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  #1  
Old 2004-11-03, 05:45
andrewc andrewc is offline
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When Angels Bleed

at first i didnt submit my work in case someone else stole my idea. but now meh.

i was massively depressed about 3 hours ago, and i came up with this. its not quite finished yet but yeah.

When Angels Bleed
*intro*

When you thought it could sink no lower
You get kicked in the face again
There's no answer, there's no way out
Is dying the only answer now?


A lost and unloved creature
Walks the eternal path alone
Looking for some solace
Looking for some kind of home
The endless pain he feels
From a source that no-one knows
Destroys his heart for a million years at a time
As his will to live, goes

He must walk the path by himself
For he matters to nobody now
And the only words he ever hears
Are an eternal, endless row

Truely a sad sight, one born of agony
Mayhemic emotions thrive on inside (him)
The heartbreak making him feel so bad
Swallows him in a giant tide

...to be continued....
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  #2  
Old 2004-11-03, 06:25
Def's Avatar
Def Def is offline
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I liked it. though the first four lines seem a bit lame compared to the rest, like to easy or straight to the point. the rest is really cool though.

really depressing but beautiful in its own way, would fit well to some darkish metal with slower pace.
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  #3  
Old 2004-11-03, 06:53
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Infinity Infinity is offline
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Well, I got a poem I just wrote, I'm gonna post it here because it's on the same lines... hope noone minds? If so just delete it.

Woke up today in haze
So tired
You didnt want to go to school
You wanted to lay there
You thought about the embarrising moments of your life
You thought of the tiny victories
Too bad it dosnt matter
[You realise nothing matters, right?]
When your dreams are shattered and your life is fucked you accept death with indifference
You drive on though to beat it
You realise that people act
You realise human morals are nothing but figments of the mind
[People sould be the way they feel and not act the way they believe they should feel]
I knew a girl who's friend died
I didn't care and neither did she
She got knives and cut herself, I thought it was funny so I teased her
She left town
I thought that was funny
You realise you have no friends and that friends might not exist
You know that emotions are created by society?
I don't care about a single thing anymore
When you die will your work be helping someone?
Humanity needs a goal
Or on the contrare it dosnt, It'd be easier to die, and far less painful.

Last edited by Infinity : 2004-11-03 at 06:56.
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  #4  
Old 2004-11-03, 23:06
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Severed_Head_Stoner Severed_Head_Stoner is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Infinity
Well, I got a poem I just wrote, I'm gonna post it here because it's on the same lines... hope noone minds? If so just delete it.

Woke up today in haze
So tired
You didnt want to go to school
You wanted to lay there
You thought about the embarrising moments of your life
You thought of the tiny victories
Too bad it dosnt matter
[You realise nothing matters, right?]
When your dreams are shattered and your life is fucked you accept death with indifference
You drive on though to beat it
You realise that people act
You realise human morals are nothing but figments of the mind
[People sould be the way they feel and not act the way they believe they should feel]
I knew a girl who's friend died
I didn't care and neither did she
She got knives and cut herself, I thought it was funny so I teased her
She left town
I thought that was funny
You realise you have no friends and that friends might not exist
You know that emotions are created by society?
I don't care about a single thing anymore
When you die will your work be helping someone?
Humanity needs a goal
Or on the contrare it dosnt, It'd be easier to die, and far less painful.

^Stop your thread jackerisms.

I liked it, Andrew, i can imagine it being played to an Opeth track, with a mix of accoustic and electric mixing in and out, like Black Rose Immortal. The vocals done by Akerfeldt sort of like the ones in... The Leper Affinity, that sound like they're produced through an old radio recorder.
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  #5  
Old 2004-11-04, 09:57
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L,B'XXX L,B'XXX is offline
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andrewc-- I think the first 2 lines of the first part are okay, but actually it removes the teen angsty feel if you eliminate the first 4 all other. I thought of Opeth when I read it ,too. (It's a sign! ) It would sound very well that way.
as far as the feelings themselves in either piece of work here, a lot of those feelings are from inbalances of hormones and in essence growing pains. Teens and young adults go through a lot of psychological as well as physical changes so don't be too hard on yourselves. I made it through and you will, too. It seems like the world's weight is your responsibilty but it isn't. Just your small portion. And keep writing though cuz it's great therapuetically.

everybody's mom
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-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!
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  #6  
Old 2004-11-04, 17:33
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Trendkill_420 Trendkill_420 is offline
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ahhh.
she loves you guys

(she's right though, we all get over it)
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Imagine there's no countries,
It isnt hard to do,
Nothing to kill or die for,
No religion too,
Imagine all the people
living life in peace...
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  #7  
Old 2004-11-04, 22:25
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L,B'XXX L,B'XXX is offline
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I love you ,too. One of these days, Trendk' . POW ! Right in the kisser !
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My eldest son's bipolar website: www.bipolarmanifesto.com

-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!
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  #8  
Old 2004-11-05, 08:34
G_urr_A G_urr_A is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by L,B'XXX
(It's a sign! )


C: Follow the gourd!!! Follow the holy gourd!! It's a blessing!!!
B: Oh, fuck off!!!
[silence]
C: A blessing!!!



I too thought a bit of Opeth when I read it....
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seems like you got a case of stupidphobia
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  #9  
Old 2004-11-05, 08:39
andrewc andrewc is offline
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actually to be honest i was going to write a cradle of filth-style track to it (but with one, unaltered vocal track instead of 5,000 pitch-shifted vocal track)

but i reckon the opeth idea might work well too. as for the intro that every one thought was gay, that would have been/will be a spoken word part which is why it didnt follow along the lines of the rest of the song.
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