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Old 2004-04-23, 10:39
Dimmu Is My God Dimmu Is My God is offline
New Blood
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Ohio, USA
Posts: 2
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Do I need to be paranoid?
Do I need to be insecure?
Am I a fucked up compulsive bitchy little whore?
Why me? Why I? Why us?

I'm blinded by the darkness that compells in my veins,
it's been cut open with a knife to my wrist.
Surrounding me. Drowinging me. Killing me within.
Inside out. Upside down.
My words, My life, My world,
has been twisted all around by your sick desires.

The fog will never lift.
The sun wont be out tommorow.
Today is never gonna be a new day.
You wont be forgiven.
Know one cares about you.
Figment of imagination.
Why cant you see?
Life isn't happy.
You sadden me.
Pain is Torcher, but Torcher is fun, put it up to my head, and trigger the gun
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Old 2004-04-23, 20:43
dying-oath dying-oath is offline
Senior Metalhead
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Jax FL, previously lived in Naples Italy
Posts: 253
[QUOTE=Dimmu Is My God]Do I need to be paranoid?
Do I need to be insecure?
Am I a fucked up compulsive bitchy little whore?

yes, yes, and need to be all of those things to write amazing stuff... notice this; a depressed person writes with amazing depth, experience, and description, while a perfectly sane person writes sane stuff about flowers and bumblebees and pretty little girls swimming in the sea, not about the thorns, that rise and smother the rose...the wasps that crawl along your wrist and insert their fangs into your skin...the girl that swam tired in the sea with the sharks swimming all around her, the first bites and blood spreads like fingers through the water...
that's ex-depression right there.....
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Old 2004-04-25, 18:48
L,B'XXX's Avatar
L,B'XXX L,B'XXX is offline
dsnt trust ne1 < 30
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Home is where the <3 is
Posts: 8,880
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Sounds like I must be borderline on the sanity thing then! heh heh You just gave me an idea for an new piece, dear dying o' .

You answered yes, yes, yes, where I was gonna, too. bitch.
I'm kidding.

Well, it had some emotion to it, but seemed to jump from you to them with the line "No one cares about you". Obviously you do or you wouldn't be so emotionally wrought over them . I'd leave that out.

And I think you need a word other than "compells ". Seeps --might not be a bad word and it sounds pretty sinister there.

It's pretty basic actually. Maybe go through it and ask why or what feelings this or that causes and get a little deeper than what you have. It isn't bad for an outline and every line doesn't have to be changed but it needs something to make it memorable and punch up the imagery. Not too bad to start with.
My eldest son's bipolar website:

-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!
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