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Old 2004-12-12, 23:09
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MoonRaven MoonRaven is offline
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lost in desolation

wrote this 12/8/04, it goes along with the last poem i posted on here, "shores of mourning", i am gonna write atleast one more poem that goes with them, all based around a lake called "mourning"

lost in desolation
by caleb roberts

lying at the bank of a fog covered lake
contemplating my life's duration
lost in the mist of the waters of Mourning
lost in desolation

amidst the ivy on the ne'er trodden earth
hidden from view of the world
ethereal shadows of the moonlit forest
alight the lake, colored pearl

deep in the woods, and deep in thought
i take in a moment of life
a single moment that lightens my death
of a existence stricken with strife

clouds pass by the harvest moon
darkening the view of the lake
no light to behold, no life to live
nor another breath to take

dawn draws nearer, my heart cries out
"before the sun paints the sky,
end it now, while you still now how,
while you still know what it means to die."
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Old 2004-12-13, 11:46
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Really good work! This lyrics is very good. I'd like to see more of your lyrics....
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Old 2004-12-13, 18:38
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That was great. The only thing I saw was --of (an) existence stricken with strife--instead of 'a' there. Beautifully done imagery. I felt like I was a moth on a tree sharing the moment.
Cool.
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Old 2004-12-14, 09:27
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Quote:
Originally Posted by L,B'XXX
That was great. The only thing I saw was --of (an) existence stricken with strife--instead of 'a' there. Beautifully done imagery. I felt like I was a moth on a tree sharing the moment.
Cool.

yeah, thinking faster than i could type, thank you both for the comments, as soon as i write more, ill post it up here
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