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Old 2004-04-26, 14:56
dying-oath dying-oath is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Jax FL, previously lived in Naples Italy
Posts: 253
A Soldier's Plea

I finished this not long ago, and it's prety cool...everyone at school was raving about it, i don't get why.....

A Soldier’s Plea

Oh won’t you please renew in me a mind that sees.
To work, to play, create to stay this mind in me.
Oh that I would, of that I could, reveal to thee.
That you might know, these things I know inside of life.
And through this mind, a rage does flow, yet sans all strife.
For when one comes and sees through me, all things agree.

To go to war, to do and die, shows heart, agree?
Oh cry for me, oh die for me, a mind that sees.
That through that mind that saw so much, you saw through me.
And so you feel that pain I felt to die for thee.
For when the pride, it fades away, you see my life.
Oh for that life that shows such pain, yet sans all strife.

Oh hark kind sir; will you please see this life sans strife?
That you would hear a soldier’s plea; see me, agree?
And from my mind, a mem’ry fled, and so one sees.
For though we walked a road of death, cry not for me.
Oh cry the sky, the tears that fell, they fell for thee.
To die for thee creates in me a well of life

Those men that died out on the field to give you life,
And found in them the strength to go and die for strife.
For when one dies, to live without, and to agree.
Oh catch a life within one’s grasp and then one sees.
To creep and grasp the curse of war, then you know me.
Oh come and see the curse in me; know me do thee.

And so Owen, who disliked war brought true to thee,
“For shame,” said he, “that old verse true that takes such life.”
How sweet and fit to die; to live and die sans strife.
So brave are they with silent mouths and live, agree?
But great are we who died for thee, ne’er more we sees.
So when you see our suffering, please think of me.

The price to free your family is dear to me.
The price of life, the price of strife, I took from thee.
The price is death…that price I paid to give you life.
To keep you free, to go to war, and lay down strife.
For though this strife may kill with knife, we shall agree.
We went to war; we went to free, and now we sees.

We went to kill; we went to die; and now one sees
We sent to war to take this horrid price from thee.
Not all came back unto their wife, nor unto life.
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Old 2004-04-27, 07:03
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L,B'XXX L,B'XXX is offline
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Very interesting. I'm going to have to read it a time or 2 more to see if the thought pattern is logical. I liked the alliteration in it, and your meter was cool as heck. I could picture a slow death march type scene with very battered soldiers from different eras marching together down a long dirt road through a field. Very eerie.
And I could hear it done sort of with tones like " And Nothing Else Matters" maybe with a bit of fife and drum. Again I say, I wish you could hear what I'm hearing. Even recited with just those instruments would be chilling. I liked it.
My eldest son's bipolar website:

-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!
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Old 2004-04-27, 08:08
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Def Def is offline
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Location: Utrecht, The Netherlands
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I love it, gotta read it again to catch everything in it, good stuff, good title.
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Old 2004-04-27, 15:59
dying-oath dying-oath is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Jax FL, previously lived in Naples Italy
Posts: 253
yeah, it's a sestina if you've ever heard of one. notice i could only use six words for the last words of the lines, and those words had to be in a certain order( you'll notice the progression throughout the poem) and if you were wondering, it's in iambic hexameter.
i'm gonna put a tune to it one of these days...then get the music vid...i like the idea about soldiers from different eras all walking down the same road, dusty, tired, wounded, but still marching on and on and on.
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