MetalTabs.com - your source for Metal tabs
Home Forum What's New Submit a Tab FAQ Links Contact Us Link to Us


Go Back   MetalTabs.com Forum > Metal > Poetry Lyrical
User Name
Password


Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Rate Thread
  #1  
Old 2007-05-18, 23:45
ZRO's Avatar
ZRO ZRO is offline
Senior Metalhead
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 354
Winter's Plague

I suck at lyrics, heres my try.

Dont bash me too bad and try to help with this.

Ice creeps across the land
The frost giants have awoken
We will fall into an age of winter never before seen
Streams, lakes, and rivers will freeze over
Even the great, vast ocean shall become ice
This is the Fimbulwinter

Legions of frozen warriors will destroy all who oppose
Nothing will stand in their way
Cold hate in their hearts
Blades of ice in their chilly hands
SLAY THEM ALL

As night approaches and the stars light up the black sky
The blizzard gets harsher and harsher and the snow gets deeper
Everything will be frozen in time
This is the Fimbulwinter


Its a bit repetitive.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 2007-05-19, 15:32
L,B'XXX's Avatar
L,B'XXX L,B'XXX is offline
dsnt trust ne1 < 30
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Home is where the <3 is
Posts: 8,868
Send a message via ICQ to L,B'XXX Send a message via AIM to L,B'XXX Send a message via Yahoo to L,B'XXX
Okay, first off what's the Fimbulwinter. Is that really a word or did you make it up? It makes me giggle. It would make a good name for an Irish wolfhound, too.

Anyways, I think this is a pretty cool idea, but it just needs some structuring so the words fit the idea better.
I think the first thing I'd do is switch the first two lines around. Then in the second part you say they destroy all who oppose, but you don't say what might be the opposition. Could another verse be added to show what you're talking about there?
The first 2 lines are contradictory. There's stars, but a harsh snow that's getting deeper. There has to be clouds to have snow and if there's clouds that heavy you can't see stars.
I'm going to turn it on it's ear and see what you think. If you have a tune for it already my rewrite may not work, but I'll show it to you anyways.

I omitted after destroying so its nonspecific. It goes on to tell how they're doing it and that they're doing it to everything in their path.


As night approaches, stars light up the black sky
Frost giants have awoken
Ice creeps across the land
We will fall into an age of winter never before seen
Streams, lakes, and rivers,
Even the great, vast ocean shall become ice
This is the Fimbulwinter

Legions of frozen warriors destroying
Nothing will stand in their way
Cold hate in their hearts
Blades of ice in their chilly hands
SLAY THEM ALL

The blizzard gets harsher and harsher and the snow gets deeper
Everything will be frozen in time
This is the Fimbulwinter
__________________
My eldest son's bipolar website: www.bipolarmanifesto.com

-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 2007-05-21, 15:03
ZRO's Avatar
ZRO ZRO is offline
Senior Metalhead
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 354
Quote:
Originally Posted by L,B'XXX
Okay, first off what's the Fimbulwinter. Is that really a word or did you make it up? It makes me giggle. It would make a good name for an Irish wolfhound, too.

Anyways, I think this is a pretty cool idea, but it just needs some structuring so the words fit the idea better.
I think the first thing I'd do is switch the first two lines around. Then in the second part you say they destroy all who oppose, but you don't say what might be the opposition. Could another verse be added to show what you're talking about there?
The first 2 lines are contradictory. There's stars, but a harsh snow that's getting deeper. There has to be clouds to have snow and if there's clouds that heavy you can't see stars.
I'm going to turn it on it's ear and see what you think. If you have a tune for it already my rewrite may not work, but I'll show it to you anyways.

I omitted after destroying so its nonspecific. It goes on to tell how they're doing it and that they're doing it to everything in their path.


As night approaches, stars light up the black sky
Frost giants have awoken
Ice creeps across the land
We will fall into an age of winter never before seen
Streams, lakes, and rivers,
Even the great, vast ocean shall become ice
This is the Fimbulwinter

Legions of frozen warriors destroying
Nothing will stand in their way
Cold hate in their hearts
Blades of ice in their chilly hands
SLAY THEM ALL

The blizzard gets harsher and harsher and the snow gets deeper
Everything will be frozen in time
This is the Fimbulwinter


The Fimbulwinter is from Norse Myth, but the ice giants dont go and start killing everything. I just added the ice giants.

Im going to add to it eventually.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fimbulwinter
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 2007-05-21, 16:41
Enoch-666 Enoch-666 is offline
New Blood
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 25
Fimbulwinter

I've fooled with this sort of concept in the past and its remarkably hard to push through.. Keep trying, you write well.
__________________
....she trades tin pity for self respect...my angel of earth and wax.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 2007-05-24, 11:50
timedragon's Avatar
timedragon timedragon is offline
Legio Draconorum Orkian
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: upon raging waves
Posts: 4,498
Send a message via AIM to timedragon Send a message via MSN to timedragon
Quote:
Originally Posted by L,B'XXX
Okay, first off what's the Fimbulwinter. Is that really a word or did you make it up?

you know what? wikipedia rocks

i like it, because i love cold, icy winter
i hate miserable summer. it burns me.

edit: oops, i didnt see that you linked wikipedia, at the end.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 2007-05-24, 11:57
JOAMdude's Avatar
JOAMdude JOAMdude is offline
Post-whore
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Candyland
Posts: 1,542
maybe don't do "we will"

be a bit more creative.

if it was casual it would be OK but since it's epic, you have to say "we will" in a different way. because simplicity in lyricscarries connotations of bands like sayyyyy: the misfits
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 2007-05-24, 20:34
ZRO's Avatar
ZRO ZRO is offline
Senior Metalhead
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 354
Quote:
Originally Posted by JOAMdude
maybe don't do "we will"

be a bit more creative.

if it was casual it would be OK but since it's epic, you have to say "we will" in a different way. because simplicity in lyricscarries connotations of bands like sayyyyy: the misfits



I would say "we shall"

But i say "Even the great, vast ocean shall become ice"

I dont want to use shall too much.
Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 09:49.


========

Contact Us | Privacy Policy | Disclaimer
Copyright © 2001-2009 MetalTabs.com. All Rights Reserved.
Powered by vBulletin
Copyright ©2000 - 2009, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.