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  #1  
Old 2004-08-31, 00:35
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powersofterror powersofterror is offline
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haha, sarcasm at its best, along the lines of Poe...

...For Her

Like a madness running down the side of your face
A colorless sea of fear and wicked that comes this way
In a way like a black mountain with unstable ends
As cold as ice and as warm as a gentle hand so fired

Masked behind those clear blue eyes I can see a mirror
A window into eternity like a brisk morning's walk together
Fills me with a dark sensation of wicked that comes this way
Love as it were, first sight of the day, and last I may endure

And as cold as a winter's rose of red and white and black
And a pain that may not be hidden forever for it will resurface
Looking upon your face, my eyes teased by beauty and love
While not thinking but feeling a sick darkness evolve in me

Smiling as I feel your hair between my fingers so thick
As it were a long time and not before have I felt this way
I take your hair in a fist and pull with all my will and might
Hearing a scream as like it was in a great distance

Black and red flashes now before my eyes in darkness
I cannot stop these hands as they destroy such a beauty
As if it were picture perfect in a buzzing mind of hate
Tasting blood on my lips and hands cowardly over you

What was it that started a torment so wicked now gone
Ah yes, a fight between lovers has always been a sick thing
Great things have never recovered from losses and hate
Perhaps a mental disorder that will always fume...for her
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Man, I get real sweaty after I wack my dong. Yeah, cause I headbang while I do, and I can't really "Jump" (haha ) like VanHalen in a dorm room, so I just walk back and forth....haha a couple days ago I was jumping up and down on my bed, with my pants down and my roommate came in when I wasn't looking, hahaha.


This is my band's page
http://www.myspace.com/ferocitydentontx

Last edited by powersofterror : 2004-08-31 at 00:37.
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  #2  
Old 2004-08-31, 04:20
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I like the imagery at the beginning. nifty.
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  #3  
Old 2004-08-31, 06:10
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Hmmm!!!!! There's actually something I wasn't happy with in this one ! ah-HA !! But I'll be gentle.

Was there a reason for the rep in the first and second verse of --wicked that comes this way ?? I felt it was more of a distraction than an emphasis if that's what you were going for.
And I thought there was so mething else that I was gonna b itch about but I reread it a couple more times and couldn't figure it out so maybe it was just the way I did the initial reading.

The imagery in the first verse of the mountain sides was too cool. The idea of an ominous black mountain being destroyed not from the top down but from the sides splintering away til it collapses was loaded with imagery. That would be a neat image in a video. From that thought you went to the lighter feelings that had almost happiness to them before hitting the next verse which became a rose frozen in winter. Then you went into the physical then taste and finally contemplationwith the last line making me think it was modern sarcasm. (Which I know you just love to do !) Hmm, not much to bitch about. I guess I'll try harder next time.

I bet an upright bass in the background of this being read would sound really cool. Give your viola some wheaties and get bizzee recording !
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-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!
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  #4  
Old 2004-08-31, 10:50
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powersofterror powersofterror is offline
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haha, *middle finger* ...not viola, that'd ruin it! I thought the idea of repeating "wicked that comes this way" as a foreshadow to the reader, saying it twice makes it stick, . But I get what you mean, I could have said it differently the second time. I love it when I am able to use the title as the end of a piece though. Yeah thanks about the mountain, took me awhile to think about it. I was trying to get away from saying "crying"; something along the lines of black eye shadow that runs down the face when a girl cries hence the black glacier and unstability.
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Man, I get real sweaty after I wack my dong. Yeah, cause I headbang while I do, and I can't really "Jump" (haha ) like VanHalen in a dorm room, so I just walk back and forth....haha a couple days ago I was jumping up and down on my bed, with my pants down and my roommate came in when I wasn't looking, hahaha.


This is my band's page
http://www.myspace.com/ferocitydentontx

Last edited by powersofterror : 2004-08-31 at 10:52.
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  #5  
Old 2004-09-01, 06:34
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I didn't say it would ruin it ! I just didn't think a viola would have a deep enough voice for what I'm hearing !! I could be wrong though because I'm not that familiar with a viola so don't get yer panties in a bunch.

I didn't get your mountain metaphor in that respect. That was cool. But just so you know, the infrequent times I do the mascara thing I use the waterproof and only do the top lashes so that doesn't happen !

I know what you mean about the title, too. I don't do it very often but sometimes it's works that way.
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My eldest son's bipolar website: www.bipolarmanifesto.com

-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!
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  #6  
Old 2004-09-01, 10:30
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powersofterror powersofterror is offline
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Ever read Poe's "The Black Cat?" That's what was going through mind in this, that's such a WICKED poem!
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Man, I get real sweaty after I wack my dong. Yeah, cause I headbang while I do, and I can't really "Jump" (haha ) like VanHalen in a dorm room, so I just walk back and forth....haha a couple days ago I was jumping up and down on my bed, with my pants down and my roommate came in when I wasn't looking, hahaha.


This is my band's page
http://www.myspace.com/ferocitydentontx
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  #7  
Old 2004-09-01, 18:23
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I thought that was a Janet Jackson song.
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My eldest son's bipolar website: www.bipolarmanifesto.com

-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!
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  #8  
Old 2004-09-01, 21:21
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powersofterror powersofterror is offline
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haha.
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Man, I get real sweaty after I wack my dong. Yeah, cause I headbang while I do, and I can't really "Jump" (haha ) like VanHalen in a dorm room, so I just walk back and forth....haha a couple days ago I was jumping up and down on my bed, with my pants down and my roommate came in when I wasn't looking, hahaha.


This is my band's page
http://www.myspace.com/ferocitydentontx
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  #9  
Old 2004-09-02, 05:47
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My eldest son's bipolar website: www.bipolarmanifesto.com

-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!
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