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  #1  
Old 2004-08-27, 04:26
Chris Rezendes's Avatar
Chris Rezendes Chris Rezendes is offline
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Limericks

Last night at about 3:45AM, I was halfway through my nightly walk when I just thought of a limerick that made me laugh to myself. I'm not sure why I thought it was so funny, because it doesn't look quite so funny after writing it down. Maybe somebody will like it, though.

There once was a man from Winchester
Twas an infamous child molester
But when caught he was shot
And his body did rot
After tossed in the sewer to fester

Fuck it, I'll make up some more on the spot.

I once knew a woman from Lowell
Who enjoyed taking rides on my pole
When I knew she was done
It was put in her bum
And screamed out "Hey! That's the wrong hole!"

Holy shit. I'm the man.
Here's another, the last one.

I met a nice woman named Tammy
She's the freakiest bitch in Miami
She asked for a treat
So I took out my meat
And I buried it deep in her clammy
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  #2  
Old 2004-08-27, 07:03
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lol
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  #3  
Old 2004-08-27, 09:46
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ChrisRezendes
Last night at about 3:45AM, I was halfway through my nightly walk when I just thought of a limerick that made me laugh to myself. I'm not sure why I thought it was so funny, because it doesn't look quite so funny after writing it down. Maybe somebody will like it, though.

There once was a man from Winchester
Twas an infamous child molester
But when caught he was shot
And his body did rot
After tossed in the sewer to fester

Fuck it, I'll make up some more on the spot.

I once knew a woman from Lowell
Who enjoyed taking rides on my pole
When I knew she was done
It was put in her bum
And screamed out "Hey! That's the wrong hole!"

Holy shit. I'm the man.
Here's another, the last one.

I met a nice woman named Tammy
She's the freakiest bitch in Miami
She asked for a treat
So I took out my meat
And I buried it deep in her clammy


Bwahaha! Thats fucking great! Next time I have to write poetry for english class, I'm going to use one of them.
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  #4  
Old 2004-08-27, 11:17
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what the hell are you doing

a)walking around that late at night
b)thinking up limericks

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  #5  
Old 2004-08-27, 17:35
MetalMilitiant MetalMilitiant is offline
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haha man i needed that laugh, funny shit man we should start a filthy limeriks thread,
cant think of one at the moment
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They mostly come out at night...well...mostly
Keep it simple stupid
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  #6  
Old 2004-08-28, 01:40
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Transient
what the hell are you doing

a)walking around that late at night
b)thinking up limericks



I love walking at night, it's so much nicer. There's hardly anyone else out and the night air is delicious. By the way, MetalMilitiant, that might be a good idea if people can be creative and think up their own shit. That would rule.

Here's one, it's not that dirty, but I just like the interesting rhymes I found for it-

I knew a nice woman from Watertown
who fucked me while wearing her daughter's gown.
But her daughter did see
and then come after me
with a hatchet, but seven rounds brought her down.

What the fuck, why not another?

I worked for a girl in Pawtucket
A full figured Mrs. R. Duckett
But while mowing her grass
I was eyeing her ass
Back indoors, she bent over and said "fuck it"
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  #7  
Old 2004-08-28, 02:00
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Infinity Infinity is offline
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I was killing the dudes at Sunrise.
Security in bewildered surprise.
I shot them in the head ,
and now 2 are dead.
All because you fucking fags ruin my morning, every morning, you cunts.

Well, it does rhyme... in places. And that last line shows alot of emotion....... Nah, serious, it was just a dumb joke. :-P
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  #8  
Old 2004-08-28, 02:26
ShredIsNotDead ShredIsNotDead is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Infinity
I was killing the dudes at Sunrise.
Security in bewildered surprise.
I shot them in the head ,
and now 2 are dead.
All because you ruin my morning, every morning, I wish I were in bed

Well, it does rhyme... in places. And that last line shows alot of emotion....... Nah, serious, it was just a dumb joke. :-P


Now it rhymes in all places
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  #9  
Old 2004-08-28, 19:04
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There once was a lyrical metaltabs site
With members who were not EVEN quite right
But they were a gas
Making jokes about ass
Not a place for those who are uptight .....I love you guys heehee

That pole one was killer !!!! I read them to Walpurgis dad and he said--"And these are people you associate with...." heehee

You guys are too much.

I LOVED hearing how the whimsy just hit you like that. Sort of like a lunch lady song I wrote recently. I don't think I posted it either. Hmm, I'll have to do something about that........
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  #10  
Old 2004-08-28, 19:38
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I once crept under a toilet
It smelled because I'd just soiled it
So this guy creeps on down
What a fucking clown
"Pop goes the weasel" he told it...


haha
shut up I'm not good.....
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  #11  
Old 2004-08-28, 23:53
MetalMilitiant MetalMilitiant is offline
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I once knew a girl from mascouche
she had the world thickest bush
she decided to shave
since the cock she did crave
and I gave that fine ass a push

Yeah i live in a place called masouche, and i suck at this limerick think
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They mostly come out at night...well...mostly
Keep it simple stupid
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  #12  
Old 2004-08-29, 13:45
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Quote:
Originally Posted by L,B'XXX
There once was a lyrical metaltabs site
With members who were not EVEN quite right
But they were a gas
Making jokes about ass
Not a place for those who are uptight .....I love you guys heehee

That pole one was killer !!!! I read them to Walpurgis dad and he said--"And these are people you associate with...." heehee

You guys are too much.

I LOVED hearing how the whimsy just hit you like that. Sort of like a lunch lady song I wrote recently. I don't think I posted it either. Hmm, I'll have to do something about that........


Thank you. It gives me freedom to be spontaneously creative and make people laugh at the same time. My only problem is that the majority of the time I have to rely on sex or violence to get laughs out of friends. I also come up with cheesy pick up lines to get laughs out of people, but those could hardly be considered poetry, hehe... BTW, I DO write real poetry, but I don't really share it with people as it is highly personal.

Keep coming up with stuff, people, you had some good stuff!
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  #13  
Old 2004-08-29, 13:58
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oh dither. I suck at limericks so i'll be silly and add some haiku.

-----DDR-----

The Up Down Right Left

Combo Stream, going crazy

Painful techno beat
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Chocolate Chips yum

Aroma of baking dough

Floats through the house
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Sugary and Sweet

Crunchy Crunch on my teeth

I don't eat cereal.

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Morning is past noon

Sun marks its territory

on my unclad legs.
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I am going to go eat a sandwich.
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  #14  
Old 2004-08-29, 19:01
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L,B'XXX L,B'XXX is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ChrisRezendes
Thank you. It gives me freedom to be spontaneously creative and make people laugh at the same time. My only problem is that the majority of the time I have to rely on sex or violence to get laughs out of friends. I also come up with cheesy pick up lines to get laughs out of people, but those could hardly be considered poetry, hehe... BTW, I DO write real poetry, but I don't really share it with people as it is highly personal.

Keep coming up with stuff, people, you had some good stuff!


Sounds familiar, but I've gotten brave in my old age. And I'm pleasantly surprised that people can relate to some of my pieces and like them,too. So even if they are personal ,your pieces may touch someone's heart or funnybone....or make them want to beat you severely about the head. I like that you have a sense of humor. That makes for good writing to me.
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-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!
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  #15  
Old 2004-08-30, 01:35
Eternal_Sorrow Eternal_Sorrow is offline
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Here's one i thought of on the spot:

When i was with her i felt so free
She said you and me together we should be
So she hoped on my cock
and the bed we did rock
And what do you know the bitch gave me VD!!

AHAHA!! the last line doesn't rhyme but it has the same kinda sound.

What the hell i'll add another one.

This bitch i knew was such a dirty slut
All day and all night i stuck it up her butt
Then she let out a fart
And blew my cock apart
So a butcher knife i stuck right in her gut

Last edited by Eternal_Sorrow : 2004-08-30 at 02:16.
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  #16  
Old 2004-08-30, 02:22
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i remember one i wrote years ago, it was after a person who i went to school with, sich we had to do some poetry stuff for english

There once was a man named Alexander Orr
Who lived in a house made of straw
the house fell down
so he moved into town
and rented a low priced whore
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  #17  
Old 2004-09-15, 01:19
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Quote:
Originally Posted by L,B'XXX
That pole one was killer !!!!



heres one for you then mate:

There once was a girl from Sri Lanka
Whose cunt was as big as a tanker
You could go for a swim
In the depths of her quim
And you needed a lamp-post to wank her.

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  #18  
Old 2004-09-19, 04:00
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You'd make an old lady blush ! haha

(L,B'XXX looks in mirror.)
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-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!
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