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Old 2003-04-24, 08:18
deMANUfacture's Avatar
deMANUfacture deMANUfacture is offline
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"THE distance between us"

this is my first song, tell me how to get better at righting lyrics, dis is why i am borrowing lyrics from darkest hour

THE DISTANCE BETWEEN US

VERSE 1
Distance is only an obstacle in this game we call love, But when
Distance is the only obstacle all you can do is wait for the one you love


VERSE 2
As well in my dreams, I am running across the fields of fire
Just to see you, but then I wake up and realise I am being reminded
Of the DISTANCE BETWEEN US

VERSE 3
In my heart I know she is the one, I am reminded by all the
The things you do, I hoped that maybe you would realise this, but
Every time I talk to you I am asked if I am angry with this (relationship)

VERSE 4
When we are together we share perfect bliss, All the others around me are blocked out of the world when you are in mine, but then you say that I am free to get some one better than you (impossible), Now I know THE DISTANCE BETWEEN US
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Old 2003-04-25, 13:31
Necrox Necrox is offline
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Re: "THE distance between us"

Quote:
Originally posted by deMANUfacture
[B]this is my first song, tell me how to get better at righting lyrics, dis is why i am borrowing lyrics from darkest hour

THE DISTANCE BETWEEN US

VERSE 1
Distance is only an obstacle in this game we call love, But when
Distance is the only obstacle all you can do is wait for the one you love


Rhymes are usually a good idea when writing a song, which actually applies to all Verses, and your approach to such a relationship is somehow naiv. Good poetry is very hard to write, though.

Nec
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Old 2003-04-25, 16:46
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L,B'XXX L,B'XXX is offline
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Pick something you feel strongly about. Regardless of what it is and begin putting your thoughts down. Sometimes they will be things you can rhyme and sometimes not. When you get a basic structure to it then that's when you can start playing with putting the thoughts so you're content with them. Post your pieces and let others give you their opinions and critiques. Hopefully they won't just say 'You Suck'. I promise I won't do that .
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