out on top of her with his leather pants around his knees.

* VIKING METAL
The protagonist arrives in a ship, comes at the dragon with his mighty axe, stops and realizes that, as a Viking, attacking a combatant with the ability to fight back is not his forte. So he gets back into his ship, sails to the dragon's hometown, kills the dragon's wife, children, and elderly parents, steals the dragon's possessions, razes the dragon's house, and goes home happy, having forgotten about the princess entirely.

* BLACK METAL
The protagonist arrives at midnight and stands around shirtless in the forest with his axe for a while until the dragon begins to make fun of how gay he looks, so he goes home and picks up his immense stash of TNT attained to no discernible purpose, sets it up around the sleeping dragon, and blows him up. Then, forgetting about the princess, finds the nearest phone and calls the local newspaper to let them know how evil he is. He is subsequently arrested but will be back on the outside again in 2014.

Aside from that you pretty much nailed them.
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 2005-02-01, 21:27
far_beyond_sane's Avatar
far_beyond_sane far_beyond_sane is offline
You gamma-minus fucktards
Forum Leader
 
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: Sydney.
Posts: 4,674
Quote:
Originally Posted by PST 88
* THRASH METAL
The protagonist arrives with a bottle of Jack Daniels, fights and slays the dragon, takes a scale off the dragon, sews it into his jean jacket, shows the new patch off to the princess, kills the bottle, and then passes out on top of her with his leather pants around his knees.


Far too accurate.
__________________
far_beyond_sane - contributing to the moral decay of your children since 1982

"It was some kind of evolutionary glitch, she figured; no different than the other unreasonable side effects of consciousness and emotion, like religion and rap music."
Reply With Quote
  #11  
Old 2005-02-01, 23:24
KevC KevC is offline
Senior Metalhead
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Toronto, Canada
Posts: 315
hahaha i loved the folk metal one hahaha
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 2005-02-01, 23:34
philkilla's Avatar
philkilla philkilla is offline
Crusher of Skulls
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Somewhere down the road
Posts: 2,188
Send a message via AIM to philkilla Send a message via MSN to philkilla Send a message via Yahoo to philkilla
I thought the Doom and Progressive Metal were pretty funny....
__________________


My Trust is in WHISKEY and WEEDand SLAYER
Long live DIMEBAG
ROGspace Cunts. Book us


Quote:
Originally Posted by far_beyond_sane
You thought of mixing wheat flour with saturated fat, and putting it the resultant shit in a styrofoam cup. Shine on, you crazy dead yellow diamond.

Quote:
Originally Posted by johnmansley
May the best cunt win.
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 2005-02-01, 23:42
MyOwnSavior's Avatar
MyOwnSavior MyOwnSavior is offline
Registered Sex Offender
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: La Follette
Posts: 2,400
Send a message via AIM to MyOwnSavior
I liked the gore metal but he didn't fuck corpse of the dragon. Rule #1 of Gore Metal: No corpse goes undefiled. Allow me to rewrite it for you.

* GORE METAL
The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon and spreads his guts in front of
the castle and fucks the dragon's ass, intestines, and skull. he then fucks the princess and kills her. Then he fucks the dead body again, slashes her belly and eats her guts and drinks her blood from her skull. He skull fucks her then rapes her vagina and ass with a chainsaw. Then he fucks what is left of the carcass for the third time, burns her vagina lips together and fucks her in the ass for the last time. Then wonders around thinking what was the whole purpose of that disgusting act in the first place.
__________________
"Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent. Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent. Is he both able, and willing? Then whence cometh evil? Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?" - Epicurus

I'm as firm as red clay and as constant as... drinkin'. I'm constantly drinkin'. - Early Cuyler
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 2005-02-01, 23:47
SmotPoker's Avatar
SmotPoker SmotPoker is offline
Senior Metalhead
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Las Vegas
Posts: 454
Send a message via AIM to SmotPoker
Quote:
Originally Posted by MyOwnSavior
I liked the gore metal but he didn't fuck corpse of the dragon. Rule #1 of Gore Metal: No corpse goes undefiled. Allow me to rewrite it for you.

* GORE METAL
The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon and spreads his guts in front of
the castle and fucks the dragon's ass, intestines, and skull. he then fucks the princess and kills her. Then he fucks the dead body again, slashes her belly and eats her guts and drinks her blood from her skull. He skull fucks her then rapes her vagina and ass with a chainsaw. Then he fucks what is left of the carcass for the third time, burns her vagina lips together and fucks her in the ass for the last time. Then wonders around thinking what was the whole purpose of that disgusting act in the first place.

LMAO
__________________
http://www.myspace.com/dismaleclipselv
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 2005-02-02, 00:40
powersofterror's Avatar
powersofterror powersofterror is offline
I am a tax on the world..
Forum Leader
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: pizza with a shit on it!
Posts: 7,994
Ha, sounds like fun to write your own....

* BLACK METAL
The protagonist arrives at sunrise, and runs away screaming. Later that day when it turns dusk, he finally puts some clothes on and paints his face. Now he's ready, so he goes back to the cave. He recites bad poetry to the dragon and then he cuts the dragon's throat with an axe in the shape of a dick. After eating some of the dragon raw, he jumps around jerking off with a slice of meat. Feeling sick to her stomach, the girl leaves unnoticed.
__________________
Man, I get real sweaty after I wack my dong. Yeah, cause I headbang while I do, and I can't really "Jump" (haha ) like VanHalen in a dorm room, so I just walk back and forth....haha a couple days ago I was jumping up and down on my bed, with my pants down and my roommate came in when I wasn't looking, hahaha.


This is my band's page
http://www.myspace.com/ferocitydentontx
Reply With Quote
  #16  
Old 2005-02-02, 01:03
Cloaca's Avatar
Cloaca Cloaca is offline
C-Un(i)t
Forum Leader
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Melbourne, AUS
Posts: 2,637
Send a message via AIM to Cloaca Send a message via MSN to Cloaca Send a message via Yahoo to Cloaca
Funny all around. Great modifications too.

Except, MyOwnSaviour, your version lacks one thing:

Lack of thick fluids spraying out of the corpses, as well as the lack of the word 'pus'. Other than that its all good..........
__________________
ROBERT NOWAK FOR PRESIDENT!
OMG ONE MORE THING MY HERO CAN U HELP FIRST RIFF CLOUDED? THANK YOU
Reply With Quote
  #17  
Old 2005-02-02, 01:13
MyOwnSavior's Avatar
MyOwnSavior MyOwnSavior is offline
Registered Sex Offender
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: La Follette
Posts: 2,400
Send a message via AIM to MyOwnSavior
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cloaca
Funny all around. Great modifications too.

Except, MyOwnSaviour, your version lacks one thing:

Lack of thick fluids spraying out of the corpses, as well as the lack of the word 'pus'. Other than that its all good..........
But of course.
__________________
"Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent. Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent. Is he both able, and willing? Then whence cometh evil? Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?" - Epicurus

I'm as firm as red clay and as constant as... drinkin'. I'm constantly drinkin'. - Early Cuyler
Reply With Quote
  #18  
Old 2005-02-02, 01:31
andrewc andrewc is offline
Post-whore
Banned
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Posts: 2,471
zionist, there are bad newbs and good newbs, and i think you're going to be one of the latter. best laugh i've had for ages. nu metal, heavy metal, and viking metal floated my boat the best.
Reply With Quote
  #19  
Old 2005-02-02, 01:54
Seasons in the Abyss's Avatar
Seasons in the Abyss Seasons in the Abyss is offline
Metalhead
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Ontario,Canada
Posts: 85
Send a message via MSN to Seasons in the Abyss
Quote:
Originally Posted by powersofterror
Ha, sounds like fun to write your own....

* BLACK METAL
The protagonist arrives at sunrise, and runs away screaming. Later that day when it turns dusk, he finally puts some clothes on and paints his face. Now he's ready, so he goes back to the cave. He recites bad poetry to the dragon and then he cuts the dragon's throat with an axe in the shape of a dick. After eating some of the dragon raw, he jumps around jerking off with a slice of meat. Feeling sick to her stomach, the girl leaves unnoticed.


That's black metal humour down to a fine art. Same goes for PST with the 'Varg' version of the story.
__________________
Through the eternal flame I travel
As the rain keeps falling...

Last edited by Seasons in the Abyss : 2005-02-02 at 01:59.
Reply With Quote
  #20  
Old 2005-02-02, 02:40
powersofterror's Avatar
powersofterror powersofterror is offline
I am a tax on the world..
Forum Leader
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: pizza with a shit on it!
Posts: 7,994
damn that's not all...

* POWER METAL
The protagonist arrives riding a white sheep dog screaming "we ride the wiiiiiind!!!" whereas the dog is fine because the guy wieghts like 84 lbs,, and escapes from the dragon. As he is carrying the princess she falls off the "noble steed" and dies. He sings about the Lord of the Rings for the next 40 years.

hahahahahaha.
__________________
Man, I get real sweaty after I wack my dong. Yeah, cause I headbang while I do, and I can't really "Jump" (haha ) like VanHalen in a dorm room, so I just walk back and forth....haha a couple days ago I was jumping up and down on my bed, with my pants down and my roommate came in when I wasn't looking, hahaha.


This is my band's page
http://www.myspace.com/ferocitydentontx
Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 07:31.


========

Contact Us | Privacy Policy | Disclaimer
Copyright © 2001-2009 MetalTabs.com. All Rights Reserved.
Powered by vBulletin
Copyright ©2000 - 2009, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.