In the first piece i think it was okay for a personal rant about music sell-out except for when you said--
They have the youth’s intelligence
In the palms of their hands
I think that if you referred to it in a way such as --
They mold youth's intelligence--and maybe even add something to describe the inteligence like-- They mold youth's yearning, supple, absorbant, gullible intelligence ? Just an idea. Not all those words, but one to show you're feeling on the subject.
It has a message to it, but it doesn't sound disgusted or angered enough to make someone sit up and take notice. Think of an MTV freak reading it and how you'd want to convert them to a more complex view of the music industry. Make them want to hear something other than just what the vj's play and what they wear.
One thing that amuses me about MTV is they try to say that individuality is cool, but sell stuff to rope everyone of their mindlessly led cows into buying overpriced trends. No class in that.
The second piece offered a look at a particular sector of organized religion. I guess I was fortunate to be raised in a church where the basic thing was we all believed in Jesus Christ. The ministers we had were the most wonderful family oriented people and always went the extra mile for their congregation. Mot every minister will ride in the back of a pick-up truck witha bunch of teenagers coming back from a hay ride and sing "100 Bottle of Beer on the Wall" !
But I do understand the fanatical religious zealots that like to think theirs is the only way ! What a load of whoo-ey.
The line--That it uses you for --was the only one I thought made it awkward and that line could be totally omitted or just reworded to flow better. Not a bad bit of observation.
My eldest son's bipolar website: www.bipolarmanifesto.com
-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!