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  #1  
Old 2004-07-13, 16:40
Incantation Incantation is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Portland
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Cerebral Suspension

"Cerebral Suspension"

Fadeing back
into a rusted hyper chamber of illusions
Is that man i call a freind
plotting against me
A few feet away, im sure he'll snap

Grandios dementia. Im fearing for so many hours now
The first sign of insanity comes one step closer
I glide across the walls with my hand as a knife
Through Drywal and wood frameing, theres flesh behind these walls
There draining and spilling, Black blood onto the hard wood floor
As i draw with my knife, this room is my canvas
Like a cave man, i must mark these corners to leave behind a trace

A trace of the hours gone by, the day turned to night so fast

figures screaming from an imagination, gone to the point of dillusion
Soo scary, but so exquisite, this is an a woken dream.
Slight amnesia, caused me to recollect
But the night sky is fadeing and cracked
Im still here. Im still here.

That man i called a freind, is now screaming out of fear
Invisible enemys, fall upon this man for hours
Paranoia, the thought of being found.....No one is looking

Im sure i can control my self, but vibes of conspiring foes
Masked as freinds. I cant tell, IS IT ME?
So much time, so much confusion.






--Ultimate point-- dont shroom with idiots
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  #2  
Old 2004-07-15, 19:25
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L,B'XXX L,B'XXX is offline
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HA ! I never EVER thought I'd read about drywall and wood framing in this way. I can't get this image of Bob Vila and Norm Abrams headbanging now or tuning up their power saws. heehee Oh my. (And what is that remark about shrooms and idiots ? They'd make me normal ! What a bore!)

Anyways, I'm happy to finally some lyrics here again so I'll behave and crit your song.
First verse was pretty good imagery. The only thing I'd change in the vextone is the woodworking part. The line previously blends well with the latter part of the next line. The walls and framework aren't necessary to describe. And besides I have old plaster walls and I'm sure they'd be a lot harder.

The first sign of insanity comes one step closer
I glide across the walls with my hand as a knife
Theres flesh behind these walls
It's draining and spilling, Black blood onto the hard wood floor
What do you think? The rest I thought was okay. I think a few spots could get smoothed out a little but if you set it aside you may hear them and be able to alter them slightly. Nothing major though.
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-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!
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  #3  
Old 2004-07-16, 18:17
Incantation Incantation is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Portland
Posts: 66
bah

the song is about a shroom trip i had... it was a good but bad experience.. I thou8ght it was neccessary to put in the walls part..lol but if bob villa comes into mind..fuck that i'll change it..
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  #4  
Old 2004-07-17, 18:07
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L,B'XXX L,B'XXX is offline
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Heh heh well, don't just change it on my account. It's your trip, man. The most I ever got from those little buggers was curtains blowing in a light breeze when the windows were closed and that was many, MANY moons ago.
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My eldest son's bipolar website: www.bipolarmanifesto.com

-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!
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