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  #1  
Old 2004-05-01, 01:33
ArkaneSoul88's Avatar
ArkaneSoul88 ArkaneSoul88 is offline
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The sleeper

Mist of tears enshrined the weaper,
fallen was the eternal sleeper.
cutting wrinkles in the hillside,
in the tales of the great-divide.

brimstone rains but darkness falls,
as stone and coal casts up its walls.
sheets of ice encrusting the fires,
with endless but dreaming desires.

Mist of tears enshrined the weaper,
fallen was the eternal sleeper.
cutting wrinkles in the hillside,
in the tales of the great-divide.

pale face deep within the frozen ice,
prisoned to pay the falsely entice.
black streams run down your breast,
narcotic blood with cardiac arrest.
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  #2  
Old 2004-05-01, 08:57
dying-oath dying-oath is offline
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nice... i like it "black streams run down your breast,
narcotic blood with cardiac arrest." that's a hot part man... keep up writin' i wana see more of this from everyone.
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  #3  
Old 2004-05-01, 18:32
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powersofterror powersofterror is offline
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huh, that was cool.
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  #4  
Old 2004-05-02, 16:20
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"cutting wrinkles in the hillside,"--Ooo, cool! Great imagery.

"brimstone rains but darkness falls,
as stone and coal casts up its walls.
sheets of ice encrusting the fires,
with endless but dreaming desires."
That made me feel like I was watching the earth explode in birth with the fire and ice. Again really good imagery.
"pale face deep within the frozen ice,"
That reminded me of stories of finding a primitive man or a later explorer in a frozen expression buried in the ice.
What's the story behind the piece? I really liked this.
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  #5  
Old 2004-05-03, 15:06
dying-oath dying-oath is offline
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sorry, had to rave one more time about this...
"Mist of tears enshrined the weaper,
fallen was the eternal sleeper."
this part was nice, i really like the feeling that "Mist of tears enshrined the weaper" created, and the way you spelled weeper makes me think of like...the grim reaper or something, something evil, sinister, and just plain nasty
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Burning from the pain, I chase after you,
Seething from the fake, I知 catching you,
Chasing after ghosts, I知 killing you.
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